24 Idol
by Lost-Blue-Phantom
Summary: The terror has a new demand. Singing. Join Jack, Chloe, and a bunch of CTU people for a hilarity like no other. Rated T as a precaution. 24American Idol Crossover. DISCONTINUED.
1. Intro

**A/N: This is 24 Idol. Living proof of what happens when I'm extremely bored, grounded, and have been watching 24 obsessively for the past . . . 12 hours. No wait, that was yesterday . . . today I haven't watched 24 yet. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the story. It seems to be the only one of it's kind. If you have a 24/American Idol crossover story, I'm really sorry, but I haven't read it. Readers of Time to Save the World, I will update, but it's taking awhile because the chapter that you're waiting to read is LONG and I'm not done writing it yet. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own 24 or American Idol. They are owned by Fox. And Fox is owned by . . . uhh . . . who IS Fox owned by? I know Warner Bros. is owned by Time Warner . . . but who the heck is Fox owned by? Or is Fox their own company? I'll get back to you on that.**

* * *

Bill Buchanan rubbed his temples. The former President, Charles Logan, had just been kidnapped by a group of terrorists, and they were supposed to call with their demands in the next few hours. "This is so frustrating!" He growled aloud. 

"Not nearly as frustrating as you not telling me what happened to Audrey." Sniffed Jack. "You didn't tell Tony that Michelle was dead either!" At the mention of Tony and Michelle, Jack began to cry even harder. Bill and Chloe stared at him, Milo wasn't really paying attention to what was going on.

"Jack, what's wrong with you? Are you actually getting in touch with your feminine side?" Chloe asked.

"I DON'T HAVE A FEMININE SIDE!" Jack roared.

"Do we have to save Logan?" Milo asked, having his eardrum nearly explode.

"Unfortunately." Muttered Bill.

"Hey, whatever happened to that guy . . . Brad Hammond?" Jack asked randomly.

"We're waiting for a call from terrorists . . . and you want to know what happened to Brad Hammond?" Bill asked, stunned. Jack nodded. Bill shrugged, "I don't know, and I personally don't care."

"Why do we have to save Logan?" Whined Milo.

"Why does everybody insist on asking me stupid questions that I don't know the answers to?" Bill screeched.

"Think about it, we haven't had a good president since David Palmer." Jack said. Chloe shook her head, wondering how she got stuck working with these idiots. "Think about it, dammit! Keeler; ass. Logan; an even bigger, temperamental ass. And Wayne will never live up to his brother's legacy." Jack growled. Bill opened his mouth to object, but Chloe's annoyed look told him to keep his mouth shut.

"Bill, please tell me we're getting this phone call soon!" Chloe finally burst out. "I can't take it anymore! You're all idiots! Most of you aren't even attractive idiots, with the exception of Jack!"

"BUT WE DATED!" Wailed Milo.

"No we didn't. We went to go see 'a few good movies', which weren't even that good!"

"Haha, smooth move Milo." Laughed Jack, feeling content once more. Milo grabbed a random crowbar and advanced menacingly towards Jack. Chloe jumped in front of Jack.

"Milo if you touch him . . . I swear, I will rip up Mister Snuggles!" Milo stared with big rabbit eyes, and reluctanly put the crowbar down.

Bill and Jack backed out slowly from the room. As soon as Bill's hand touched the door, the phone rang.

"Bill Buchanan," Jack picked up in his dead-on imitation of Bill.

"Jack, hand over the phone!" Bill said menacingly.

"But I don't wanna!" Whined Jack, handing over the phone.

"Sorry about that. This is the real Bill Buchanan." Bill said into the phone.

"Mr. Buchanan, as you know, we have your president."

"And we're prepared to listen to any of your demands." Bill said, unaware that he would soon regret his decision.

"Very well. Listen up." The person (who was actually the authoress, but they don't know that yet) said. Bill nodded, and tightened his lips. His expression changed several times as the caller a.k.a the Authoress continued to talk.

"Do you understand Mr. Buchanan?" The Authoress asked.

"I understand." Bill said tensely. He hung up.

"What do they want?" Chloe asked.

"They want us to participate in a singing contest." Bill said hoarsely. With that, the room warped, and they were on a stage.

"Welcome to 24 Idol. I'm your host, The Caller a.k.a The Authoress a.k.a LostBluePhantom." The Authoress announced, getting many cheers from her- I mean the- audience. "Welcome our judges, Marie Warner," Marie waved at the audience, and then glared at Jack Bauer. "Graem Bauer," The Authoress continued. Graem scowled at the audience and then glared at Jack.

"OH COME ON!" Jack cried.

"And finally, uhh, hey wait, where is our 3rd judge?" The Authoress asked, looking at Jack Bauer.

"Oh, someone goes missing and it's instantly my fault!"

"Uh, yeah, pretty much. Oh wait, here he comes, Paul Raines!"

Jack gaped and whined. "THAT'S SO UNFAIR!"

"Welcome to the show." The Authoress said, shrugging and at the same time enjoying the useful information Wikipedia had given her.

"Dear God," Jack murmured.

* * *

**I may make this a cameo story. My associates, who currently live in the back of my brain( it's very cozy up there actually) are currently debating and they should come to their decision by the postage of the next chapter. The way the auditions are gonna work is by season. For example, Jamey Farrell will audition in the next chapter for Season 1. Nina Myers will also audition next chapter because she was the most important in Season 1. Review, tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, what could be changed, your favorite line from this chapter. My personal favorite is, "I DON'T HAVE A FEMININE SIDE!" and the Mister Snuggles part. Yeah. So review. I should have the next chapter up by tonight. And what useful information has Wikipedia given the Authoress? Today, a lot of things actually . . . **

**I'm gonna go find out who owns Fox. If you know, let me know, so I can stop beating myself up over this, mkay?**


	2. Day 1 Auditions

**A/N: GASP! Four reviews in one chapter! I've never got that many reviews in one day before! So, in this chapter we have Teri Bauer, Kim Bauer, Nina Myers, Jamey Farrell, Richard Walsh, Ira Gaines, and Rick Allen auditioning. With a special guest appearance by the infamous crowbar. Okay, and now my loverly reviwers, I am responding to your reviews right here. Oh yeah, Graem is Simon, Marie is Paula, and Paul is . . . Randy. You know this story is going loopy.**

**charlieh07: Yes! I loved that mental image. I think I might just store it in the back of my brain for during test taking. **

**anonymous: Don't worry! Audrey will totally be in it! But in a few chapters! I sitll have no clue who owns Fox. -opens up Wikipedia-**

**Vadergirl2006: I love that line too. Usually, I have a very hard time keeping Chloe in IC when I write about her, so I'm glad so said that. Actually, I could imagine her saying that on the show. That'd be funny. And that was the point of the judges. I actually had a hard time coming up with Paul, cuz A LOT of people hate Jack. **

**Allyson Bauer: YAY! THIS IS A GREAT PARODY! Don't worry, you won't have to pick a favorite line. It's just a selection! I loved the lines in last chapter, and there are many I like in this chapter. Brad and Berhooz will guest star in later chapters. **

**And now I'm actually gonna move on to the actual chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own 24 or American Idol. They are owned by the Fox Broadcasting Company which is owned by the Fox Entertainment Company which is a part of Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation. **

* * *

LBP (LostBluePhantom) sent Jack a withering glare. "Shut up Bauer. You're not auditioning for at least five more chapters." 

"I can't watch?" LBP shrugged. She pressed against the ear phone, and nodded. "The producers say you can watch, but you're not allowed to comment. Only I can do that."

Jack blinked. "Anyway, before I was rudely interrupted," Another withering glare in Jack's direction, "I would like to announce 24 Idols' first audition. Contestant 1992, Teri Bauer-"

Jack screamed, "TERI'S HERE?!?"

"Somebody tranquilize him dammit!" LBP hissed.

Milo's entire face lit up. "No problem." There was a scuffle on the sidestage and Milo emerged several moments later with a swollen black eye. Jack was smirking triumphantly behind him, untranquilized and fully awake.

"ANYWAY," LBP's eyes widened and she clenched her teeth. "Teri Bauer is going to sing," LBP squinted at the prompter, "To Love You More by Celine Dion." Teri stepped out onto the stage, flashing a nervous smile at Jack as she passed him. Chloe, LBP noticed, was scowling.

"Take it away Teri." LBP said with a hand sweep. Teri took in a deep breath and began to sing.

_Take me back in the arms I love  
Need me like you did before  
Touch me once again  
And remember when  
There was no one that you wanted more _

Don't go you know you will break my heart  
She won't love you like I will  
I'm the one who'll stay  
When she walks away  
And you know I'll be standing here still

I'll be waiting for you  
Here inside my heart  
I'm the one who wants to love you more  
You will see I can give you  
Everything you need  
Let me be the one to love you more

See me as if you never knew  
Hold me so you can't let go  
Just believe in me  
I will make you see  
All the things that your heart needs to know

I'll be waiting for you  
Here inside my heart  
I'm the one who wants to love you more  
You will see I can give you  
Everything you need  
Let me be the one to love you more

And some way all the love that we had can be saved  
Whatever it takes we'll find a way

I'll be waiting for you  
Here inside my heart  
I'm the one who wants to love you more  
You will see I can give you  
Everything you need  
Let me be the one to love you more

The audience was silent for a long time. Then they broke into a wild applause. Roses were thrown at the stage, and a copy of 24: Season 3(A/N: My favorite season, despite the fact Tony gets arrested) on DVD was chucked at LBP's head. Milo headed backstage, with the tranquilizer gun, to find Jack.

"Well done Teri!" LBP tried to applaud and hold the microphone in the same hand. It didn't work as well as she had intentionally hoped, and LBP accidentally dropped the microphone. "So judges, does Teri move into the next round for 24 Idol?"

"Absolutely not." Graem said. "Teri, even though you're my sister-in-law, I still think that you have a poor choice in men and in songs. This wasn't fit for you." This earned him many glares from the audience, and one particularly deathly glare from Jack.

"Darling, though I too don't approve in your choice of men, I think you have a wonderful voice despite what your stupid brother-in-law has to say. This song suited you wonderfully! I say yes!" Marie's words were met with applause. Wait a second! Marie's words were met with applause? That's a first.

"You got the spirit, and the energy. Homie, you could go all the way here. Peace out dawg. Score one for the Mrs. Bauer." Paul said, making a weird gangster hand signal. LBP blinked, her mouth slightly agape.

"When I said I wanted Paul to be like Randy, I didn't mean he had to speak like a gangsta yo." LBP cleared her throat and handed Teri a golden envelope, "Welcome to 24 Idol!" I announced. The audience hollered.

"Next is Kim Bauer singing . . . Oh God no . . . I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman by Brittany Spears." LBP went to go find a garbage can to hurl in, Jack was cheering on Kim, and Milo got lost back stage. Kim walked out in a hot pink outfit. Not slutty or anything, but LBP had to wear sunglasses to watch her sing.

_I used to think  
I had the answers to everything,  
But now I know  
Life doesn't always go my way, yeah...  
Feels like I'm caught in the middle  
That's when I realize... _

I'm not a girl,  
Not yet a woman.  
All I need is time,  
A moment that is mine,  
While I'm in between.

I'm not a girl,  
There is no need to protect me.  
It's time that I  
Learn to face up to this on my own.  
I've seen so much more than you know now,  
So don't tell me to shut my eyes.

I'm not a girl,  
Not yet a woman.  
All I need is time,  
A moment that is mine,  
While I'm in between.

I'm not a girl,  
But if you look at me closely,  
You will see it my eyes.  
This girl will always find  
Her way.

I'm not a girl  
(I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe).  
Not Yet a woman  
(I'm just trying to find the woman in me, yeah).  
All I need is time (All I need),  
A moment that is mine (That is mine),  
While I'm in between.

I'm not a girl  
Not yet a woman  
All I need is time (All I need),  
A moment that is mine,  
While I'm in between.

I'm not a girl, 

_Not yet a woman._

Not yet a woman.The audience applauded politely. LBP said nothing. She didn't really like Brittany Spears. "No." Graem said strongly. "Your voice needs to mature. The song was good, but your voice needs to mature."

"I agree." Marie agreed, and she nodded. "Sorry Kim, you just don't have it. Come back next year and audition. So you can mature your voice a little." Kim nodded and turned to Paul.

"Fo sho. Come back next year yo." Paul said. "Sorry Kim, but looks like you won't be moving on." LBP said, patting her shoulder in an odd gesture of comfort. Kim walked off stage, getting a hug from her dad.

"Next up is . . . uh oh . . . Nina Myers singing . . . SAY WHAT?" LBP screeched. "NO WAY! WHO PICKS THESE SONGS?"

Her earphone beeped, "You do."

"Oh." LBP said. She frowned. "This is Nina Myers singing . . . Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls." Nina walked out on stage.

"You gotta be kidding me," Tony and Jack muttered.

"TONY!" screamed Jack, LBP, and every member of the Carlos Bernard fan club that was in the audience.

"Tony," A voice said dangerously from behind everyone. A hand yanked Tony's ear. The hand's owner was Michelle. "Remember what you promised before we came here, after the Authoress saved us from doom?"

"Yes sweetheart." Tony said. Nina glared at Jack, Michelle and Tony.

"When you're done Almeida," She growled. Michelle prickled.

"It's not worth it sweetheart," Tony tried to calm Michelle down. While he was trying to do that, Nina began to sing.

_I know you like me (I know you like me)  
I know you do (I know you do)  
That's why whenever I come around  
She's all over you (she's all over you)  
I know you want it (I know you want it)  
It's easy to see (it's easy to see)  
And in the back of your mind  
I know you should be on with me (babe) _

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?  
Don't cha?  
Don't cha?  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?  
Don't cha?  
Don't cha?

Fight the feeling (fight the feeling)  
Leave it alone (leave it alone)  
'Cause if it ain't love  
It just ain't enough to leave my happy home (my happy home)  
Let's keep it friendly (let's keep it friendly)  
You have to play fair (you have to play fair)  
See I don't care  
But I know she ain't gonna wanna share

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?  
Don't cha?  
Don't cha?  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?  
Don't cha?  
Don't cha?

_I know she loves you (I know she loves you)  
I understand (I understand)  
I'd probably be just as crazy about you  
If you were my own man  
Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime)  
Possibly (possibly)  
Until then old friend  
Your secret is safe with me _

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?  
Don't cha?  
Don't cha?  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?  
Don't cha?  
Don't cha?

Tony and Jack exchanged a bewildered glance. "Was she talking to you or to me?" Tony asked. Jack shrugged. Michelle and Teri were glaring daggers at Nina.

"Michelle, honey, you're a much better singer than her. Watch, she'll be kicked off." Tony murmured.

Graem sniffed, "That was so beautiful Nina. Brava, you move on." He broke into tears, and momentarily accepted a hug from Marie.

"I agree. You move on to the next round. That was just . . . WOW!" Marie agreed. The audience gaped openly. They had nothing to say. What scared them more, the fact that Nina sang a Pussycat Dolls song, or that Graem was sobbing, LBP couldn't tell.

"Yo dawg, that was pretty sweet." Paul said.

"PAUL STOP SPEAKING GANGSTER RIGHT NOW!" Screamed LBP. "Fine," Paul sniffed.

"I guess Nina gets to move onto the next round. Welcome to 24 Idol," LBP uncertainly, handing Nina a golden envelope. "Our next contestant is . . . OHMYGODIT'SJAMEYFARRELL!" LBP screamed. "SHE'SLIKEMYFAVORITECHARACTEREVER!" The audience still hadn't really gotten over Graem crying, but LBP screaming didn't help them. "Oh my goodness, they're scarred for life." LBP said. "Anyways, next is Jamey Farrell singing Bad Reputation by Joan Jett and The Blackhearts."

Michelle sent Tony a nervous glance. "You owe me a dollar. I told you Nina was gonna get on." She whispered to him.

"Relax, sweetheart, you're better than her. And remember, I married you, not her."

Jamey stepped out, waved cheerfully to LBP, and LBP practically fainted. "I'll go revive her," muttered Tony (A/N: I'm a die-hard Carlos fan, so his voice probably would revive me). While Tony was once again doing something heroic, Jamey sung.

_I dont give a damn bout my reputation  
Youre living in the past its a new generation  
A girl can do what she wants to do and thats  
What Im gonna do  
An I dont give a damn bout my bad reputation _

Oh no not me

An I dont give a damn bout my reputation  
Never said I wanted to improve my station  
An Im only doin good  
When Im havin fun  
An I dont have to please no one  
An I dont give a damn  
bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me  
Oh no, not me

I dont give a damn  
bout my reputation  
Ive never been afraid of any deviation  
An I dont really care  
If ya think Im strange  
I aint gonna change  
An Im never gonna care  
bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me  
Oh no, not me

Pedal boys!

An I dont give a damn  
bout my reputation  
The worlds in trouble  
Theres no communication  
An everyone can say  
What they want to say  
It never gets better anyway  
So why should I care  
bout a bad reputation anyway  
Oh no, not me  
Oh no, not me

I dont give a damn bout my bad reputation  
Youre living in the past  
Its a new generation  
An I only feel good  
When I got no pain  
An thats how Im gonna stay  
An I dont give a damn  
bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me  
Oh no, not  
Not me, not me 

"LBP, the song's over," Tony whispered to LBP. LBP instantly sat up straight. Tony blinked twice, and his eye twitched.

Graem cried again, "Oh God Jamey, that was so beautiful. I'm so lost for words. You move on." He stole LBP's aloe tissues and used them.

"You can keep them," LBP said in disgust.

"Eh, you said 'damn' too much. It only works for Jack. I'm afraid I'm gonna say no." Marie said. "Don't take it personally." Graem threw her an astounded glare, and the audience found their voice/hands again and met Marie's words with applause and holler.

"OMGJAMEYILOVEYOULET'SGOOUT!" Paul said without breathing. "THAT'SAYESFYILBP!" LBP blinked. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. Then she opened it again, then closed it.

"Okay then," She managed to get out. She handed Jamey a golden envelope. "Welcome to 24 Idol Jamey. Next up is Richard Walsh, singing Vienna by The Fray."

_The day's last one-way ticket train pulls in  
We smile for the casual closure capturing  
There goes the downpour  
There goes my fare thee well _

There's really no way to reach me  
There's really no way to reach me  
There's really no way to reach me  
'Cause I'm already gone

There's so many words that we can say  
Spoken upon long-distance melody  
This is my hello  
This is my goodness

There's really no way to reach me  
There's really no way to reach me  
There's really no way to reach me  
'Cause I'm already gone

Maybe in five or ten yours and mine will meet again  
Straighten this whole thing out  
Maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy  
But this is the distance  
And this is my gameface

There's really no way to reach me  
There's really no way to reach me  
Is there really no way to reach me?  
Am I already gone?  
So this is your maverick  
And this is Vienna 

"No. You're too old to be singing a Fray song." Graem said, getting over his crying epidemic. "Their range is too difficult for you old man." The audience snickered, completely in agreement.

Richard Walsh sneered, "Well at least my brother doesn't hate me."

"Oh burn . . ." whispered the audience.

"Well I thought it was a wonderful song. I think you just need to push a little harder to get some of those harder notes. I'm just glad you didn't sing The Fray cover of 'Hips Don't Lie'. You move on."

"I'm in complete agreement with Marie." Paul said. Three villains in a row? LBP gulped nervously. She handed Richard Walsh a golden envelope.

"Welcome to 24 Idol." She announced. The audience pretended to care. Suddenly, Milo burst through the curtain.

"Hey Jamey," He said, waving. "THERE YOU ARE JACK BAUER! SCREW THE FREAKIN' TRANQUILIZER GUN!" He screamed, throwing the tranquilizer against something. A dart came out and shot Michelle in the neck.

"MICHELLE!" Screamed Tony. Jack Bauer took off at a run, Milo on his heels with a crowbar, and Tony on Milo's heels, with a cinder block.

LBP giggled. "That was funny. Next up is . . . Alberta Watson? That really annoying lady that replaced Jack? Singing . . . Everybody Dance Now? Dear God this is gonna be bad."

_Everybody Dance now ...  
Everybody Dance now ...  
Give me the music  
Give me the music_

Tears of laughter were streaming down LBP's face throughout the entire song. In fact, the audience couldn't hear the rest of the song over her laughter.

"No." The three judges said in unison.

Alberta left the stage, and unfortunately Jack wasn't there to laugh at her. Ira Gaines didn't even get to start singing, and he was booted off. "No fair! I was gonna sing Miami by Will Smith!" He whined to LBP.

"I think it's better that they _didn't_ hear you sing." LBP said, trying to control her laughter. Rick came on to the stage and LBP said, "Hey, it doesn't say on the prompter what you're going to sing."

"That cuz you'll find out!" Rick said in a suave voice.

_I'm bringing sexy back  
Them other boys don't know how to act_

"Hell no." Marie, Graem, and Paul said in unison. They, and the audience, were completely scarred for life. LBP was rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter. "Tune-in-next-week-to-see-who-else-makes it on 24 Idol, and who saves the former President Logan." She laughed.

* * *

**After this, my associates have agreed that this will be a cameo story. So if you'll review, you'll be an audience member, that will most likely be scarred for life. OMGICAN'TWAITFORNEXTWEEK'SLOST! -has just seen a preview for next week's Lost- Anyways, uhh, next chapter, some people from Season 2(not Michelle and Tony. They'll audition with the Season 3 people), will audition. You'll laugh, you'll cry from your laughter, and madness completely ensues here. **


	3. Day 2 Auditions

**A/N: Welcome to the Season 2 Auditions of 24 Idol! This chapter George Mason, Carrie Turner(unfortunately), Kate Warner, Paula Schaeffer, Lynne Kresge and Reze Naiyeer are auditioning! And the reviewers from last chapter help wreck havoc around here. The crowbar makes another return, and we meet Mister Snuggles for the first time! Uh, I'll try to update ASAP, but tomorrow is Passover, for all of you who are Jewish. Luckily, I'm saving this to my USB, so I can take this to my mom's house, and I can work on it. And my reviewers, here are my responses to your reviews:**

**House24Fan: I hope I didn't scare you too badly! I'm a very scary person like that. But YAY! A good parody that you like! I'm so honoured! -bows-**

**jess o'brain bauer: That line made me laugh too! And originality is what I was looking for, so I'm glad you think so. **

**msflapotter: Believe me, I have. Otherwise this story wouldn't exist.**

**M. Dobbs: A lot of people keep saying that. Are 24 parodies that bad? Or am I just a pwnsome writer? And Chloe is gonna on with the Season 6 peeps. Jack will too.**

**happyhooligan2001: Ah, but it's not the terrorists who are bringing the dead back. It's the authoress. 89 Volvo . . . where would I have I heard that before? I don't watch Gilmore Girls. **

**-almeida-lover-: Personally, I don't even think Justin Timberlake should sing SexyBack. For some reason, I kept seeing Kim as Brittany Spears too! It is a scary picture. -shivers-**

**Stephanie: WHOOO! Yea, a lot of people seem to like it.**

**Allyson Bauer: Me? Parody Power? I'm glad you think so! If you like Phantom of the Opera, go read BlackTippedRose's work. It's hysterical. And, I am working on another parody, which will be released soon! I'm not telling you what it is, though. -evil laugh-**

**Dislcaimer: If I had a dollar for every time I put up these things, I'd have enough money to own 24 . . . on DVD.**

* * *

It was the next week. LBP had tied her hair back, and now she looked freakishly like the Season 4 Michelle. With the exception of the red hair (A/N: I have dirty blonde hair everyone), it was almost a dead ringer. "Welcome to 24 Idol! I'm LBP with your judges Graem Bauer, Marie Warner and Paul Raines." LBP said, introducing the judges. There was a big smile on her face. Most likely it was because she knew Tony would be somewhere on the set tonight. 

"Tonight we have," LBP checked the prompter. "George Mason, Carrie Turner?" LBP double-checked the prompter as Michelle, who fully recovered from the whole tranquilizer gun accident, did a double-take. "Carrie Turner," LBP said, fully disgusted and bewildered. "Kate Warner, Paula Schaeffer . . . wait, that's Darlene from Roseanne, right?" LBP looked around, hoping someone would give her a nod of assent. LBP instantly regretted it, getting a nod of assent from Nina Myers. "Hey, Lynne Kresge is auditioning tonight! Haven't you noticed that all these dead people are auditioning? And finally, before Marie stabs me . . . HAHA! Reza Naiyeer!"

"We have powers you can only dream about," Graem said evilly, with a smirk.

"Uh, no you don't. I'm the Authoress. I want them to be here, so they're here." The Authoress said coolly. "Anyways, so first up is George Mason singing Here is Gone by the Goo Goo Dolls. Funny, I would've thought he would singing something by Jimi Hendrix." LBP chuckled. Tony tried not to smile, and LBP, Michelle and Nina thought they would melt.

George sighed and shook his head. "Maybe I gave you the wrong idea Michelle, when I told you to follow your dreams."

Michelle shook her head. "I don't think so Mason. Just shut up and sing." George stuck his tongue out at Michelle and then he began to sing. LBP was already trying not to crack up, Tony was talking with Michelle, and Marie seemed completely uninterested.

None of them were prepared for what they heard next.

_You and I got somethin'  
But it's all and then it's nuthin to me, yeah  
And I got my defenses  
When it comes through your intentions for me, yeah  
_

_And we wake up in the breakdown  
With the things we never thought we could be, yeah_

_I'm not the one who broke you  
I'm not the one you should fear  
We got to move you darlin  
I thought I lost you somewhere  
But you were never really ever there at all_

_And I want to get free  
Talk to me  
I can feel you falling  
And I wanted to be  
All you need  
Somehow here is gone_

_I am no solution  
To the sound of this pollution in me, yeahAnd I was not the answer  
So forget you ever thought it was me, yeah_

_And I dont need the fallout  
Of all the past that's in between us  
And I'm not holding on  
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here_

_And I want to get free  
Talk to me  
I can feel you falling  
And I wanted to be  
All you need  
Somehow here is gone_

_And I want to get free  
Talk to me  
I can feel you falling_

_I know it's out there  
I know it's out there  
And I can feel you falling_

"Holy crap." Graem said. "You cannot sing." Mason scowled at Graem. Graem turned to the other two judges, "Am I right?" Jack was sitting above the stage, a tranquilizer gun poised at Graem's head. Milo had managed to climb up next to Jack, with the infamous crowbar.

"Good morning," Milo said, in a dead imitation of Sayid from Lost.

"But . . . it's eight o'clock in the evening." Jack said, staring apprehensively at the crowbar.

"Whatever!" Milo cried. He whacked Jack in the back of the head with the crowbar. The judges cheered.

"MILO!" screeched Chloe, with a stuffed teddy bear in her hands.

"MISTER SNUGGLES!" Milo screamed like a girl. "I told you Milo, touch Jack and I rip Mister Snuggles up!" Chloe snarled. Milo climbed down from above the stage, carrying Jack on his back because Chloe's glare told him so.

"I'm cooperating." Milo whimpered. "Just give me back Mister Snuggles!"

"Hand Jack over," Chloe growled. Milo shoved Jack over to Chloe. Chloe caught him, and chucked Mister Snuggles at Milo's head.

"That was weird." Marie began. "Don't worry George, I thought you were great."

"You thought everybody but Kim, Rick, Alberta, and Ira were great," Graem sneered.

"And Jamey. Plus, I don't think you're great Graem. Oooh! That was a cool alliteration." Marie said. "Anyways, you move on."

"I agree." Paul said, staring at his fingernails.

"You agree with everything Marie says," LBP pointed out.

"So?" Paul challenged.

LBP shrugged, "Welcome to 24 Idol George!" She handed him a golden envelope. "Next up is Carrie Turner," LBP shivered with disgust. "Singing Sympathy by the Goo Goo Dolls. NOOO! MY LEAST FAVORITE CHARACTER NEXT TO BUCHANAN, AND MAYBE DRISCOLL SINGING MY FAVORITE GOO GOO DOLLS SONG! OH CRUEL TWISTED FATE!" LBP wailed. Tony gave her a hug and LBP instantly silenced (A/N: Remember, me equals die-hard Carlos fan and die-hard Reiko fan, so if she gave me a hug, it'd probably have the same effect). Michelle tried Tony out of LBP's grasp, and LBP began to sniffle. Michelle gave LBP a hug, and LBP silenced again. Tony and Michelle exchanged a weird glance.

Carrie came out, and LBP 'accidentally' chucked Milo's crowbar at her head. It missed by a half of an inch. "Good shot," whispered Michelle into LBP's ear. "Though maybe you should've leaned your shoulder back a few degrees. That probably would've given you that half an inch."

"Thanks for the tip. I'll get the crowbar while she's singing." LBP whispered back.

Carrie opened her mouth and began to sing.

_Stranger than your sympathy  
And this is my apology  
I killed myself from the inside out  
And all my fears have pushed you out  
_

_And I wished for things that I don't need  
(All I wanted)  
And what I chased won't set me free  
(All I wanted)  
And I get scared but I'm not crawlin' on my knees  
_

_Oh, yeah  
Everything's all wrong, yeah  
Everything's all wrong, yeah  
Where the hell did I think I was?  
_

_And stranger than your sympathy  
Take these things, so I don't feel  
I'm killing myself from the inside out  
And now my head's been filled with doubt  
_

_We're taught to lead the life you choose  
(All I wanted)  
You know your love's run out on you  
(All I wanted  
And you can't see when all your dreams aren't coming true  
_

_Oh, yeah  
It's easy to forget, yeah  
When you choke on the regrets, yeah  
Who the hell did I think I was?  
_

_And stranger than your sympathy  
And all these thoughts you stole from me  
And I'm not sure where I belong  
And no where's home and no more wrong  
_

_And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was  
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted  
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me  
_

_Mmm, yeah  
Stranger than your sympathy  
Stranger than your sympathy  
Mmm hmmm mmm  
_

"YOU DON'T NEED SYMPATHY!" Michelle screeched.

"Easy 'Chelle." Tony murmured, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"No. The only reason you would need sympathy would be for that terrible performance." Graem said. "That's a definite no."

"That was slightly cruel, although you do deserve it Carrie. OHMYGOD! IMADEAGEEKREFERENCEMOMENT!" LBP screamed. "Anybody ever read Carrie by Stephen King?" She asked. "She's Carrie," Whispered LBP, pointing straight at Carrie, and then shivering.

"GET HER OFF THE STAGE ALREADY!' screamed Allyson Bauer. House24fan cheered in agreement.

"SHUT UP! NO COMMENTS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY!" Graem screamed at them.

"LET'S GET HIM!" screamed jess o'brian bauer. "CHARGE!!" msflapotter cried. M. Dobbs, happyhooligan2001, -almeida-lover-, and Stephanie grabbed their crowbars and charged at Graem. Soon, they were all beating up on him.

"To make my version short, no Carrie. Sorry, but you ruined everything I worked for. Plus, Tony rocks and you tried to hurt the girl he loves." Marie pouted. She folded her arms across her chest.

"Well," Carrie sniffed, "You're all so concieted."

"I thought you were great," Paul said with googly eyes. Suddenly, a crowbar came flying out of nowhere and smacked Carrie across the jaw.

"Dammit!" Hissed LBP and Michelle.

"I think you leaned a little too far back," Michelle leaned over and muttered.

"I know, I can't seem to get it right. Oh well, at least I hit her." LBP replied. Michelle went to go congratulate George, and LBP beckoned House24Fan, who was the first reviewer of the last chapter, over. "Good job. We still on for sabotage?" She whispered.

House24Fan nodded. "Meet at the rendevous point after the show." LBP whispered.

House24Fan whispered, "I'll pass the word along." House24Fan disappeared and met up with a large group of the reviewers, and passed along the word.

LBP walked back out on stage. "Next up is Kate Warner singing Soak Up the Sun by Sheryl Crow." LBP applauded as Kate Warner came out on stage. The audience applauded. "Out of all of Jack's girlfriends, you're the coolest." LBP said as she passed. Kate gave a nod to show she heard what LBP said.

"Hi Jack," She said as she passed him.

"Jack? Who is that?" growled Teri. Jack didn't answer, and Kate began to sing.

_My friend the communist  
Holds meetings in his RV  
I can't afford his gas  
So I'm stuck here watching TV  
I don't have digital  
I don't have diddly squat  
It's not having what you want  
It's wanting what you've gotI'm gonna soak up the sun  
Gonna tell everyone  
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)  
I've got no one to blame  
For every time I feel lame  
I'm looking up _

_I'm gonna soak up the sun  
I'm gonna soak up the sun  
_

_I've got a crummy job  
It don't pay near enough  
To buy the things it takes  
To win me some of your love  
Every time I turn around  
I'm looking up, you're looking down  
Maybe something's wrong with you  
That makes you act the way you do_

_I'm gonna soak up the sun  
While it's still free  
I'm gonna soak up the sun  
Before it goes out on me_

_I'm gonna soak up the sun  
Got my 45 on  
So I can rock on._

The audience cheered wildly. "Yes!" Cheered Graem. "You will go on!" The audience blinked. Graem willingly sent someone, who wasn't a terrorist, onto the next round. Kate beamed. Then she nervously turned to Marie.

"Hello little sis." Whispered Kate. Marie scowled. "I say no. There is no way I'm letting you go on." Marie folded her arms across her chest and pouted.

"Marie, are you seriously going to sit here and tell me you won't let Kate go on because of a personal grudge?" Graem asked. Marie nodded stubbornly.

"Because I don't always agree with everything Marie says, I will let Kate go on!" Paul said decisively. Marie gaped at him, and so did Graem, and so did LBP, and so did everyone else in the audience.

"Okay, so Kate moves on!" LBP announced, handing Kate a gold envelope. Kate went to go stand next to Mason. LBP blinked at Kate. Though she knew Kate seemed happy, LBP could tell she wasn't. Then it hit her. Marie.

"Allyson Bauer, come in." LBP whispered into her walkie-talkie.

"This is Allyson Bauer!"Came the reply.

"Round up -almeida-lover and Stephanie. You three are on a family intervention mission. The rest of us will meet up at the rendevous point." LBP whispered.

"Over," Responded Allyson Bauer.

"Next up is Darlene Connor-I mean- Paula Schaeffer singing . . . uhh," LBP paled, and tried not to crack up, "Love Shack by the B-52's." Paula strutted out onto the stage, flashed a flirtatious smile at Tony and began to sing.

_If you see a faded sign by the side of the road that says  
15 miles to the... Love Shack! _

_Love Shack yeah  
_

_I'm headin' down the Atlanta highway, lookin' for the love getaway  
Heading for the love getaway, love getaway,  
I got me a car, it's as big as a whale and we're headin' on down  
To the Love Shack  
_

_I got me a Chrysler, it seats about 20  
So hurry up and bring your jukebox money  
The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together  
_

_Love Shack baby, Love Shack bay-bee.  
Love baby, that's where it's at, Ooo love baby, that's where it's at  
Sign says.. Woo... stay away fools, 'cause love rules at the Love Shack!  
Well it's set way back in the middle of a field, Just a funky old shack and I gotta get back  
_

_Glitter on the mattress  
Glitter on the highway  
Glitter on the front porch  
Glitter on the hallway  
_

_The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together  
Love Shack baby! Love Shack, that's where it's at!  
Huggin' and a kissin', dancin' and a lovin', wearin' next to nothing  
_

_Cause it's hot as an oven  
The whole shack shimmies! The whole shack shimmies when everybody's  
Movin' around and around and around!  
Everybody's movin', everybody's groovin' baby!  
Folks linin' up outside just to get down  
Everybody's movin', everybody's groovin' baby  
Funky little shack! Funky little shack!  
_

_Hop in my Chrysler, it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail!  
I got me a car, it seats about 20  
So hurry up and bring your jukebox money.  
Bang bang bang on the door baby! Knock a little louder baby!  
Bang bang bang on the door baby! I can't hear you  
Your what?... Tin roof, rusted!  
_

_Love Shack, baby Love Shack!  
Love baby, that's where it's at  
Huggin' and a kissin', dancin' and a lovin' at the love shack _

LBP giggled. And giggled even harder. Soon it was a hysterical laughing fit. "Oh my-" She laughed. The audience was in full blown laughter and Paula blushed.

"No." The judges said in unison, trying not to die of their laughter. Paula walked off stage, passing Tony as she went, who hadn't even been paying attention. "Well," LBP chuckled. "Next up is . . . YAY! LYNNE KRESGE!" LBP was cheering. "And she's singing My Favorite Mistake by Sheryl Crow!"

Lynne walked up to the stage and glared at Mike Novick, who was seated in the audience.

_I woke up and called this morning  
The tone of your voice was a warning  
That you don't care for me anymore  
_

_I made up the bed we sleep in  
I looked at the clock when you creep in  
It's 6 a.m. and I'm alone  
_

_Did you know when you go  
It's the perfect ending  
To the bad day I was just beginning  
When you go all I know is  
You're my favorite mistake_

_Your friends are sorry for me  
They watch you pretend to adore me  
But I'm no fool to this game_

_Now here comes your secret lover  
She'd be unlike any other  
Until your guilt goes up in flames_

_Did you know when you go  
It's the perfect ending  
To the bad day I was just beginning  
When you go all I know is  
You're my favorite mistake_

_You're my favorite mistake_

_Well maybe nothin' lasts forever  
Even when you stay together  
I don't need forever after  
It's your laughter won't let me go  
So I'm holding on this way_

_Did you know, could you tell  
You were the only one  
That I ever loved  
Now everything's so wrong_

_Did you see me walking by?  
Did it ever make you cry?_

_You're my favorite mistake  
You're my favorite mistake  
You're my favorite mistake_

"No." Graem said, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, but no. You don't belong in this type of competition." The audience didn't really care what he had to say. They were tired of having to hear Graem insult the competitors.

"YEAH GIRL POWER!" Marie cheered. "You also thwarted my attempts to change this country, but I like your style. So that's a yes."

"No." Paul shrugged. Lynne walked away, still glaring at Mike Novick. "Hey Mike, I think that song was directed at you." LBP said innocently. Mike paled now. "So while Mike and Lynne sort out their emotional problems, we have Reza Naiyeer singing . . . OH MY GOD!" LBP rolled around on the ground in hysterical laughter. "NO WAY! Reza is singing Maria from West Side Story!"

Reza came out onto the stage and smiled uncertainly at Marie. Marie looked like she wanted to wrap her hands around his throat and strangle him. Graem and Paul were ready hold down Marie, in case she wanted to strangle Reza during his performance.

He opened his mouth to sing.

_The most beautiful sound I ever heard_

_All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word_

_Maria_

_I just met a girl named Maria_

_And suddenly that name_

_Will never be the same_

_To me_

_Maria_

_I just kissed a girl named Maria_

_And suddenly I found_

_How wonderful a sound_

_Can be_

_Maria_

_Say it loud and there's music playing_

_Say it soft and it's almost like praying_

_Maria_

_I'll never stop saying_

_Maria_

_Maria, Maria..._

_Maria_

_Say it loud and there's music playing_

_Say it soft and it's almost like praying_

_Maria_

_I'll never stop saying_

_Maria_

_The most beautiful sound I ever heard_

_Maria_

Graem shook his head. "Any attempt to woo Marie failed horribly. No." Graem looked over at Marie, knowing that she was going to explode in about three seconds.

"MY NAME IS MARIE!" She screeched. She stole Tony's aforementioned cinder block and threw it at Reza. It missed him point blank, but he fainted anyway.

"I guess it doesn't matter whether I say yes or no." Paul muttered. Reza was carried offstage.

"Well that was tonight's show. Tune in next week to see who else makes onto 24 Idol. Good night." LBP greeted. The cameras turned off, and LBP headed backstage.

She met House24Fan outside of Graem's dressing room. "All right then." LBP muttered. "Let's get to work."

* * *

**What exactly are the reviewers and I up too? You'll find out next chapter. I'll try to update again tonight, and maybe three times today. That'd be nice, wouldn't it? And trust me, it's gonna be funny. Review, and you'll be mentioned in the next chapter! Also in the next chapter, Michelle and Tony are auditioning! Not together, obviously, but you know what I mean. So review! **


	4. Day 3 Auditions

**A/N: Sorry this took so long to get up! Life has been SO crazy. I would've updated yesterday, except I was suffering from a severe case of indegestion cuz I ate too much food at Easter. And then I remembered I had an English essay due today, so I had to work on that. Not to mention I'm still utterly grounded. And my brother destroyed my USB disk. So, I have to get a new one. Plus, this chapter was like, twenty pages long on my computer. In the meantime, you'll have to suffice with my updating while I can. I have so many new readers and reviewers! I do have to make one small note on my chumminess with Tony and Michelle. This is not intentional, and I am not using favoritism in anyway. Recently, I've been writing some fics that are in between the Seasons, with Tony and Michelle fluff/angst/all that good stuff. The reason I'm so chummy with them, is because in those fics, Tony and Michelle have a made up niece, named Katie (who is also in my other 24 fic 'Time to Save the World') that is very close to them. So that explains the Tony and Michelle chumminess. And Chloe is very OOC because I want her to be, and making characters OOC is fun. Now I shall take the time to talk to you all:**

**Allyson Bauer: You didn't exactly work your way into this fic . . . you reviewed, and it got you in. Do you really want to be killed off? This is a parody fic . . . and people only die when it's funny, even though it's not really funny when someone dies, or they're just plain annoying. Lynne's song was the easiest to find for me. And I can totally see that, indeed. Sadly, Mister Snuggles doesn't make that much of an appearance in this chapter, but all the same, he's here. **

**happyhooligan2001: Uhh, I'm not exactly sure what you mean by that. Your sentence confused me. But I don't own all Seasons of 24 on DVD. In fact, I only recently saw the Season Finale of Season 4, though I know what happens in Season 5, and I know about Audrey's supposed death.**

**Vadergirl2006: Yes Audrey makes her appearance this chapter, and she will sing with the Season 6 people. Even if she was dead, she'd still be auditioning, cuz she's one of Jack's girlfriends.**

**charlieh07: YAY! More readers! It's certainly a pick me up after a sucky day at school, I gotta say. So I hope this chapter is just as mood enlightning as the last!**

**House24fan: That's my intentions here. MUAHAHAHAHA! All of Jack's girlfriends will be here, or almost all of them, auditioning and fighting over him! Really, you've never heard of cameo fics? I've been in a few cameo fics myself, and I've only written one other cameo fic, which has nothing to do with what I'm writing now. YES! TONY AND MICHELLE FOR FOREVER! **

**Audrey Bauer: Well . . . I don't really like Audrey myself(you do realize LBP is me, don't you?) and Kate was my personal fave. Although, now that I've seen all of Season 4, I kinda like her.**

**WickedJelly: YAY! I'm glad I have another reader who enjoys this story! I'm sorry that my not starting of a new paragraph irks you, but it's how I've been writing, and no had faulted me for it until I started writing on Fanfic. It's what I'm used to, so it's hard to break out of an old habit. But because I felt bad that I irked you, I made an attempt to start a new paragraph when a new person speaks. And thanks for the critque. I'm here to please, so I do enjoy getting critque. **

**msflapotter: Well, I just had it in mind when I started. **

**DracoMalfoylover113: Everybody loves Mister Snuggles! I should start one of those copy and paste things that says, 'If you like Milo's teddy bear, Mister Snuggles, copy and paste this into your profile.'**

**Disclaimer: I don't own 24, American Idol, Futrama(you'll see why), Heroes( you'll see why) and any songs I use in this chapter. **

* * *

_One Week Ago/After the End of Last Chapter_

She met House24Fan outside of Graem's dressing room. "All right then." LBP muttered. "Let's get to work." LBP, House24Fan, happyhooligan2001, M. Dobbs, jess o'brian bauer, and msflapotter entered Graem's dressing room.

"Msflapotter, keep a lookout at the front door. House24Fan, did you bring it?" LBP said urgently. She paused and added, "We'll need someone to look out the back door too, jess o'brian, can you handle that? M. Dobbs, can you disable the security camera and take out the tape and destroy it?" M. Dobbs got up and started messing with the security camera, and jess o'brian bauer watched the back door. "House24Fan, take out the vile. happyhooligan2001, do we have an affirmative on the bottle of hair stuff? Any type?" LBP asked.

House24Fan asked, "Which vile? I brought my special kit."

"Uhh, do we have a hot pink vile?"

"No, sorry. I used that on Jack two weeks ago."

"Dammit." LBP hissed.

Vadergirl2006 asked, "Why hot pink? Can't we use a brighter color?"

"LBP! We found a bottle of hair gel! I repeat. We have found a bottle of hair gel!" happyhooligan2001 called.

"All right. House24Fan, what colors do you have?"

"I have Neon Green." House24Fan said.

"That's going to have to do! We've got company!" cried msflapotter.

"All right, M. Dobbs, jess o'brian, msflapotter, create a distraction for him NOW!" cried LBP. "House24Fan, toss me the vile! Vadergirl2006, make sure that the security camera is fully unoperational!" LBP cried. She opened the can of hair gel and poured in the contents of the neon green container. "Let's move!" LBP and House24Fan dashed out of the room.

The reviewers and LBP moved to a safe place. "Allyson Bauer, we were successful, I repeat we were successful." LBP spoke into her walkie-talkie. "Allyson Bauer, do you copy?"

"LBP, this is -almeida-lover-." The walkie crackled.

"-almeida-lover-? Where is Allyson Bauer?" LBP asked.

"Uh . . . she kind of took off."

"Dammit! How could you let this happen?"

"Well Tony came and . . ." "DAMMIT!" LBP hissed and prepared to find Michelle and hunt down Tony. "House24Fan, it's your responsibility to lead these reviewers to safety. Vadergirl2006 and happyhooligan2001, you two are responsible for everyone else in case something happens to House24Fan, understood?" LBP said, in her best Jack Bauer imitation. Everyone nodded and LBP took off.

"-almeida-lover-, where was Allyson Bauer last seen?"

"Headed west of Marie's dressing room. Toward Tony's room."

"Dear God. Speaking of Marie's dressing room, is the letter in place?"

"Yes, everything went off without a hitch." LBP nodded. So both operations had been successful. Up ahead, LBP could faintly hear somebody yelling at someone else.

"Michelle!" LBP hollered. Michelle and Nina stopped yelling at each other to stare at LBP.

"Nina, I need to speak to Michelle. It's about Tony." LBP said, glaring at Nina.

"What about Tony?" They both asked suspiciously.

"You're not going to leave, are you Nina?" LBP asked sourly.

Nina smirked, "Hell no."

LBP sighed, "One of the reviewers went against orders, and is now tracking down Tony."

"Go on," Michelle made a motion to tell LBP to continue speaking.

"She's a diehard Tony fan, and probably would do anything to make out with him."

Michelle gasped, and Nina's face hardened. "So . . . uhh . . . I was about to say something really cool, but I can't remember what it is." LBP said, kind of in a depressed way. "So, let's find Tony, before she takes this too far, and Tony has a fourth girlfriend to add to his roster."

LBP, Michelle and Nina headed down the hallway toward Tony's room. "How could you let this happen?" Michelle asked LBP.

"Uhh . . . well, it's a long story. Allyson Bauer wasn't under my surveillance at the time." LBP partially explained.

"What do you mean? Aren't you responsible for all the reviewers?" Nina asked.

"What is ths? Interrogation at CTU?" LBP asked, irritated.

"Look! There he is!" Michelle cried. Michelle took off at a faster sprint.

"Tony!" Screamed Nina. Tony was backing out of his room.

"Tony!" Whined Allyson Bauer.

"'Chelle!" Tony cried. Michelle ran up to Tony, and he scooped her up in his arms. "She said she had you hostage, and a legion of reviewers at her expense." He murmured.

"UM HELLO? WHO IS THE AUTHORESS OF THIS STORY? ME!" LBP scowled angrily. She looked a lot like Chloe.

"You okay Tony? Nina muttered.

"Dammit Allyson, you put all of our operations in danger by walking off like that." LBP said, crossing her arms.

"But I wanted to kiss Tony!" Allyson wept.

"I do too! But you don't see me- wait, wanted? Aw, hell." LBP frowned.

"Tony, did you make out with her?" Nina asked, now trying to hide all obvious signs of glee. Michelle glared at him, and Tony noticeably paled.

"Tony," Michelle said in a lethal voice.

"Shut up everyone!" LBP hissed. Everyone fell silent, and LBP could hear a faint ticking noise. "Dear God," LBP whispered. "EVERYONE! GET OUT NOW!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. Michelle, Tony, Nina, Allyson Bauer, and LBP ran down the corridor. Allyson Bauer tripped and LBP turned around to help her up. "Hey Allyson Bauer? Do you know who did this?"

"It was-'

Suddenly, and without warning, the hallway exploded. "Go!" LBP pushed Allyson Bauer after Tony, Michelle, and Nina. Then, darkness.

_Today/ The Beginning of Day 3's Auditions_

LBP came out on stage on crutches. She had come out of her coma relatively quickly, and her ankle had been singed a little, but nothing too serious. Allyson Bauer was okay too. She was in the audience, and she waved sheepishly at LBP. Just relieved to see her in the audience, LBP waved back cheerfully.

"Welcome to 24 Idol!" LBP cried. The audience cheered. "Welcome our judges, Graem Bauer . . . hey, where's Graem?" LBP scowled. "Somebody get Graem, NOW!"

The producers went backstage, and called back, "LBP! He won't come out!"

"Tell him I'm going whack him upside the head with my crutches if he doesn't come out." Graem came out and LBP gasped, "Well that operation did a number I hadn't expected."

Graem's hair was neon green . . . and up in a mohawk. "Graem, what happened? Did you lose a bet?" Marie asked as he sat down.

"No, uh no. His hair gel was sabotaged." LBP giggled. Kate, who was standing on the side of the stage was smiling. Marie caught Kate's eye, and they were both smiling.

_Yes! They worked! My beautiful plans worked! _LBP silently cheered.

"YOU DID THIS?" Graem seethed.

"Yeah. But you hired Mandy to put the bomb in Tony's room, so we're even." LBP said.

"I didn't hire Mandy to put the bomb in Tony's room! I told Mandy if she could pull it off successfully, I'd give her $100."

"You disgust me," LBP sneered.

"Anyway, Michelle Dessler," The audience cheered. "Tony Almeida," The audience cheered even louder. "Chase Edmunds, Adam Kaufman, Ryan Chappelle." LBP paused to make a gaging noise. "Tom Baker," LBP cheered now. "Sherry Palmer? Claudia, and Stephen Saunders are auditioning today. First up is Michelle Dessler singing Heaven by DJ Sammy(A/N: The original is by Bryan Adams, but DJ Sammy's Version is better)."

Michelle came out, looking particularly modest. "You okay?" Michelle whispered into LBP's ear.

"Yeah, peachy. Now go out there and wow everybody away." LBP replied.

"Uh, before I begin singing, I would like to dedicate this song to my husband, Tony Almeida." Michelle said. "Love you Tony."

"Awww," LBP murmured. Michelle took in a deep breath.

_Baby you're all that I want  
When you're lying here in my arms  
I'm finding it hard to believe  
We're in heaven_

_We're in Heaven  
_

_Oh thinkin' about our younger years  
There was only you and me_

_Baby you're all that I want  
When you're lying here in my arms  
I'm finding it hard to believe  
We're in heaven  
And love is all that I need  
And I found it there in your heart  
It isn't too hard to see  
We're In Heaven  
We're in heaven_

_Now nothing can change what you mean to me(oh)  
there's a lot that I can say  
but just hold me now  
cuz our love will light the way_

_Baby you're all that I want  
When you're lying here in my arms  
I'm finding it hard to believe  
We're in heaven  
And love is all that I need  
And I found it there in your heart  
It isn't too hard to see  
We're In Heaven(Heaven)_

_Now our dreams are coming true  
Through the good times and the bad  
I'll be standing there by you(ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh)_

_We're in heaven_

_And love is all that i need  
And I found it there in your heart  
It isn't to hard to see  
we're in heaven  
_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh  
_

_We're in heaven_

"No. It was moving, but nowhere near as moving as Nina's performance." Graem said snobbishly.

"SAY WHAT?" Tony and LBP seethed.

"You almost blew her up a week ago! The least you can do is let her go on!" LBP screamed.

"Chill. Wanna borrow my crowbar?" Milo said.

"No, I'm good. I have my crutches." LBP said. "Hey, where's Mister Snuggles?" She added.

As Milo went to go find Mister Snuggles again, LBP and Chloe exchanged an evil grin. "Marie, what did you think of Michelle's performance?" LBP asked.

"Well Michelle, since you dedicated your performance to him, it's obvious you love him. But this song really, truly, proved that you love him. You move on."

"That had feeling, a lot of feeling in it. You know what you want, and you've gotten it here today. You move on."

"Welcome to 24 Idol!" LBP hollered, handing Michelle a golden envelope.

"Next up is . . . OHMYGODIT'STONYALMEIDA!" LBP screamed like the obsessed fan girl she was. "Up next is Tony Almeida singing Hero by Enrique Iglesias."

Tony walked out on stage, and he looked over at Michelle. "Love you too sweetheart." He murmured.

"AWWWWWWWWWW!" LBP cried. "Graem, if you don't let him on, you're heartless." LBP growled.

"But he hasn't even started singing yet." Graem said innocently.

"I don't care. Unless of course you want your hair to be dyed hot pink for next week's show." The audience whooped and hollered.

Jack gave them all the glare of death. "Can we get Tony to sing sometime tonight?" He growled at them.

LBP smiled evilly and screamed at the top of her lungs, "MILO! JACK HAS MISTER SNUGGLES!"

Jack gaped at LBP. "BUT I DON'T!" He wailed.

"Then why is he bound and gagged in your dressing room?" Chloe asked.

"Because you put him there." Teri said menacingly.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT WOMAN?" Chloe and LBP cried at the same time. "WE WERE SO DISCREET!"

"Uhh . . . you weren't that discreet. You broke down the door to Milo's room, stole the teddy bear, and sprinted madly to Jack's room." Teri said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"There's one flaw in your . . . story. I can't run! I'm on crutches!" LBP declared triumphantly.

"I never said you ran." Teri said.

"DAMMIT!" Chloe, LBP, and Jack said in unison.

"But Jack, you weren't in on this." LBP said confusedly.

"I know. Milo just came with his crowbar." Jack began to run for his life and Tony asked, "Is this show always this weird?"

"It could be weirder. I don't feel well, so it's not." LBP said. Tony shrugged and sang.

_Let me be your hero_

_Would you dance  
if I asked you to dance?  
Would you run  
and never look back?  
Would you cry  
if you saw me cry?  
And would you save my soul, tonight?  
_

_Would you tremble  
if I touched your lips?  
Would you laugh?  
Oh please tell me this.  
Now would you die  
for the one you loved?  
Hold me in your arms, tonight._

_I can be your hero, baby.  
I can kiss away the pain.  
I will stand by you forever.  
You can take my breath away._

_Would you swear  
that you'll always be mine?  
Or would you lie?  
would you run and hide?  
Am I in too deep?  
Have I lost my mind?  
I don't care...  
You're here tonight._

_I can be your hero, baby.  
I can kiss away the pain.  
I will stand by you forever.  
You can take my breath away._

_Oh, I just want to hold you.  
I just want to hold you.  
Am I in too deep?  
Have I lost my mind?  
I don't care...  
You're here tonight._

_I can be your hero.  
I can kiss away the pain.  
And I will stand by you forever.  
You can take my breath away.  
You can take my breath away._

_I can be your hero_.

The audience hollered and cheered. Michelle ran out onto the stage and practically fell into Tony's embrace. Michelle was crying, LBP almost fainted, Allyson Bauer was scowling, Nina had a pained look on her face, and every member of the Carlos Bernard fan club was swooning.

"We all must be severely obsessed." LBP said, slightly concerned.

"I'M NOT!" Audrey Bauer and WickedJelly screamed at the same time.

"Well then there's something wrong with you guys. Graem, what do you have to say about Tony's performance? And it better be something nice, or I swear to you, that hair is turning hot pink. Permanently."

"You can't do that." House24Fan said.

"No, but who says a girl can't dream?"

"Well, uh, mainly because I don't want my hair to be permanately dyed pink, I think that was just a wonderful performance." Graem said innocently as he could.

"AND?" LBP asked. The producers looked at one another. What was wrong with LBP today? And then it hit them.

"Oh crap it's a sugar rush." They muttered to each other.

LBP smiled evilly and looked at Graem. "And?" She inquired of him.

"Uh, you're really cool Tony, good job." Graem said nervously. Between Jack giving him the special Jack Bauer-glare-of-doom and LBP smiling innocently and evilly at the same time, he had every reason to go into cardiac arrest.

LBP shrugged. "Good enough for me. Marie?"

"Tony darling, did I ever mention you were wonderful?" Marie asked, staring into Tony's eyes.

"Is every woman on this show in love with me?" Tony asked, slightly freaked out.

"No." Said seven of Jack's eight girlfriends. Take a guess; who was the only one that didn't say no?

"No!" Added Mandy and Nicole, those two assassins from Season 4.

"What the heck are you two doing here? That's NEXT chapter!" LBP exclaimed, hastily shutting the two assassins in the closet.

"Not your best plan LBP." Tony said innocently.

"If it were anyone else, but you, I'd slap them for saying that." LBP growled, yet still maintained her innocent look.

"Jack, what did you drug her with?" Someone on the side stage asked.

"AUDREY!" exclaimed everyone but Jack's girlfriends.

"Who is this Jack?" Teri said venomously.

Paul instantly stared at Audrey.

"Paul?" LBP asked. "Paul? PAUL?" She smacked him upside the head with a fish corpse.

"Wha?" He asked, completely dazed.

"Tony's performance? Seriously, we need to stop all these distractions, or we're going to run over." LBP shivered. "And I don't want to face those guys up at time scheduling again."

"Oh . . . right. That was good Tony. Go on. Just leave me alone so I can stare at Audrey some more."

"Welcome to 24 Idol." LBP said, handing him the golden envelope. Michelle, who had magically appeared with the other people who made it, hugged Tony again. "Uh, next up is Chase Edmunds. He's singing Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. So let's give him a hand. Pun intended."

As Chase walked out on stage, a Styrofoam hand was chucked at his head. "SORRY ABOUT THAT!" Jack yelled. LBP giggled insanely. Chase glared at both of them. LBP instantly was quiet, but Jack smirked at him.

"Hurry Chase. Before Milo brings his crowbar back."

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_'Cause I know that you feel me somehow _

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now _

_And all I can taste is this moment _

_And all I can breathe is your life _

_'Cause sooner or later it's over _

_I just don't want to miss you tonight _

_And I don't want the world to see me _

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand _

_When everything's made to be broken _

_I just want you to know who I am _

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming _

_Or the moment of truth in your lies _

_When everything feels like the movies, _

_Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive _

_And I don't want the world to see me _

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand _

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am _

_And I don't want the world to see me _

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand _

_When everything's made to be broken _

_I just want you to know who I am _

_And I don't want the world to see me _

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand _

_When everything's made to be broken _

_I just want you to know who I am _

_I just want you to know who I am _

_I just want you to know who I am _

_I just want you to know who I am_

The audience cheered, and another Styrofoam hand, courtesy of Jack, was chucked at Chase's head.

"Absolutely not. The world does not need to know who you are. And plus, the world does not need to see that you have one hand." Graem said, back to his matter-of-factly self.

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! WHOOO!" LBP cried randomly, throwing her hands up in the air. The audience, judges, and contestants stared at her, then at Jack, then back at her.

Bender, from Futurama came over and snapped, "Stop taking lines from shows that don't belong to you."

LBP hissed like a cat. Then she turned politely back to the judges, smiling she said, "Marie?"

"I'm not sure what scares me more, LBP, or your singing Chase. However, since I LOVE that song, I'll let you go on." Reza shoved Chase to one side and began singing,

"MARIA!"

"MY NAME IS MARIE!" She seethed, chucking another Styrofoam hand at Reza's head.

"Paul?" LBP asked. He was still staring at Audrey.

"Um, Paul, sweetie, I think you need to answer the crazy Authoress/host." Audrey said nervously. Between an insane LBP, venomous glares from all of Jack's girlfriends, Paul staring at her, and learning what happened in Tony's dressing room last week, she had every right to be terrified. Oh yeah, did we mention a bomb went off last week? After what happened in Tony's dressing room? Luckily for her, her knight in shining armor, Jack, was there to save her.

"Yeah that was great, you go on." Paul said uninterestedly.

LBP handed Chase a golden envelope. "Welcome to 24 Idol! Next up is . . . ADAM KAUFMAN? SINGING WHAT HURTS THE MOST?" LBP fainted as Adam walked on stage. Only to momentarily revive herself and scream, "AH! IT'S SYLAR!"

Wait a second. The Authoress . . . FAINTED? Then . . . who is writing the story? Who is keeping this story's weirdness to itself? AHHHHH!

House24Fan and WickedJelly came on stage with epinephrin. "LBP! WAKE UP!" WickedJelly screamed.

Msflapotter ran out onto the stage. "MILO FOUND OUT WHERE MISTER SNUGGLES IS!" She screamed.

LBP sat up straight. "Did he really?"

"No, but I figure it'd get you awake." Msflapotter shrugged.

"Good call," LBP said, as Allyson Bauer hurried on stage to pull her up. "Where are my crutches?" She asked, her eyes sweeping the crowd.

"JACK!" She seethed, seeing Jack Bauer with her crutches. Luckily, Milo and his crowbar saved the day, sort of. Milo jumped down from the rafters of the stage, landing right on top of poor Jack. Cuz Milo had gained a few pounds over the past month.

"Can you catch?" Milo asked, holding up the crutches. Personally, he didn't want to throw them, but he was having so much fun crushing Jack. So instead he prepared to throw them.

But then LBP replied,"Only as well as you can lose weight." Luckily for LBP and Milo, Audrey was nice enough to get LBP's crutches. "Thank you Audrey." LBP said quietly.

"So, who is Jack's coolest girlfriend now?" Audrey asked jokingly.

"EXCUSE ME?" Teri screeched. Audrey tilted her head to one side.

LBP whispered into her ear, "Teri doesn't know that Jack has had about eight girlfriends since she 'died'."

"Ah. Wait, I thought she was dead."

"She was, until I started to write this story. That's why Paul is a judge on this show." LBP muttered.

Audrey nodded and Adam screamed, "AM I GOING TO SING ANYTIME THIS LIFETIME?"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! SYLAR!" screamed LBP, hopping around on her crutches in a circle.

"Stop that right now, or I will cut your skull open, and absorb the superpowers from your brain." Adam hissed.

LBP whimpered, "But I don't have superpowers. Just sing already!" Adam sneered, and it looked like a bad imitation of Chloe's scowl.

Audrey whispered very quietly to LBP, "You do know Paul is tone-deaf, right?"

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me  
_

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken_

_What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

_What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

_(Not seeing that loving you)  
That's what I was trying to do_

Adam looked over momentarily at the blond analyst and LBP nearly broke out in hysterics. _He's singing about Chloe! _She thought gleefully. She caught Tony and Michelle's eye and knew they were thinking the same thing. LBP looked over in Chloe's direction to see a look of utter horror plastered on her face. _Evidently she gets the message too._

"Graem?" LBP asked, trying to contain her laughter.

"It was so obvious you were singing about Chloe. However, that was very touching, and so I will let you go on." Graem said, watching with satisfaction as Adam squirmed visibly. Graem grinned evilly.

Chloe said, "Uh, Adam? It was very sweet and all . . . but there is no way I would ever go out with you. I'm sorry, it just wouldn't work out between us."

"OH COME ON!" Adam wailed. "You went out with Milo!"

"No I didn't!" Chloe scowled. "We went to go see 'a few good movies'! Which weren't even that good! And no offense, but Milo's hotter than you. But Jack is hotter than all of you!"

"Even me?" Morris asked.

"OH CRAP IT'S MORRIS!" Chloe nearly screamed at the top of her lungs, and sprinted down the hallway to her dressing room to hide from Morris.

Marie said, "Well, if I were you, I wouldn't be chasing Chloe, that's my first point. Secondly, there's a lot of feeling behind that song, and I like it. For some reason, that song reminds me of the music from Titanic. Beautiful, but majorly depressing. You go on."

"The word 'majorly' is slang Marie. And it's my job to use slang." Paul began.

"No it isn't! I took your slang privileges away." LBP said loudly.

"Anyways, I'll let you on. I have no comments for you. Although Chloe is kinda hot." Paul admitted.

"Welcome to 24 Idol! Please don't kill me Sylar." LBP announced, cutting Paul off, and handing Adam a golden envelope. "Next up is Ryan Chappelle singing . . . dear God. No! No way! That's not possible! This is almost as scary as Nina singing the Pussycat Dolls! NO WAY! WHY DO I PICK THESE SONGS FOR THEM?"

"Please don't tell me he's singing Nelly Furtado." WickedJelly said.

"Nope. Even worse. This is Ryan Chappelle singing . . . Let's Get Loud by Jennifer Lopez." LBP said with dread. In that moment, the 100-some odd people reading this story, the made up the audience that has a few reviewers spread here and there, and everyone else in the studio began cracking up.

Ryan strutted on stage, winked at Michelle(A/N: I'm not a RyanMichelle shipper, I promise! It's just . . . they implied it), and grabbed the microphone.

_Let's get loud, let's get loud  
Turn the music up, let's do it  
C'mon people let's get loud  
Let's get loud  
Turn the music up to hear that sound  
Let's get loud, let's get loud  
Ain't nobody gotta tell ya  
What you gotta do  
_

_If you wanna live your life  
Live it all the way and don't waste it  
Every feelin' every beat  
Can be so very sweet you gotta taste it_

_You gotta do it, you gotta do it your way  
You gotta prove it  
You gotta mean what you say  
You gotta do it, you gotta do it your way  
You gotta prove it  
You gotta mean what you say_

_Life's a party, make it hot  
Dance don't ever stop whatever rhythm  
Every minute, every day  
Take them all the way you gotta live 'em  
(cause I'm gonna live my life)_

_You gotta do it, you gotta do it your way  
You gotta prove it  
You gotta mean what you say  
You gotta do it, you gotta do it your way You gotta prove it  
You gotta mean what you say_

_Let's get loud, let's get loud  
Turn the music up, let's do it  
C'mon people let's get loud  
Let's get loud  
Turn the music up to hear that sound  
Let's get loud, let's get loud  
Ain't nobody gotta tell ya  
What you gotta do_

_Life is meant to be fun  
You're not hurtin' anyone  
Nobody loses  
Let the music make you free  
Be what you wanna be  
Make no excuses_

_You gotta do it, you gotta do it your way  
You gotta prove it  
You gotta mean what you say  
You gotta do it, you gotta do it your way  
You gotta prove it  
You gotta mean what you say._

_Let's get loud, let's get loud  
Turn the music up, let's do it  
C'mon people let's get loud  
Let's get loud  
Turn the music up to hear that sound  
Let's get loud, let's get loud  
Ain't nobody gotta tell ya  
What you gotta do_

_Let's get loud, let's get loud  
Turn the music up, let's do it  
C'mon people let's get loud  
Let's get loud  
Turn the music up to hear that sound  
Let's get loud, let's get loud  
Ain't nobody gotta tell ya  
What you gotta do _

LBP stared, her mouth agape. Between learning that Paul was tone-deaf, and Chappelle singing Jennifer Lopez, it was only a matter of time before her ears started bleeding.

"No." The judges didn't even exchange a glance. Michelle was trying to hide her giggles, and Tony wasn't making any attempt to hide his smirk.

"HA! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR TORTURING GAEL!" Somebody screamed.

"What does that have to do with anything?" LBP asked. "Speaking of random things, next up to sing is . . . OHMYGOD! IT'S TOM BAKER!" LBP was giddy with excitement, but she noticed that Tony squirmed a little bit. _Oh right, I almost forgot! Tony told Tom that Saunders was somewhere else, to let Saunders escape, to save Michelle. AWKWARD MOOSE!_

Tom hurried out on stage, and briefly shook LBP's hand. He wanted to get his song over with, before any madness could possibly ensue.

_Every time I look in the mirror  
All these lines on my face getting clearer  
The past is gone  
It goes by, like dusk to dawn  
Isn't that the way  
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay  
_

_Yeah, I know nobody knows  
where it comes and where it goes  
I know it's everybody's sin  
You got to lose to know how to win_

_Half my life  
is in books' written pages  
Lived and learned from fools and  
from sages  
You know it's true  
All the things come back to you_

_Sing with me, sing for the year  
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears  
Sing with me, if it's just for today  
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away_

_Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year  
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear  
sing with me, if it's just for today  
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away  
Dream On Dream On Dream On  
Dream until your dreams come true  
Dream On Dream On Dream On  
Dream until your dream comes through  
Dream On Dream On Dream On  
Dream On Dream On  
Dream On Dream On_

_Sing with me, sing for the year  
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear  
sing with me, if it's just for today  
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away  
Sing with me, sing for the year  
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear  
Sing with me, if it's just for today  
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away..._

The audience cheered. "Judges?" LBP asked. She was getting really tired of asking them their opinion, but unfortunately, it was mandatory.

"No. You're not meant to sing Aerosmith. That is meant for Stephen Tyler only." Graem said. Some members of the audience applauded Graem's words.

LBP stared. She turned to Marie. "Marie?"

"YES! OMG YES YOU GO ON!" Marie giggled, and blinked her eyes flirtatiously at Tom.

"Paul?" LBP asked nervously. Sure, she never had any faith in Paul. Now it was almost gone.

Paul nodded distantly. "Yeah, he goes on."

"Welcome to 24 Idol!" LBP announced, handing Tom a golden envelope. Something was off. The studio seemed . . . too calm. "Where's Jack?" LBP asked nervously. Audrey looked around, and so did Teri, so did Nina and so did Kate. None of them could find him. "Uh, next up is Sherry Palmer? Singing Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?" LBP cried.

"Kansas?" Jack jumped down from the ceiling. "That band sucks noodles."

"Perhaps, but that is one wicked song on Guitar Hero!" LBP said, watching warily as Sherry Palmer came out, waving to the audience, who like LBP, were wondering what the heck Sherry was doing. "Shouldn't you be corrupting someone's political campaign?" LBP said innocently.

"I need to do, what I need to do." Sherry said in her 'I'm-going-to-take-over-the-world-so-don't-mess-with-me' tone.

"MUAHAHAHA!" Adam cackled.

"AH! SYLAR!" screamed LBP, hopping in a circle on her crutches.

"Ah, that never gets old." Adam chuckled.

"OH YEAH? I'M GONNA GO TELL MOHINDER!" whined LBP, using the crutches to get herself over to the NBC studio and find Mohinder.

"WAIT!" cried Adam, dashing after LBP. Sherry Palmer pressed her hands against her hips.

"GET OFF THE STAGE! WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE!" All of the reviewers screamed in unison.

"I'm going to sing anyway, I don't care what you think!" Sherry said snidely.

_Carry on my wayward son  
There'll be peace when you are done  
Lay your weary head to rest  
Don't you cry no more  
_

_Once I rose above the noise and confusion  
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion  
I was soaring ever higher  
But I flew too high_

_Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man  
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man  
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming  
I can hear them say_

_Masquerading as a man with a reason  
My charade is the event of the season  
And if I claim to be a wise man, well  
It surely means that I don't know_

_On a stormy sea of moving emotion  
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean  
I set a course for winds of fortune  
But I hear the voices say_

_No!  
_

_Carry on my wayward son  
There'll be peace when you are done_

_Lay your weary head to rest  
Don't you cry (don't you cry no more)_

"No. No way. It's just not possible." Graem said. Marie nodded, lost for words.

"I personally think it was wonderful." Paul said.

"You're tone-deaf, how would you know?" LBP snapped and crossed her arms. Her Podcast wasn't very interesting. She was scowling, and Chloe beamed.

"Oh my little protege, your scowl looks good." Chloe said proudly.

LBP's face muscles didn't move, and this caused Chloe to beam even more. It was very scary. "Next up," LBP growled. "Is Claudia singing Waiting For Tonight by Jennifer Lopez. Hey! Jack, have you noticed a lot of your girlfriends are here?" DracoMalfoylover113 laughed insanely. LBP blinked and muttered, "And I thought I was crazy."

Though many of her reviewers nodded in agreement. Claudia asked, "Puedo cantar ahora?"

"Si." LBP replied.

Claudia flashed a winning smile in Jack's direction, causing everyone in the vicinity to give Jack the look, _You dated her? _

_Like a movie scene  
In the sweetest dreams  
Have pictured us together  
Now to feel your lips  
On my fingertips  
I have to say is even better  
_

_Then I ever thought it could possibly be  
It's perfect, it's passion  
It's setting me free  
From all of the sadness,  
the tears that I've cried  
I have spent all of my life.  
_

_Waiting for tonight, oh  
When you would be here in my arms  
Waiting for tonight, oh  
I've dreamed of this love for so long  
Waiting for tonight_

_Tender words you say  
Take my breath away  
Love me now, leave me never  
Found a sacred place  
Lost in your embrace I want to stay in this forever  
I think of the days when the sun used to set  
On my empty heart, all alone in my bed  
Tossing and turning  
Emotions were strong  
I knew I had to hold on_

_Waiting for tonight, oh  
When you would be here in my arms  
Waiting for tonight, oh  
I've dreamed of this love for so long  
Waiting for tonight_

_Gone are the days when the sun used to set  
On my empty heart all alone in my bed  
Tossing and turning  
Emotions were strong  
I knew I had to hold on_

_Waiting for tonight, oh  
When you would be here in my arms  
Waiting for tonight, oh  
I've dreamed of this love for so long  
Waiting for tonight  
_

"Dear God Jack! You've dated _how many_ women after Teri died?" Graem asked. Jack looked down at the floor, and Graem turned back to Claudia. "Well, I must say, muy bien!"

"I speak English, you know." Claudia growled, clenching and unclenching her fist. LBP made a mental note on how long Claudia's finger nails were.

"Hey, whatever happened to Bill?" LBP and Audrey asked in unison. They heard muffled yells and a hand bashing against a door.

"That must be Bill. I need a package of C4. The only way to get Bill out of there is to blow up the door." Jack said.

"Or we could just open the door and let him out of the closet." LBP said quietly. LBP motioned for someone, other than Jack, to go free Bill. "Who locked him in there anyway?" LBP asked, but instead of looking directly at Jack, she looked directly at Tony. Tony blinked innocently, and Marie saved his hide by speaking up.

"I'm sorry Claudia. It just wasn't what we were looking for here." Marie said gently. "Plus, it's so obvious you were singing about Jack, and I personally think Jack will have a lot of issues as it is with as many of his former girlfriends here as possible."

"You're going on because I want Jack to suffer!" declared Paul. LBP shrugged.

Claudia was all right, but it seemed like she was hitting more on Chase, then she actually was in love with Jack or Ramon. And I just realized that Claudia was Hector's girlfriend. That last sentence wasn't even grammatically correct, was it? Anyway, LBP cried, "Welcome to 24 Idol!"

Claudia flounced over to where the number of finalists was growing. LBP sighed. She was gonna need an aspirin when this was all over. "Okay, our final audition for tonight is . . . uh oh . . ." LBP pressed on her earphone. "Do we really have to let him audition?" She winced as she heard the producer's response. "But I can think of at least . . . four people in this room alone that want to kill him. And that doesn't even count for the reviewers and the crazy devoted Tony fans who love him probably more than Michelle does. The four people? Me, Jack, Michelle and Tony. And now that I think of it, probably five, if you count Allyson Bauer."

LBP sighed, turning her earphone off. She wouldn't put it past anyone in the audience to try and kill their next auditioner. "Our final audition of the night is . . . Stephen Saunders," The name stung her throat like millions of bees. "Singing . . . holy crap, people will kill him for his song choice . . . Sweet Child 'O Mine by Guns 'N Roses." Making a mental note to herself to find her IPod, LBP refused to applaud as Stephen Saunders came out. The audience was completely silent. LBP looked over, very discreetly, at Michelle. Michelle was having a difficult time restraining Tony. LBP then looked over at Audrey, who was having a difficult time restraining Jack.

_This poor man. He's going to be dead before he has a chance to be judged. Personally, I think he deserves it more than anything. _LBP thought, crossing her arms and scowling like Chloe. "Take away Stephen." She said apathetically.

_She's got a smile that it seems to me  
Reminds me of childhood memories  
Where everything  
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky  
Now and then when I see her face  
She takes me away to that special place  
And if I'd stare too long  
I'd probably break down and cry  
_

_Sweet child o' mine  
Sweet love of mine_

_She's got eyes of the bluest skies  
As if they thought of rain  
I hate to look into those eyes  
And see an ounce of pain  
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place  
Where as a child I'd hide  
And pray for the thunder  
And the rain  
To quietly pass me by_

_Sweet child o' mine  
Sweet love of mine_

_Where do we go  
Where do we go now  
Where do we go  
Sweet child o' mine_

"Um . . ." Graem said quietly. He never got a chance to finish his sentence. A gunshot rang out across the studio. It sped past LBP, nearly taking her earlobe off with it. She turned around. Bill was holding the smoking gun.

"And that's what you get for hurting Michelle!" He sniffed.

It was very quiet. Then everyone burst into applause, including the judges. "Tune into 24 Idol next week to see who else will join us in this dismal show of talent! Good night!" LBP said, slightly unnerved by nearly getting her earlobe blown off.

* * *

**WASN'T THAT A TOTALLY AWESOME CHAPTER! Okay, that whole thing about Sylar, I guess if you don't watch Heroes, I have to explain it. The actor who plays Adam, plays this guy, Sylar, on Heroes. Sylar is a mass murderer who cut opens the skulls of people who have super powers, and absorbs the powers from their brains. AND HOW ABOUT PAUL BEING TONE DEAF? Didn't that throw you in for a loop?**

**That whole Adam-Chloe thing was inspired by something wrote in my other 24 fic, Time to Save the World. I was totally hyper and I was like, "I WANNA TRY A CHLOE/ADAM MOMENT!" I vowed never to do it again. **

**So . . . uh review. I realize that this chapter may not be as funny as some of the others, but I still hope you like it! Flames, critique, things I can improve on, favorite lines, favorite parts? If you take a gander at my profile, you'll see that I've set up some of my favorite moments from some of my other stories. **


	5. Day 4 Auditions

**A/N: My computer is being extremely evil. It keeps freezing as I'm writing and it's been taking forever to get this chapter done. And it's just taking me forever to get each chapter. So sorry that this is taking so long! Don't forget, I love you all. Chaos ensues and there is mass planning and stuff. With stuff. Like bombs, crowbars, and stuffed animals. AND TOMATOES! You know this will be FUN! What do I have in mind? I'm not telling you. But, I have totally been trying to start a new paragraph anytime a character speaks. I think I've been doing a pretty good job, insofar. **

**And I've been getting sick on and off as well. I have a poor immune system. I'm also swamped under 'end of the year' stuff. Like those evil things known as State Exams. And I'm also ungrounded now! YAY ME! HOLY MACROLE THIS CHAPTER IS TWICE AS LONG AS ANY NORMAL CHAPTER!**

**Reviewer replies:**

**-almeida-lover-: -beams- I'm glad you think it's funny. Don't worry, Graem still has his neon green hair, which won't wash off for many, MANY chapters.**

**M. Dobbs: YAY! IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH! I MIGHT HAVE SKILLZ! And this time I tried really hard to start a new paragraph each time a new person spoke. As Elphaba would say, I "Made good." I quoted that directly from WickedJelly's review. Heh. Well, here is a new installment for you!**

**Audrey Bauer: And you're here in this chapter too! YAY YOU!**

**Vadergirl2006: YAYZ! I'm glad you think it's funny with all of Jack's girlfriends. There's more girlfriend jealousy to be had in this chapter. Me? I'm a Tony/Michelle, Jack/Chloe and Jack/ Teri shipper. And even though I don't like Jack/Nina, I like Nina as a character.**

**DracoMalfoylover113: Yes, I put your NAME in the chapter. This chapter, you actually say/do STUFF! Ooh writing goodness. I'm also ungroudned now, so it's good. **

**Allyson Bauer: No, you don't need to say now much you love what I did with your dork kiss request, but I'd like to hear it! Yes, it actually did happen, but not in detail. Lucky for you, Tony hasn't forgotten and the kiss gets a mention in this chapter. AND Mister Snuggles makes his return! And so does the fish corpse! YAY FISHIE!**

**House24Fan: I LOVE THE VID OF IT ON YOUTUBE! I have my own Tony/Michelle video on YouTube. If you go to my profile, it should be on there if you want to see it. Tony and Michelle's song choices were practically give-ins so it wasn't that hard. Cuz it's just their SONGS. Oh yeah, and the Hero Tony Michelle video is really good too. I actually knew that Chase has a hand, but it's funnier to make fun of the fact that he at one point didn't. Because it just seems like something I would do if I ever met James Badge Dale. Who looks so much like my swim coach.**

**OMG it's WickedJelly: You changed your name! Sort of. You know, you changed it as I'm updating. So in this chapter, you're just WickedJelly, okay? Anyways, YAY! I MADE GOOD! And I tried REALLY REALLY hard to start a new paragraph every time. I think I did a good job. My English teacher didn't teach me to write that way, I just thought it was okay to write like that, and no one chided me for it. But, it does make the story longer in word count and in page length.**

**Ava Manning: -blushes- I'm glad you think it's the BEST 24 story you have ever read. It makes me smile/blush to hear/read you say/type that. And I am also glad to hear I'm awesome. And I will definately continue. I might even come up with a Season 2 of 24 Idol. OOH SEASON 2. But that'll be a long ways away, considering I haven't even finished the auditions.**

**happyhooligan2001: I actually saw Heroes, before I saw Season 3. So finally during that a few weeks that Heroes wasn't on, I was watching Season 3, and I was like, "Hey that dude looks like Sylar." -goes on IMDB- "WAIT A SEC! THAT IS SYLAR!" So yeah. I don't know who has the best performance of this round, but you'll have to get back to me on that one. Yeah, TSW has a few Adam/Chloe moments. Not many though. If you read it, I hope you got the chance to read it, and you liked it. If you didn't like it, that's okay too.**

**msflapotter: YES LINES! And you get some more! I can do this because I can. I'm just natrually hyper and weird, but I've also been listening toan insane amont of Weid Al lately. That would do it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own 24, its characters, or American Idol. YAY ME! AND SANJAYA GOT VOTED OFF! FINALLY!!! He stunk. Go Blake. **

* * *

_Last Week/End of Last Chapter_

In a hurried attempt to hide Stephen Saunders's body from their audience, LBP had stuffed him in a potato sack and practically threw him out the window. The bag landed in a dumpster truck that Tony had placed beneath the window.

In truth, the winsome threesome (Tony, Michelle and Jack) had never looked happier since Bill shot down Stephen Saunders at the end of the show/episode. "Hey Tony? Where's your brother-in-arms, Jack?" LBP asked, washing her hands after helping him dispose of Stephen Saunders's body.

"I dunno. I don't even know where my wife is." Tony replied, looking at her strangely. LBP hadn't said a word the entire time they were disposing of the body.

"I know where Michelle is. She's getting into a cat fight with Nina somewhere . . ." LBP said, drying her hands on a paper towel. "By the way, they're getting into a cat fight over you. And I need Jack's help."

"With what?" Tony asked curiously.

"Nothing." LBP said evasively.

"Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me or I'll go into every detail about my short lived make-out session with Allyson Bauer."

LBP grimaced. Personally, she didn't want to know, and she wanted to be the one to make out with Tony. "All right." LBP relented. She sighed, "After Chloe and I infiltrated Milo's room two weeks ago, and we kidnapped Mister Snuggles, Milo somehow got Mister Snuggles back and locked it into a high security vault. I needed to borrow Jack's packages of C4 to blow open the safe."

"What is it with everyone's obsession with that teddy bear?" Tony asked. He had no idea why Mister Snuggles was so special.

"We like making fun of Milo." LBP explained.

"We? As in?"

"Just about everyone."

"LBP!" screamed -almeida-lover-, Ava Manning, and DracoMalfoylover113 at once. They looked ready to burst out of their skin and they were jumping up and down excitedly. A wild light was in each of their eyes and LBP couldn't help but feel a tremor of apprehensiveness as -almeida-lover- handed her a key, Ava Manning handed her a laser gun, and DracoMalfoylover113 handed her a pack of C4. "For the safe!" they said in unison.

LBP's eyes lit up wildly. "Where did you get this?" She gasped, her eyes wide. "OOOH! I LOVE YOU ALL!" Screamed LBP at the top of her lungs, hugging each of them tightly.

"Did you get this from Jack's room?" Tony asked suspiciously. The three exchanged a nervous glance.

"Maybe." The trio said in unison. Tony was about to rebuke them when LBP screamed randomly,

"I KNOW WHO DID IT! I KNOW WHO ASKED MANDY AND NICOLE TO PLANT THE BOMB IN TONY'S ROOM!"

"Who?" Asked Allyson Bauer, coming over to where the group had formed. LBP quickly hid the stuff the other three reviewers had give her. Michelle emerged from down one of the hallways. Her lip was busted, there was a long gash down her cheek that was still dripping blood, and her hair was ruffled. For whatever Michelle looked like, Nina looked about five times worse. Nina was bleeding from her nose and her lip, her eye was swollen, there were several gashes down Nina's cheek and one of her earrings were missing. Plus there was some of her hair missing too. Tony instantly ran over to Michelle and took her in his arms, murmuring how brave she was. Nina gave him the glare of death.

LBP screamed, "YOU GUYS! IT WAS BILL! OR AARON PIERCE! I FORGET WHICH ONE LOOKS LIKE AN OLDER VERSION OF ISSAC SLADE FROM THE FRAY!"

"That would be Aaron." Michelle said, wincing as her cheek continued to bleed. Tony gently wiped her blood away with his thumb.

"Oh yeah, then it was Bill." LBP announced dramatically. "He planted the bomb in Tony's room, knowing that Allyson Bauer would stalk Tony there, blowing them both up to bits."

"You can't prove that!" Michelle gasped.

"Uh, yeah I can! Uh, hello? Who went all psychotic on Stephen Saunders for hurting you Michelle?? Who shot Saunders in the chest four times? Who paid Mandy and Nicole to lock him a closet, knowing that Jack would have some crazy obsession with wanting to blow the door open? None other than our very own Bill Buchanan." LBP said, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"But why? What would he have gained from blowing Tony to pieces?" WickedJelly asked, randomly appearing out nowhere and adding into the conversation.

"Cuz he couldn't have Michelle. He'd gain Michelle from all this."House24Fan said what LBP was about to say. LBP scowled. She had wanted to something awesomely cool about the whole situation, and HouseFan24 stole the spotlight. Audrey Bauer said nothing, merely lifting an eyebrow. "Sorry LBP, I know you wanted to say something uberly cool, but you took too long." House24Fan added.

Vadergirl2006 asked, "So . . . what's our next move?"

M. Dobbs shrugged.

Msflapotter suggested, "Get back at Bill?"

Happyhooligan2001 suggested, "Unkidnap President Logan so this whole thing will become pointless?" He paused and then said, "Never mind. This is too funny to become pointless."

-almeida-lover- said, half to herself, "Something with C4."

"WE COULD BLOW UP HIS ROOM! AND TAKE HIS STUFFED KITTY!" WickedJelly screamed at the top of her lungs. The rest blinked and nodded eagerly.

"Which kitty?" LBP asked.

"What do you mean 'which kitty'?" every other reviewer asked. They were all looking back and forth from each other, wondering how LBP knew that there was more than one. Maybe LBP just knew who actually had stuffed animals, and who didn't. The real question was: WHY would she feel the need to know that?

"Bill has like eight stuffed kitties." Chloe explained, coming out of absolutely nowhere. But she's cool, so it's okay. As long as Morris doesn't show up. "There was something about a favorite kitty he had, named Missus Whiskers."

"THAT'S IT!" LBP declared. "Okay, so basically everyone right here in this circle is now apart of what's going to happen next!" She giggled insanely. Her reviewers, Tony, Michelle, Nina and Chloe. "Nina, will you betray us? Cuz if you do, I'm gonna have Jack the crap out of you. Or, we could just burn your stuffed monkey from Build-A-Bear! WHO YOU NAMED JACK!" LBP screamed the last part out at the top of her lungs.

"SHUT UP!" Nina hissed. "Okay, okay, I'll help you. So LBP, since you seem to be the mastermind behind this, what do you have in mind?"

LBP looked around, to make sure Bill wasn't around to hear this. "Okay, here's what we'll do." She began, bringing everyone closer into a circle. She whispered the plan to the circle. They nodded and grinned to one another.

"Ever consider being a villain?" Nina asked when LBP was finished explaining.

LBP did a cool shifty movement with her eyes and said, "Maybe, on an occasion." She had constantly thought about becoming a villain. She had previously decided it wasn't worth it, especially after seeing what Jack did to villains.

"Do the world a favor." Tony said.

"What?" LBP asked, turning her eyes to her hero.

"Don't become a villain." Tony, Michelle and Chloe said in unison. If they only knew what else LBP had planned for next week's episode.

_I'll have to think really hard on that one, _LBP thought.

_The beginning of the Season 4 Auditions_

"Welcome to 24 Idol!" LBP cried, still on her crutches. "Help me welcome our judges Graem Bauer," LBP noticed with pure delight that Graem's hair was still neon green. "Marie Warner," Marie had decided to dye her hair auburn-ish and cut it short, like a Sydney Bristol approach. "And Paul Raines." Paul had continued staring at Audrey. Once again, she walked over to him and smacked him upside the head with a fish corpse. For good measure, she also smacked Graem in the side of her head with her crutches.

"WHOOO!" The audience cheered. LBP smiled at all of them. Most of them knew what was going to go down tonight. The reviewers knew what LBP had going down. LBP wanted to grin evilly, but she didn't want everyone that wasn't involved to think something was going down.

"Chloe . . . uh, we need to talk." Morris said, coming up behind Chloe, scaring her half to death.

"CRAP! IT'S MORRIS!" Chloe screamed at the top of her lungs and ran into someone's arms. To LBP's pure and utter delight, those arms belonged to Jack. Audrey, Teri, Kate, Claudia, and some other girlfriends that Jack has, glared angrily at the two of them. Milo and Morris were also glaring at them. Chloe blushed and murmured, "I'm sorry Jack. I know you have, like seven girlfriends who are all here." She quickly kissed him on the cheek and squirmed out of his grasp. Jack looked like an angel had kissed him on the cheek. LBP squealed happily.

"We have a really mediocre show tonight!" LBP said really loudly. "Mainly cuz Erin Driscoll," At the sound of Erin Driscoll's name, Chloe, Jack, and Tony all let out screams as if they were being tortured. Curtis, after a moment, joined in with them. Cuz to be honest, Erin Driscoll was the worst Director of CTU. No one was worse than her. Not even Bill, who has a tendency to lie about people being dead.

"Sarah Gavin," LBP continued, as Michelle, Edgar and Chloe let out screams this time.

"Agent Lee Castle," LBP growled with an air of frustration. Jack, Tony, and Curtis screamed.

"Dina Araz," LBP said nervously, half expecting the entire audience to scream. To her great surprise the audience broke out into applause. LBP mentally braced herself.

"Mandy." Tony, Jack and Michelle all let out screams. The winsome threesome afraid of some slutty assassin chick? Weird. LBP couldn't help but notice the evil glint in Mandy's eyes as she stared at Tony. "I am in way over my head." She muttered to herself.

"Nicole." LBP continued. Jack screamed this time. She glared at him. "OH COME ON!" LBP growled. "I DON'T THINK YOU'VE STOPPED SCREAMING YET! C'MON! YOU'VE GOT TO BE MANLY! YOU ARE MANLY JACK BAUER! MANLY!" LBP emphasized the word 'manly' as many times as she could.

"David Palmer," LBP went on, wondering if she'd ever get through his episode. The whole audience burst into applause.

"HEY! IT'S THE ALL STATE DUDE!" Some idiot cried in the audience. LBP twitched.

Milo came over. "Crowbar?" He asked.

She snatched it. "With pleasure." She snarled, chucking it at the idiot's head. It hit him point-blank and he promptly fainted. "NO ONE CALLS PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER THE ALL STATE GUY! ONLY CALL THE ALL STATE GUY PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER!" She screeched. "ARE WE CLEAR?"

"Yes General Kurtz." Grumbled Graem.

"Don't make me go there." LBP snarled.

"Go . . . where?"

"To the area of Mister Happiness Bunny. OR SHOULD I SAY BUNNY OF MISERY AND DESPAIR!" LBP screeched. She normally wasn't this angry, but the random idiot in the audience really ticked her off. But, because Graem didn't want one of his many embarrassing secrets revealed, he relented and stayed off of his sarcastic comments. She took in a deep breath and smiled a big smile. She even went as far as being surrounded by rainbows. "Okay then." She said sweetly. "Also auditioning tonight is Jon Keeler." With this, the entire audience broke out into a scream. "SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! OR I SWEAR ON GRAEM'S STUFFED BUNNIES I WILL THROW CROWBARS AT YOU!"

"If your aim is anything like it was before, you'll end killing them." Graem's sarcasm was in his nature. It also cost him his nose. LBP walked over to him, and smacked him full force in the face with a crowbar, breaking his nose. "What happened to you? That seems like something Jack would do." He asked thickly, trying to stem the bleeding from his nose.

"I dunno, but no one mess with me tonight." LBP took in another deep breath, and was once again surrounded by rainbows. The rainbows disappeared as soon as they had appeared while LBP read the last name on the prompter. "No. Hell no. I thought she died a horrible painful death!" LBP exclaimed. "I REFUSE TO SAY HER NAME!"

LBP's earphone beeped. The producer was on the other end. "LBP, say her name or we're going to go over. And this time, we're going to send you to the scheduling people by yourself." Upon hearing this, LBP began to whimper like a dejected little puppy.

"I'll behave. I'll behave." LBP whimpered. "And our other auditioner is . . ." LBP shivered as she said the name, "Jen Slater."

Tony gaped and wailed, "WHAT? WHY? I DON'T UNDERSTAND! WHY DO ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS HAVE TO BE ON THIS SHOW TOO? JUST BECAUSE JACK HAS EIGHTY GIRLFRIENDS AND THEY'RE ON THIS SHOW, IT DOESN'T MEAN MINE HAVE TO BE ON HERE TOO!" Michelle rested a hand on his shoulder, and whispered comforting words in his ear. This settled him down slightly. When Jen came out to line up with the other auditioners, Michelle and Jen exchanged a deathly glare.

WickedJelly elbowed Ava Manning and whispered something to her ear. They both giggled and WickedJelly muttered, "I have five dollars on Michelle beating Jen to a pulp before the end of the night."

Audrey Bauer muttered, "I'll take in on that action." House24fan nodded in agreement.

"Ten dollars says there will be a cat fight between Nina, Michelle and Jen by the end of tonight. And another five dollars on Teri and Chloe beating each other to a pulp over Jack. Or at the very least, Jamey and Chloe over Milo." M. Dobbs said.

"DUDE!" msflapotter cried. "Pick one or the other. Is it Teri vs Chloe or Jamey vs Chloe?"

"Jamey vs Chloe." M. Dobbs decided. "So I have ten bucks on a three way cat fight between Dessler, Myers and Slater and another five on Farrell vs O'brien."

"I think Bill and Tony will get into a fight over Michelle before this is all over." -almeida-lover- said.

"That's worth what? Two dollars?" Allyson Bauer scowled.

"Well considering they love Michelle so much, and she doesn't want to see them beat each other to a pulp, that's more like fifteen dollars actually." -almeida-lover- said.

"Guys . . . is this legal?." happyhooligan2001 asked, fearing the answer.

"This is a fanfiction where everything defies the laws of . . . I was gonna say physics, but it's just not physics. Fine, this is a fanfiction where everything defies the laws of life." DracoMalfoylover113 said matter-of-factually. "So, this is legal. Even though it's not."

The reviewers stared with their mouths hanging open, confused. Before their brains short-circuited, LBP said, "Our first audition of the night is Erin Driscoll . . . singing Barracuda by Heart? What's next? Morris singing 'Pop Goes My Heart' from Music and Lyrics?" LBP said, astounded.

Erin came out on stage and said, "Before I sing, I would just like to say that Chloe, you're fired." The crowd booed and Erin, much to everyone's disdain, began to sing.

_So this ain't the end -  
I saw you again today  
Had to turn my heart away  
You smiled like the Sun -  
Kisses for everyone  
And tales - it never fails!_

You lying so low in the weeds  
Bet you gonna ambush me  
You'd have me down on my knees  
Wouldn't you, Barracuda?

Back over Time when we were all  
Trying for free  
Met up with porpoise and me  
No right no wrong your selling a Song-  
A name whisper game.

If the real thing don't do the trick  
You better make up something quick  
You gonna burn it out to the wick  
Aren't you, Barracuda?

"Sell me sell you" the porpoise said  
Dive down deep to save my head  
You...I think you got the blues too.

All that night and all the next  
Swam without looking back  
Made for the western pools - silly fools!  
"What the hell?" LBP asked. "Did that song actually mean anything?" She folded her lips together, in an attempt to keep herself from laughing. However, she gave Graem a look that said, _You better not let her on . . . or I will tell the world about the Happiness Bunny. I'm sure you don't want the world to know about that little . . . fiasco, now do you?_

Graem shook his head, in response to LBP's glare of doom and Erin's performance. "Not only did that song not have meaning, but you're really terrible at singing. That makes three things you're really bad at. Running CTU, singing, and keeping an eye on eye on schizophrenic people." Erin began to cry.

"Uh, to put it very nicely, no." Marie said quietly. She folded her hands in her lap and said quietly, "Graem, I think you took this a bit too far this time." Sure, she was all for having a laugh or two, but Graem really took things too far.

"I don't care!" Graem spat. "I am not having LBP spill my secrets to the world."

Paul was ogling at Audrey so his opinion doesn't count anymore. Just cuz she wanted to, LBP went over to Paul and smacked him up the head with a fish corpse. "PAUL!" She screeched angrily.

"Erin. You suck." Paul muttered, trying to read the cards Audrey was showing him. "Give Jack his job back." He read. Then he paused and added, "Why would I tell her to do that?" Audrey smacked her forehead and slunk away so no one would notice she was there. The audience rolled their eyes, and crossed their arms. Paul was really stupid sometimes. No scratch that. He was stupid all the time.

"Next up is Sarah Gavin singing Two More Bottles of Wine by Martina McBride!" LBP announced as Erin left the stage in tears. Sarah came out on stage and Michelle glared daggers at her. "Why does everyone hate at least one other person on this show?" LBP asked.

Sarah added, "I don't understand why you all hate me. I'm very likeable." At these words, Chloe, Edgar and Michelle lifted their eyebrows. Sarah shrugged and began to sing.

_We came out west together with a common desire  
The fever we had might-a set the west coast on fire  
Two months later got a troublin' mind  
'Cause my baby moved out and left me behind  
And it's all right 'cause it's midnight and I got two more bottles of wine  
_

_Well, the way he left sure turned my head around  
Seemed like over night he just up and put me down  
Ain't gonna let it bother me today  
'Cause I've been workin' and I'm too tired anyway  
And it's all right 'cause it's midnight and I got two more bottles of wine_

_Well, I'm sixteen hundred miles from the people I know  
I've been doin' all I can but opportunity sure comes slow  
Thought I'd be a big star by today  
But I've been sleepin' in a warehouse in West L.A.  
But it's all right 'cause it's midnight and I got two more bottles of wine_

_Well, I'm sixteen hundred miles from the people I know  
I've been doin' all I can but opportunity sure comes slow  
I thought I'd be a big star by today  
But I've been sleepin' in a warehouse in West L.A.  
But it's all right 'cause it's midnight and I got two more bottles of wine  
Yes, it's all right 'cause it's midnight and I got two more bottles of wine  
Well it's all right 'cause it's midnight and I got two more bottles of wine_

LBP pinched herself, to make sure this was real. LBP flinched as she felt the sting. This was real. Sarah Gavin could sing. LBP turned to the judges' table. "Judges?" She asked, still trying to get her head around the situation. "Graem?" She asked breathlessly.

"Well . . . uh . . . I am absolutely lost for words . . . that was an abnormally good performance. Even from this lot. I say, you go on." Graem said.

"Oh, here's a word of advice for you Graem, stop using hair gel." Sarah said rudely. "Cuz if you keep using it, your hair will just stay neon green. Shouldn't you have figured this out by now? LBP sabotaged every hair care product you own. Wouldn't it be better for you not to use your hair care products?"

Graem muttered something inaudible. LBP lifted her eyebrows at him.

"What was that Graem?" LBP asked, smirking at him. This was excellent. Graem needed his hair care products so badly that he'd be willingly to keep his hair neon green for it. The reviewers giggled insanely, TWS (the winsome threesome) were smirking, Chloe was trying not to smile, Marie was biting her lip, and Paul was staring at Audrey again.

"Well, I think that was an odd performance. Your song didn't really suit you. If you haven't noticed, everyone has been able to find a song that's suit them. You didn't really do that. Unless this song just told your life story . . ." Marie said, covering for Graem. Sarah made no comment and turned to Paul who, for once since the previous show, wasn't staring at Audrey.

"Fo real." He said. LBP blinked twice, and handed Sarah a golden envelope without another word.

"Next up to audition is Lee Castle singing Iron Man by Black Sabbath. Black Sabbath? I can understand Heart, but Black Sabbath? Was I sick while choosing these songs?" LBP asked. She shrugged. "Whatever, take it away Lee."

Lee came out on stage, when Milo suddenly came out of nowhere and started attacking Bill. "WHERE IS MISTER SNUGGLES?" He screeched. Bill was fighting back, and those who were involved in the plot tried their hardest not to grin.

"WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHERE MISSUS WHISKERS IS?" Bill growled. "I KNOW YOU TOOK HER! IT SAID SO IN THE RANSOM NOTE!"

"IT SAID IN THE RANSOM NOTE THAT YOU TOOK MISTER SNUGGLES!"

"I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR STUPID BEAR!"

"I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR STUPID CAT!"

A fist fight enraged between the two of them. Soon, the fight was all over the stage, people cheering them on. Bill and Milo were soon near where Tony and Michelle were. Michelle clung tightly to Tony. This, of course, had dire effects on Bill. He stopped, completely dazed by Michelle clinging to Tony. Tony, obviously, was enjoying having his wife cling to him and watching Bill's strange expression. Chloe was cowering behind Jack, slightly hovering behind his shoulder. She clutched Jack's shoulder out of fear, in the way Chloe would. This had dire effects on Milo. He stumbled backward, melodramatically I might add, and bolted to Bill's room. Bill headed for Milo's room. Milo grabbed Mister Snuggles, and Bill grabbed Missus Whiskers. They walked past each other as they headed back to their rooms, exchanging a deadly glare. "You and me ain't done Zeke."(_A/N: Best line in Lost. Well, it's right up there with, 'Guys, where are we?' and 'I only made out with him 'cuz torturing him didn't work.' Dude, that sounds like something either Michelle, Audrey, or Chloe would do_) Bill said in what sounded like an imitation of Sawyer from Lost.

"You don't have the right to imitate Sawyer." LBP called loudly. "No one in this room, with the exception of Tony, could nor has the right to imitate Sawyer. Well, maybe Michelle has the right to imitate Sawyer, but I highly doubt she wants to." As Michelle muttered something inaudible to LBP, and Tony threw her the most disbelieving glance he could possibly conjure. And we're talking about one sexy look here. Before intense FHTMA VI (_A/n: Flaming hot Tony Michelle action 6. If you've ever been to almeida is god dot com and read the debrief chat for Day 2: 2am- 3am, you'd know what I was talking about. If you haven't, one of the site makers/head admins calls her name in the chat 'flaming hot Tony Michelle action'. This became a term used in their 'god-like moments' section on the description for each episode, whenever Tony and Michelle make out. A grand total of five times has been counted, once season 2, once season 3, and three times season 4. Mind you that was the only thing that made s4 worth anything. That and Curtis. Curtis PWNZ_) Allyson Bauer made a poor attempt in throwing a crowbar at Michelle, while the rest of the reviewers seemed content watching the mischief they had slightly planned, unfurled. _Wait, for it . . . wait for it . . ._ LBP thought, silently hoping this would work..

The crowbar missed Michelle (A/N: YAY) and went flying into one of the nearby rooms. This room just happened to belong to Bill. The crowbar also happened to have a homing device in and coincidentally, happened to hit a bomb that was planted in the room that was Bill's. Coincidence? Highly unlikely. What I planned last week/earlier this chapter with the reviewers and Tony, Michelle, Chloe and Nina (isn't it amazing that Jack _isn't_ involved with something that blows up for once)? Absolutely. Everyone ducked and the two stuffed animals went flying to Audrey Bauer and Ava Manning. They ran for their lives, and House24fan sprayed smokescreen stuff, to ensure the two got enough time to get away. -almeida-lover- and WickedJelly were starting a pool, based on whether LBP would be thrown to the very unforgiving dogs that were the scheduling people/Head people of Foxy (_A/N: spin-off of Fox and is in no way dedicated to Matthew Fox. If you don't get that, it's a Lost thing_) network. LBP was trying to finish her will.

Happyhooligan2001 hollered, "BILL! MILO! MISTER SNUGGLES AND MISSUS WHISKERS HAVE BEEN TAKEN!" Both Bill and Milo took off at the speed of light, making everyone else, completely bewildered.

"Now what?" Audrey asked.

"Did Lee ever sing?" DracoMalfoylover113 asked. LBP shook her head, and Lee pushed LBP to one side and began to sing.

_Has he lost his mind?  
Can he see or is he blind?  
Can he walk at all,  
Or if he moves will he fall?  
Is he alive or dead?  
Has he thoughts within his head?  
Well just pass him there  
Why should we even care?  
_

_He was turned to steel  
In the great magnetic field  
Where he traveled time  
For the future of mankind_

_Nobody wants him  
He just stares at the world  
Planning his vengeance  
That he will soon unfold_

_Now the time is here  
For iron man to spread fear  
Vengeance from the grave  
Kills the people he once saved_

_Nobody wants him  
They just turn their heads  
Nobody helps him  
Now he has his revenge_

_Heavy boots of lead  
Fills his victims full of dread  
Running as fast as they can  
Iron man lives again!_

"Again, that song made no sense, the lyrics are confusing and Black Sabbath sucks noodles." Graem said matter-of-factly. Jack gave his brother another 'I'm gonna kick your ass' glare. Jack happened to like Black Sabbath. Graem did not.

"I liked it. It was very manly to say the least." Marie chirped. "I think you should go on, definitely. You've certainly earned it." She smiled at him, and watched happily as he went weak in the knees.

"Just go on and move to where the others are. You're in my view of Audrey." Paul growled. LBP giggled. Lynn McGill came in out of nowhere.

"HOBBIT!" LBP screamed and tackled him. "HOBBIT! IT'S A HOBBIT! NOW ALL WE NEED IS CHARLIE FROM LOST AND THEN WE'D HAVE TWO HOBBITS! HOBBIT!" LBP went on a 'hobbit' screeching rant for several minutes. She squeezed Lynn McGill until Tony pried her off of him, and then she glomped onto Tony. "I'm very clingy today." She explained after a moment of tightly hugging Almeida.

"I can see that." He said lightly, prying himself out of her grasp. "But, you still need to do the show." Jack took this opportunity to help is BIA (brother in arms) and rested a hand on her shoulder. She flinched, expecting Jack to use a pressure point on her to make her pass out. Except he patted her shoulder twice and she blinked. Tony even was shocked by the move made by his brother.

"Okay then, welcome to 24 Idol Lee!" LBP announced, finally getting the craziness out of her system. For now. "Next up is Dina Araz singing Don't Speak by No Doubt." The audience burst into a wild applause as Dina stepped out on the stage. No crowbars were thrown, no madness ensued, everything was . . . dare I say normal?

Even Dina, who was an avid watcher of the show was confused by the lack of craziness. "WE LOVE YOU DINA!" Several people screamed.

"I'm confused. How come chaos isn't ensuing?" Dina asked.

"I have no idea." LBP said, shaking her head. "Take it away Dina."

_You and me  
We used to be together  
Everyday together always  
I really feel  
That I'm losing my best friend  
I can't believe  
This could be the end  
It looks as though you're letting go  
And if it's real  
Well I don't want to know  
_

_Don't speak  
I know just what you're saying  
So please stop explaining  
Don't tell me cause it hurts  
Don't speak I know what you're thinking  
I don't need your reasons  
Don't tell me cause it hurts_

_Our memories  
Well, they can be inviting  
But some are altogether  
Mighty frightening  
As we die, both you and I  
With my head in my hands  
I sit and cry_

_Don't speak  
I know just what you're saying  
So please stop explaining  
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)  
Don't speak  
I know what you're thinking  
I don't need your reasons  
Don't tell me cause it hurts_

_It's all ending  
I gotta stop pretending who we are...  
You and me I can see us dying...are we?_

_Don't speak  
I know just what you're saying  
So please stop explaining  
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)  
Don't speak  
I know what you're thinking  
I don't need your reasons  
Don't tell me cause it hurts  
Don't tell me cause it hurts!  
I know what you're saying  
So please stop explaining_

_Don't speak,  
don't speak,  
don't speak,  
oh I know what you're thinking  
And I don't need your reasons  
I know you're good,  
I know you're good,  
I know you're real good_

_Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la  
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'  
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush  
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts  
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'  
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts_

The audience cheered on Dina's performance. "Ladies and gentlemen, was that not AWESOME?" LBP asked, getting whooping and hollering from the audience. _Three . . . two . . . one . . ._ LBP thought. With that, a bomb exploded from Tony's room, engulfing the newly finished hallway in flames. "Oh dear . . . I guess they got the wrong room." LBP muttered quietly, folding her hands.

Upon those words, bullets began flying everywhere. "I'm starting to get the feeling the producers are gonna be pissed at us." Tony said, drawing his gun and doing that one knee thing he did in Season 3.

"No, duh, you think?" LBP asked sarcastically, pulling out her tranquilizer gun, firing it randomly. After about five minutes of this, there were three random people injured, and about thirty people tranquilized.

"Somebody's tranquilizer happy." House24Fan muttered. The reviewers started to nod in agreement, but when LBP swivelled her head backwards to listen, tranquilizer gun en tow, they stopped.

Graem applauded Dina. "That was beautiful. I wish every performance was like that."

Marie just nodded, and Paul . . . wait, what happened to Paul? Oh wait, he's staring at Audrey again. His opinion once again doesn't count.

LBP handed Dina the infamous golden envelope. "Next up is Mandy, who I did NOT conspire with to blow up something just now, singing . . . Good Bye by Martina McBride? WHATTHEHELLMANDY? I can understand Evanescence and stuff, but MARTINA MCBRIDE? SINCE WHEN DO YOU LIKE COUNTRY?"

Mandy basically just came out with her DangerSlut outfit, and gave LBP this look that said, _Don't mess with me or you die. Even if you did pay me to blow something up. But I still didn't blow up the original target. So TAKE THAT!_

LBP scowled and Tony murmured, "I thought you promised you weren't going to be evil.'

"Well you might want to scratch that plan." LBP muttered. "If you want someone to blame, blame Nina. She was the one who said I should be a villain. And personally, when the best baddie says you have what it takes to be a villain, you should listen to them."

"Not necessarily." Tony said reproachfully. He started to make a little puppy face, and LBP wilted.

"AWWWWWW! DON'T DO THAT!" LBP screamed and hugged him. "You know I could never be completely evil."

"Yeah, I know. You're a big softie." Tony teased. Mandy fired her gun once into the air, and everyone turned their eyes on her.

"Uhh, take it away Mandy?" LBP asked, now turning her complete attention to Mandy, and off of Tony for possibly the first time ever. Not in this story. Ever.

"Thank you," Mandy said sweetly. She grabbed the microphone, and everyone was wary something would totally explode.

_Occurred to me the other day  
You been gone now a couple years  
Well I guess it takes a while  
For someone to really disappear  
And I remember where I was  
When the word came about you  
It was a day much like today  
The sky was bright and wide and blue  
_

_And I wonder where you are  
And if the pains ends when you die  
And I wonder if there was  
Some better way to say goodbye_

_Today my heart is big and sore  
It's tryin' to push right through my skin  
Won't see you anymore  
I guess that's finally sinkin' in  
'Cause you can't make somebody see  
With the simple words you say  
All their beauty from within  
Sometimes they just look away_

The audience was silent. As well as being completely homicidal, Mandy had a knack for singing.

"If people could kill each other with their voices, you could definitely do it." Graem said snidely. "That's a no."

"You're NOT letting on a villain who tried to kill Jack? Graem . . . what the hell is wrong with you?" LBP asked, completely surprised that Graem wasn't letting on a villain. Who had once tried to kill Jack. Maybe even twice tried to kill Jack . . .

"GIRL POWER!" Marie screamed, getting up from the judges' table to go high five Mandy. Mandy just gave her a wilting look and Marie scowled. "You're no fun."

Finally, Audrey figured out how to get Paul's attention off of her. Hide right behind Mandy, so that he couldn't see her. "You're HOT!" Paul screamed at Mandy. "That's a yes, LBP."

"FINALLY! FOR ONCE IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS YOU'RE PAYING ATTENTION!" LBP growled, handing Mandy a golden envelope. "Welcome to 24 Idol Mandy! Next up is Nicole. Who the hell is Nicole? Oh, Nicole a.k.a Agent Drake, Nicole? Right. Next is Nicole/Agent Drake . . . W . . . T . . . F? American Idiot by Green Day? COME ON!" LBP cried.

Nicole strutted out on stage, winked at Jack, which caused everyone in the vicinity to stare at them. She then began to sing.

(A/N: The lyrics aren't exactly correct because I didn't want to use the proper lyrics, for the sake of this story.)

_Don't want to be an American idiot. Don't want a nation under the new media And can you hear the sound of hysteria? The subliminal mind of America._

_Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
For that's enough to argue._

_Well maybe I'm the faggot America.  
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.  
Now everybody do the propaganda._

_And sing along to the age of paranoia._

_Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
For that's enough to argue._

_Don't want to be an American idiot.  
One nation controlled by the media.  
Information age of hysteria.  
It's calling out to idiot America._

_Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
For that's enough to argue._

"Whoa." Graem said, echoing the sentiments of practically everyone. "Dude, why Green Day? It sounds so cynical. However, I like it so you will go on. Rock on DUDETTE!"

"Why are you saying dude and dudette?" Every reviewer asked in unison. Graem shrugged. LBP shook her head and rolled her eyes and turned her attention to Marie who was shaking her head.

"That song was SO not for you. Try again." Marie sneered. YAY! Marie's snooty self was back! "Even if you pointed a gun against my head, I would not let you go on for that performance. Even if _Jack _had a gun pointed at my head, I wouldn't let you go on for that performance. It was AWFUL!"

"SEXY ASSASSIN! YOU GO ON!" Screamed Paul.

"So I guess that means you go on Nicole. Next up! You know him, you love him, ladies and gentlemen, PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER! Singing A Hazy Shade of Winter by Simon and Garfunkel." LBP cheered as President David Palmer stepped out. With his famous crowd-wave, he walked out on stage.

Everyone politely stayed quiet, as President David Palmer began to sing.

_Time, time, time, see what's become of me.  
While I looked around for my possibilities,  
I was so hard to please.  
But look around, the leaves are brown,  
And the sky is a hazy shade of winter.  
_

_Hear the salvation army band  
Down by the riverside, it's bound to be a better ride  
Than what you've got planned,  
Carry your cup in your hand.  
_

_And look around you, the leaves are brown now,  
And the sky is a hazy shade of winter.  
Hang on to your hopes, my friend.  
That's an easy thing to say but if your hopes should pass away,  
_

_It's simply pretend, that you can build them again.  
Look around, the grass is high, the fields are ripe,  
It's the springtime of my life.  
Oh, seasons change with scenery,  
Weaving time in a tapestry,  
Won't you stop and remember me?  
_

_At any convenient time.  
Funny how my memory skips while looking over manuscripts  
Of unpublished rhyme,  
Drinking my vodka and rhyme.  
I look around, the leaves are brown,  
There's a patch of snow on the ground,  
Look around..._

The audience burst into a wild applause. LBP looked over to the judges, who just nodded. "WELCOME TO 24 IDOL PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER!" She cheered, handing him the golden envelope. "Next up is John Keeler singing Scarborough Fair by Simon and Garfunkel!"

John Keeler came out on stage, and all became silent. He blinked and shrugged.

"YOU SUCK!" screamed the reviewers. Keeler glared at them.

"How come I'm not President John Keeler?" He asked. LBP shrugged.

"Just sing." She responded.

Keeler stuck his tongue out, in a very un-Keelerish way and began to sing. _One more after this, and then I can go home. _LBP thought.

_Are you going to Scarborough Fair:  
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.  
Remember me to one who lives there.  
She once was a true love of mine.  
_

_On the side of a hill in the deep forest green.  
Tracing of sparrow on snow-crested brown.  
Blankets and bedclothes the child of the mountain  
Sleeps unaware of the clarion call._

_Tell her to make me a cambric shirt:  
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme;  
Without no seams nor needle work,  
Then she'll be a true love of mine._

_On the side of a hill a sprinkling of leaves.  
Washes the grave with silvery tears.  
A soldier cleans and polishes a gun.  
Sleeps unaware of the clarion call._

_Tell her to find me an acre of land:  
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme;  
Between the salt water and the sea strand,  
Then she'll be a true love of mine._

_War bellows blazing in scarlet battalions.  
General order their soldiers to kill.  
And to fight for a cause they've long ago forgotten._

_Tell her to reap it with a sickle of leather:  
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme;  
And gather it all in a bunch of heather,  
Then she'll be a true love of mine._

Everyone was silent. To their surprise, the judges said, "Yeah, all right. We'll let you on." LBP, completely bewildered, handed him a golden envelope.

"Or final audition for the night is Jen Slater singing Call Me When You're Sober. Awww, is that directly speaking at Tony? If it is, you're a skank. I definitely don't like you, and I was hoping you had died painful death." LBP said.

Jen came out, walked over to Michelle and whispered, "Die." Michelle gave her a hated filled glare that said, _I kick terrorist ass everyday. You wish I'd drop dead. You'll probably end up dead before me._

Hearing someone say 'die' to his beloved Michelle, Bill was ready to shoot Jen about seventy times in the skull. Michelle was already having a tough time restraining Tony from strangling Jen. Michelle sent a pleading glance in Nina's direction. Wait a second here. Michelle . . . asking for Nina's help? AHHHHH! Anyway, Nina gave Michelle a look that plainly said, _Haha, you wish. _Michelle's returning glance was, _Please? For Tony's sake if no one else's. For God's sake, do it for Jack if you really need someone to do it for!_ Nina relented, and went to go calm down Bill.

"I rock. You suck." Jen said, getting her microphone ready to sing. Oh how little did she know.

_Don't cry to me.  
If you loved me,  
You would be here with me.  
You want me,  
Come find me.  
Make up your mind  
_

_Should I let you fall?  
Lose it all?  
So maybe you can remember yourself.  
Can't keep believing,  
We're only deceiving ourselves .  
And I'm sick of the lie,  
And you're too late._

_Don't cry to me.  
If you loved me,  
You would be here with me.  
You want me,  
Come find me.  
Make up your mind._

_Couldn't take the blame.  
Sick with shame.  
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.  
Selfishly hated,  
No wonder you're jaded.  
You can't play the victim this time,  
And you're too late._

_Don't cry to me.  
If you loved me,You would be here with me.  
You want me,  
Come find me.  
Make up your mind._

_You never call me when you're sober.  
You only want it cause it's over,  
It's over._

_How could I have burned paradise?  
How could I - you were never mine._

_So don't cry to me.  
If you loved me,  
You would be here with me.  
Don't lie to me,  
Just get your things.  
I've made up your mind._

As if on cue, every single reviewer grabbed a giant bucket of tomatoes and began chucking tomato after tomato at Jen's head. Everyone else grabbed umbrellas, and soon everyone had an umbrella to protect them from the tomato-y wrath. Everyone except Jen.

Jen ran out from the stage, without being judged. "That's our show for tonight! Join us next week for auditions from the characters from Season 5! Good night!" LBP cried.

* * *

**Sorry for lack of individual reviewer action at the end, but I really wanted to update!! Review, comment, critque, flame, as long as you review, I'm content. So, I hope you liked this chapter, and another will hopefully be on it's way. I'm starting the new one today, adding you reviewers in as I go along, but I'm definately starting today.**

**I hope this chapter was enjoyable for you, cuz it was fun for me to write! **


	6. Day 5 Auditions

**A/N: Sorry guys. I know it's been forever since I last updated. But a lot goes into one chapter, and its hard to get it done in a short period of time. And life has been really crazy with Finals and stuff. Darn Bush and his No Child Left Behind program. It's all his fault!! Although I'll warn you, this chapter does get a little insane! SQUEEE! INSANITY! Anyway, I'm watching the Robot Chicken Marathon! Robot Chicken cracks me up. Anyway, there's a lack of reviewer action in this chapter because there were so few of you. Plus, I've been reading A Midsummer Night's Dream over the last few months for English. Worst. Shakespeare.Play.EVER!!!!! I hated it. It sucked. Never read it unless you HAVE to.**

**Reviewer Replies (YAY REVIEWERS!):**

**DracoMalfoylover113: The FUNNIEST thing you've ever read? I'm honored to hear/read you say that! I try really hard, so I hope I'm still good with the hilarity.**

**-almeida-lover-: Believe it or not, I love it too.**

**House24Fan: Eh, I'm not good with Jack's character. And when I chose the songs for those characters, I'm not sure what was wrong with me, but I was way too lazy to change them. Trust me, I'm not ready to go villain. That might be next season! Just kidding. I don't think I'd ever go villain. As fun as that sounds, I don't think I will. YES! SANJAYA HATERS UNITE!**

**Shosh: Everybody says that . . .**

**Allyson Bauer: It's all right. My brain has been beckoned to Shakespeare over the last few months. The magic will end when the story ends. Which will take awhile. REMEMBER HOW YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO BE KILLED OFF? I've figured out a way for you to die! It's awesome. Don't worry, it's heroic, sappy, and Tony related. It's also next chapter. Guys, remember, I serve to please, so reviewer requests are welcome. I'll incorporate them in somehow.**

**happyhooligan2001: Unfortunately, Charles Logan is kidnapped so he can't audition. I know. Chloe's awesome. Jack's other girlfriend's are very . . . deer in the headlights-ish. Well Teri was cool. And that was about it. I don't like the rest of them.**

**msflapotter: And more awesome lines this chapter! The fun never ends!**

**Harry'sgirl107: And here's the next chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own 24, Anerican Idol, or anything I make reference to. Simple enough. I hope some of you like what I've made reference to in this chapter. I've had a little bit of a RENT spazz after seeing the movie recently. I can't assure that you're gonna love it, but I hope you do!**

* * *

_After last week/chapter_

"That is it! I can't take it anymore!" Michelle screeched. "NO ONE PUSHES MY MAN AROUND, ESPECIALLY NOT A MOLE, AND DEFIANTLY NOT A BAR SKANK!"

Nina scoffed, "So what are you gonna do about it?"

"Help me get Slater, and you'll find out!" Snarled Michelle. She wasn't gonna let anyone push Tony around.

"Um . . . sweetheart? You don't need to do this." Tony said quietly.

"YES SHE DOES!" Screamed Audrey Bauer, Ava Manning, M. Dobbs, LBP, House24Fan, WickedJelly, Allyson Bauer, msflapotter, LBP, SassyLostie, and Harry'sgirl107 in unison. Did I mention LBP? Yes I did. Twice actually.

"Where'd you two come from?" LBP asked.

"Your mind. No, just kidding. I've been working on some stories for the past few months, and I dunno what you've been doing, Harry'sgirl107." SassyLostie said sassily. (A/N: Sassily is a word? It is now.)

DracoMalfoylover113 glared angrily at Harry'sgirl107. Well not angry, more like with disgust. You know things get weird here. "You . . ." DracoMalfoylover113 said hostilely. Harry'sgirl107 just gave her a look of disgust.

"YO! BACK OFF DAWGS!" Paul came striding backstage and everybody gaped. "We gotta love one another yo."

LBP gave Chloe a look, and Chloe crept away to her computer. Several moments later, a giant sandbag fell on Paul's head. Everyone cheered at once. Once again, LBP smacked Paul with a fish corpse. "I'm sorry fishie. We need you." She apologized to the fish corpse.

"Chloe, love, I thought we agreed that you would use your freakish computer knowledge for good." Morris said.

"I PROMISED YOU NOTHING! YOU WOMANIZING, DRUNKARD . . . uhh . . . MAN!" Chloe seethed.

_Note to self. Must help Chloe work on her insults for Morris. Or get one of the reviewers to do it. _LBP thought to herself.

"But love . . ." Morris whined. LBP, with much gusto, snuck away to hit a button on Chloe's computer. A sandbag was promptly dropped on his head. "That was uncalled for," He said, before passing out unconscious.

"Sorry love." Chloe said sweetly. "But it was."

"I FOUND HER!!" Dessler shrieked at the top of her lungs. "Eww, Slater, did you come with a deadly encounter with a skunk? That would surely explain why you're covered from head to toe in tomato juice."

Nina snickered at Jen bristling. However, Jen replied sweetly, "Where were you the last half-hour? Oh yeah, getting down and freaky with it . . . with a certain Bill Buchanan."

"You wish." Tony muttered, and Bill threw him a reproachful glance.

"What was that traitor?" Jen asked viciously.

"EXCUSE ME?" Nina, Jamey, Marie, Tony, and various other terrorists all screamed at once. Notice how Tony's the only one out of those who isn't a terrorist, yet is treated like one. Poor Tony.

LBP gathered the group of her reviewers and murmured, "After the show next week, we're gonna give Tony a group hug. Poor guy needs it."

"THAT'S IT! Dessler, this may be the only time I ask if I can kick your ass, as well as hers. Cuz after what you did to Alvers, and what you did to me last week I really wouldn't like to risk my chances again. But I heard that there's a bet going around." Nina growled. WickedJelly and Ava Manning shifted an awkward glance. Many others who had taken on the bet, including LBP, looked guilty as well. "I would like to help those people earn ten bucks. Plus, I went vent some of my anger out on both of you."

"Maybe you're not that bad after all Nina." Jack said softly.

Nina laughed mirthlessly and said, "You wish."

Unfortunately, Slater had been playing a little too much 'Dead or Alive' recently, and knew some pretty bad ass moves. In short, hell started breaking loose, and the three way cat fight we all desired broke out.

"YES! I GET TEN BUCKS!" Many people, including Jack, cheered.

"Now who is gonna win?" LBP asked. She had to shout, because no one could hear anything over the three screeching women.

"Michelle." Everyone said in unison.

"Nina's not out of shape you know." Jack said.

"Are you kidding?" Tony scoffed. "Michelle's gonna kick her ass, hands down."

"But what about Jen?" Somebody, who I think was Morris, asked.

"You recover quickly." LBP said, eyeing him doubtfully. "And playing Dead or Alive can only get you so far. Trust me, I know. I got my ass kicked in a fight. But I held up my own for about 10 minutes cuz I had been playing Dead or Alive all summer, and then I got beaten up. (A/N: TRUE STORY)." She turned back to the giant dust cloud that formed through the fight. Suddenly, a figure was hurled out of the dust cloud and against the wall. "Told you." She said, knowing the figure would be Jen.

"It's Nina." WickedJelly said.

"WHAT?!?" Everyone exclaimed.

"Just kidding. It's Jen/Bar Skank." WickedJelly giggled. Everyone turned back to the dust cloud, which got slightly smaller. Tony began to chew on his knuckles.

"Michelle?" Jack asked, surprisingly sympathetic. Tony nodded. "If she can beat Nina once, she can do it again." Jack reassured him. "She's the best female agent we've ever, or ever will have."

"HEY!" exclaimed Nina, Jamey, Kim, Chloe, and Sarah Gavin all exclaimed at once.

"Best Female Field Agent." Jack corrected himself. "Chloe's the best agent we have with computers, and she's pretty handy with a machine gun."

"Oh . . . HEY!" exclaimed Nina, Jamey, Kim and Sarah Gavin. The reviewers laughed, except for DracoMalfoylover113 and Harry'sgirl107, who were still glaring at each other.

"Have they blinked yet?" SassyLostie asked, who had unsuccessfully trying to distract the two reviewers. She had no luck, and was beginning to be put out. House24Fan was trying to help her, as was M. Dobbs and Allyson Bauer.

"I don't think so." The rest of the reviewers replied.

"LBP!" barked a producer. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Just some backstage antics." LBP said nervously. "You know, when we come out with that special feature on the DVD." She smiled her most phony smile, knowing that the there was no way in heaven or earth that he was gonna buy it.

"Right." The producer said sarcastically. "LBP, the people at Foxy Network want to see you."

"NOOOO! DON'T MAKE ME GO!" She wailed, clinging to the nearest person, who happened to be SassyLostie.

"Get off me!" SassyLostie snapped sassily. (A/N: OMG! Sassily is the coolest word eva).

"What if I sent Josh with you?" Jack asked. LBP sent him a tiny look.

"Would you please?" LBP asked quietly.

"I don't wanna go! Uncle Jack, can't you just send Tony with her or something? Wouldn't that make her much happier?" Josh asked.

"I just need someone to come with me. I'm insulted you don't want to go with me Josh." LBP said, biting her lip. Josh looked away. LBP moved into his line of vision and pouted. He tried to turn away from her. "Please?" LBP pouted.

"All right. But Tony and Michelle have to come too." Josh relented.

The dust cloud cleared. Michelle and Nina were completely scratched up. Many older wounds were reopened, and both were panting heavily. Michelle staggered backwards a little, and grabbed Tony's arm for support. Nina staggered backwards, and grabbed Jack's arm for support. Unintentionally of course. Teri glowered, as did Kate, Claudia, Audrey, and Jack's various other girlfriends. To everyone's surprise, Jack was enjoying having Nina practically tearing off the flesh on his arm.

"We're evenly matched." Michelle panted, and Nina nodded in agreement. "I think we can just take satisfaction of kicking Slater's ass." Michelle continued.

"Yeah." Nina panted. "Although, you're not a bad fighter yourself."

"Thanks." Michelle smiled for a moment. LBP snickered. Even Jack looked amused.

"Are you two actually getting along?" LBP asked, amused.

"NO!" They responded in unison. "We're just congratulating each other on a well fought fight."

"Whatever." LBP rolled her eyes. "Who else wants to come with me to Foxy Network, besides Tony, Michelle and Josh, whom I'm all dragging there against their will?"

"I will!" The reviewers opted. Unfortunately, they changed their minds, the minute Chloe and Jamey started fighting over who was a better analyst, and who liked Milo more.

"So this is what it's like to have girls fight over you." Milo said, standing with Jack and Tony. "It's a wonderful feeling." Jack and Tony nodded in unison. "If Nadia was here, that'd almost be better. Cuz even Bill has two chicks fighting over him. I'd have three."

"Who?!?" LBP asked.

"Jamey, Chloe and Nadia." Milo replied.

"I meant who is fighting over Bill." LBP said.

"OH! Michelle and Karen." Milo said.

"Uh, NO!" Michelle exclaimed. "Sorry Bill, but I only like you as a friend, if that."

Bill went into a corner and cried. Karen went after him and comforted him, and glared at Michelle. "Honey, don't glare at Michelle." Bill sniffed. Karen rolled her eyes.

"Can we go now? They are rabid dogs up there, and I don't want to go up there by myself." LBP said, heading toward Foxy Network. Josh stood so close to LBP that their hands brushed, and Tony and Michelle snickered behind them.

"Really mature guys," Josh turned his head to glare at Michelle and Tony. He shook his head. "And you guys are supposed to be role models." LBP just giggled, and Josh blushed. "Um . . . it wasn't meant to be funny." He stuttered.

"I know, but you looked so cute saying it." She swooned. Tony and Michelle exchanged a bewildered glance. "Don't worry Tony. I still love you." LBP looked over back at him, while linking her arm with Josh's.

"Yes, I'd really be worried if you stopped swooning over me." Tony said sarcastically.

"Actually, you should be worried. You too Josh. I have a boyfriend." LBP announced.

"Then why are you flirting with us?" Josh and Tony asked in unison.

"You guys technically aren't real, so my boyfriend can't get mad if I flirt with you or if I have an obsessive crush on you guys. Plus, he understands that all teenage girls have crushes on hot male actors."

"Sounds like a nice guy." Michelle said, almost in envy. Tony stared at her, completely flabbergasted. Tony and LBP switched places so Michelle and LBP compare how romantic their significant others were. After about three minutes, Michelle said, "Tony, if our relationship was based on a first date, you would've been blown away by LBP's boyfriend."

Tony rolled his eyes and muttered to Josh, "Women and their girl talk." Josh nodded his head in silent agreement. Tony looked back at LBP. "Your face just lost all its color, LBP. What's wrong with you?

LBP trembled and whimpered, "We're here." A giant building towered over them. "Couldn't we just have Jack make it explode?" She whined. Josh stepped beside her and gently took her hand, squeezing it gently.

"I thought this was supposed to be a comedy story." Michelle and Tony said in unison.

"We had a bomb go off a few weeks ago." LBP reminded them. "This is I don't even know what. But my antics are funny. Oh yeah, you know you don't actually have to go in the building with me." Michelle, Tony, and Josh took off at break-neck speed. "Thanks." She muttered under her breath. Smoothing her hair, she stepped into the office.

She went up to the top floor of the Foxy Network Building. "Hi Gladys. That's a nice blouse you're wearing." She tried complementing the secretary. The secretary just glared at her, and she shivered nervously.

"LBP. Mr. Foxy wants to see you. Now." The secretary half rasped-half growled. LBP nervously opened the door to the office of the head of Foxy Network. The chair was facing the wall.

"Mr. Foxy?" LBP asked nervously. The chair swivelled around. LBP gasped. "RYAN CHAPPELLE?!? YOU'RE HEAD OF FOXY NETWORK! I'VE BEEN WORKING FOR YOU?!?"

He smirked. "No. I just like this chair." LBP sighed with relief.

"LBP." The real director of Foxy Network, Jack Foxy, came out behind Ryan Chappelle. "As the director/producer/writer/host of 24 Idol, I have no other choice but to . . ." LBP cringed, and silently waited for the worse. "Congratulate you on the show's excellent ratings." Mr. Foxy continued. LBP sighed with relief. "Instead of the one hour block we have given the show these past few weeks, we have decided to give it a two hour block every week."

Another man stepped out from behind the chair. LBP could tell he was from scheduling. Why? Because he was foaming at the mouth. And he was barking. "LBP." He growled. "Take note that we at scheduling do not approve of this. We're watching you. We're not giving you anymore time that you don't need." She cringed and he lunged, snapping his jaws.

"AHHHH!" She screamed, leaping out the door, and slamming it behind her. She stood at the door momentarily, panting and staring wide eyed. "Phew." She said, wiping her eyebrows. "Now, I'm glad that's over. I wonder what they're serving for dinner over at the studio? And who won that fight between Jamey and Chloe?"

LBP's cell phone rang. "'Ello?" She asked, in a mock British accent. (A/N: I'm not mocking the British. But sometimes, I like to answer the phone in a British accent.)

A voice, one that she did not recognized responded, "If you want to know who really won the fight, meet me in the back alley of the studio after the show next week. Come alone. Especially if you have any desire of seeing Tony again. Alive."

"Wait! What are you talking about?!?" LBP cried, but the person hung up. "That was weird . . ."

_This Week/Season 5 Auditions_

LBP limped out on stage, finally seeing the need not to use the crutches. "Welcome to 24 Idol!" She announced loudly, receiving a loud cheer from the audience. "I'm your host LBP with our three judges Graem Bauer, Marie Warner, and Paul Raines." The audience cheered again.

"I would like to announce to everyone, I know folks at home are wondering why we have a two hour program tonight. Well, Foxy Network has decided to give us two hours, instead of the usual one. Now we'll have more time for our antics."

"GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" Clanging could be heard from the other side of the stage. Everyone turned their heads in that general direction. Tony was chasing down Jack. "GET BACK HERE NOW BAUER!" Tony howled. "YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT MICHELLE AND BUCHANAN OR I'LL TELL TERI-"

"Tell me what Tony?" Teri growled viciously. Jack paled. LBP sighed in relief. So Tony was still unkidnapped. She had her reviewers searching the studio for someone who would want to bring bodily harm to Tony.

"Sorry Tony." Jack muttered, looking down.

"Jack's had about seven girlfriends after you died." Tony blurted out and sprinted away in another direction with Jack on his heels, and Teri on his heels.

"Like that." LBP said, referring to the scene that just occurred.

"But that would happen anyway, right?" Someone in the audience asked.

"Yeah. But now we can afford to have antics like that happen, without me fearing the scheduling people." LBP explained. "And Mr. Foxy of Foxy Network personally congratulated me on the show's success, and he will be visiting us next week." She continued. No one else knew what to say, so they clapped their hands and hollered enthusiastically. "Tonight, we have Diane Huxley, Edgar Stiles, Carrie Bendis, Shari Rothenburg, Lynn McGill, Valerie Harris, and . . . we hate Tony, don't we?" She asked. "Well, I don't. But all these auditioners . . . hang on. Before I say the next name, I must go find Michelle and tell her to find Tony and keep him as tightly restrained as possible."

LBP momentarily walked off stage, and whispered something in Michelle's ear. Michelle's face hardened, and her eyes flashed angrily. "You want me to keep _Tony_ restrained?" She growled. LBP nodded meekly.

"You have more self restraint." LBP explained weakly. "Maybe you could keep Tony . . . um . . . _busy_ . . . yeah. Just during the show. Please Michelle? The only idol I have left in this world? Next to Tony. And maybe Chloe." She begged, nearly getting on her knees. "Please Michelle? I got lucky last time in that board room. It could end up like The Apprentice, except Mr. Foxy would be firing me instead of Mr. Trump. You know how CTU was your job and life for so long? Well, this is what CTU would be to me. Except it's less morbid here." LBP went to her last resort. A guilt trip. She sighed, turning away from Michelle. "I guess there are no righteous people left in this world."

"HEY!" exclaimed a bunch of unknown CTU members.

"Oh all right!" Snapped Michelle. "I don't like this at all. But I'll watch Tony for the rest of the evening." Her arms folded across her chest. "If he doesn't make it to the next round, can I kill this auditioner?" Michelle asked hopefully.

"Absolutely." Promised LBP. "But you'll keep to your promise, right? And then I'll keep to mine." Michelle nodded. "Thank you Michelle." LBP said smally, in the way a five year old would.

Then LBP returned to the stage. "Hi. Sorry about that. We needed someone to keep Tony under control. Because our final auditioner is . . . Christopher Henderson. Oh whoops. I forgot to ask someone to keep Jack under a tranquilizer. AUDREY! OR TERI! OR SOMEBODY THAT JACK HAS DATED! SHOOT JACK WITH A TRANQUILIZER GUN! Thanks!" LBP said appreciatively. The crowd booed at Christopher Henderson.

"WHAT?!?" Came the outraged cry from several people, including David Palmer, Michelle (who already knew this, but acted like she didn't), Tony, Jack, Audrey, James Heller, Edgar, and Chloe. "CHRISTOPHER HENDERSON?!?" Upon this, Jack crumpled over due to the fact he had been shot in the neck with a tranquilizer gun. Milo grinned evilly.

"And now to find Mister Snuggles." He declared, heading off in a random direction. He actually started off heading the right direction.

LBP blinked. "Haha. He'll never find it. We've, and by we and mean the reviewers and I, made sure of it." She laughed.

"GET BACK HERE PUNK!" Bill Buchanan screeched. "I NEVER GOT MY CAT BACK!" Everyone stared after them as Milo ran for his life from Bill.

"Okay . . . normally I'd be worried, for a different reason. Now I'm worried for Milo's safety. Especially after Jack wakes up. Somebody go protect Milo, please?" LBP asked. Chloe and Jamey nodded instantly, sprinting after Bill with the infamous crowbar. Jack shot up at the mention of his name.

"Okay, first up is Diane Huxley singing I Want You To Need Me by Celine Dion. Oh, Diane. You do realize Jack's girlfriends are here right? Including his 'deceased' wife?" LBP announced Diane in.

Diane walked out on stage and looked shyly at Jack. She blushed. "Hi Jack." She said quietly. Jack's ears turned bright red, and he looked at the floorboards. Audrey sheathed and unsheathed her fingernails, as did Claudia. Kate bared her teeth and Teri cracked her knuckles threateningly. Nina just did her 'danger slut' glare. Chloe stared Diane down wither her scowl. Yes, the scowl. Diane gulped nervously. "Umm . . . will they kill me?" Diane asked quietly and nervously.

"JACK'S A PLAYER!" House24Fan screamed. The audience started laughing. Some of the audience members even started applauding. Jack gave her his most menacing glare. She stuck her tongue out at him. The more he continued to glare, the longer she ignored it. (A/N: That moment was dedicated especially to you House24Fan, for lack of Jack action in the last chapter.)

"You didn't answer my question." Diane said, after kissing Jack on the cheek. Which caused Jack to be pushed backstage, only to be knocked unconscious again, and the rabid girlfriends of Jack to advance forward. "Are they going to kill me?"

"No, no." LBP said assuredly. While Diane's back was turned LBP nodded and mouthed 'Oh heck yes they're gonna kill you. Idiot'. Happyhooligan2001 and msflapotter applauded, and slightly giggled. She cleared her throat and said, "Take it away Diane." Diane stepped forward, and began to sing.

I want to be the face you see when you close your eyes

I want to be the touch you need every single night  
I want to be your fantasy  
And be your reality  
And everything between

I want you to need me  
Like the air you breathe  
I want you to feel me  
In everything  
I want you to see me  
In your every dream  
The way that I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you  
I want you to need me  
Like I need you

I want to be the eyes that look deep into your soul  
I want to be the world to you  
I just want it all  
I want to be your deepest kiss  
The answer to your every wish  
I'm all you ever need

_I want you to need me  
Like the air you breathe  
I want you to feel me  
In everything  
I want you to see me  
In your every dream  
Cuz Baby I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you  
I want you to need me_

_Like the air you breathe_

_I want you to feel me_

_In your everything_

_I want you to see me _

_In your every dream_

_The way that I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you_

_Like I need you  
Like I need you_

_Like I need you_

LBP blinked. Then she realized that Jack's rabid girlfriends could be released at anytime. "Allyson Bauer, House24Fan, -almeida-lover-, move into action. Now." LBP whipped out her walkie-talkie and called into it. "Shosh, happyhooligan2001, follow Bill, Milo, Jamey and Chloe. We need Milo alive for next week. And Bill and Chloe." She added with a bark, "Harry'sgirl107 and DracoMalfoylover113! Get over your differences and work together to make sure Michelle is keeping her promise!" She smiled innocently. "Judges?"

"That was a one way ticket to heartbreak." Graem said instantly. "Diane, you just got your heart broken. First off, the vocals were way off key. Second, have you noticed how many of Jack's girlfriends are here? Have you noticed that he pays no attention to them, whatsoever? He's barely paid any attention to his own wife."

"That's true!" Teri exclaimed, fuming. Jack, though unconscious, squirmed.

Graem cocked his eyebrow, and continued, "Since he's clearly uncomfortable by you being here, I'm letting you on Diane."

"That was a little nasty and hurtful. You're practically using me here!" Diane said quietly, folding her hands together.

Marie rolled her eyes. This was Graem. He was being paid to be nasty and hurtful. _He's a villain. He uses people. Get over yourself, you spineless, whiny baby. _Marie thought in annoyance."That was a little harsh Graem. Although I agree, the vocals were off. It was very sweet, and I enjoyed it. It's not what we're looking for, and unlike Graem, this isn't about personal revenge for me. So I'm gonna say no." Marie said.

"What are you talking about?" LBP asked. "You didn't want to let Kate on before because you had a personal grudge against her. You're a hypocrite! MARIE'S A HYPOCRITE EVERYONE!" LBP chanted.

"That was before. My sister and I made amends. Jack and Graem are still fighting." Marie laid the smack-down on LBP.

"Touche." LBP said.

Out of nowhere, Jack Sparrow swung down from the rafter. "NO ONE SAY TOUCHE!" He cried out. "Savvy?"

"Savvy . . ." Responded LBP, lifting an eyebrow in complete confusion. "Paul, what did you think of Diane's preformance? Good, bad or ugly?"

"What?!?" Paul asked.

"You know that movie? The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly? No? Never mind then." LBP said, mourning over the fact that no one understood her humor but her.

"Uh . . . that was good, the overall performance. I'll let you on." Paul said nervously. "Although, do me a favor. Woo Jack so he can stay away from Audrey." At this, everyone rolled their eyes.

"Okay, movin' on. Welcome to 24 Idol Diane! Next up is . . . OHMYGOD IT'S ZZ TOP! I LOVE THAT BAND!" LBP, who was actually watching 'I Love the 80s' and not really paying attention to what she was doing. "Sorry about that. I heart ZZ Top. Anyway, next up is," LBP stopped, trying to stop a giggle. "Edgar Stiles." Swallowing another giggle, LBP continued, "Singing Amish Paradise by Weird Al." LBP sucked in her lips as Edgar waddled out on stage.

"GAY GANGSTER!" Someone in the audience screamed. LBP tried not giggle.

"Take. it. away. Edgar." LBP giggled.

"EDGAR! WHATEVER YOU DO, GET IN THE SITUATION ROOM BEFORE THE NERVE GAS GOES OFF!" Chloe screamed. Jamie was standing nearby, an innocent yet evil look in her eyes.

Edgar looked around wildly, not seeing Chloe, and waddled out to the center of the stage. "Umm, before I begin, I'd just like to dedicate to my mother. I loved her and may she rest in peace." He said in that annoying way that he speaks. The audience tried not to groan. How many times could a man mention his dead mother without it being redundant? Not many, let me tell you.

LBP kept an eye on the floorboards as Edgar took another step forward, shoved a Twinkie in his mouth and began to sing. She moved further away from Edgar, and closer to the unconcious form of Jack. "Terrorist threat." She whispered. Jack shot up and looked around seeing the crazy Chloe and slightly evil Jamie. With no

_As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain  
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain  
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me  
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity  
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows  
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool  
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that  
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone  
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline  
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin  
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine  
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699_

_We been spending most our lives  
Living in an Amish paradise  
I've churned butter once or twice  
Living in an Amish paradise  
It's hard work and sacrifice  
Living in an Amish paradise  
We sell quilts at discount price  
Living in an Amish paradise_

_A local boy kicked me in the butt last week  
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek  
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well  
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell  
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it  
An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of  
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat_

_And my homies agree, I really look good in black...fool  
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears  
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years  
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare  
We're just technologically impaired_

_There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar  
Not a single luxury  
Like Robinson Caruso  
It's as primitive as can be_

_We been spending most our lives  
Living in an Amish paradise  
We're just plain and simple guys  
Living in an Amish paradise  
There's no time for sin and vice  
Living in an Amish paradise  
We don't fight, we all play nice  
Living in an Amish paradise_

_Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter  
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anoder  
Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?  
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art  
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like  
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife  
So don't be vain and don't be whiny  
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie_

"EWW!" Marie was the first to comment. Did I say comment? I meant shriek in horror. "YOU SPEWED TWINKIE BITS ALL OVER ME!" She cleared her throat and said in a sweeter tone. "No Edgar. You're not what we're looking for. Now please, before you spit food remains at everyone else, leave." Paul and Graem could only nod their sentiment and Edgar walked offstage dejectedly. People applauded politely as Edgar walked offstage.

"Don't worry Edgar. I'm made fun of for my size too." LBP said comfortingly. "Okay? Don't let it get you down. Hopefully, our next guest won't be brought down by our very demeaning judges. Up next is Carrie Bendis? Carrie WHO? Wait, is this that bi-otch Carrie Turner trying to get back on the show? No? Then who the heck is she? SOMEBODY TELL ME!"

Tony said, "Edgar sent her to the room where the Senatox gas was placed and she was killed so that the terrorists could set off the nerve gas."

"How do you know all this? You were unconscious, weren't you?" LBP asked. "Can I give you a hug? Please?" Tony blinked, which LBP interpreted as a 'Go ahead, if you really must' kind of look. She glomped onto him, and then returned on stage, straightening her hair, and completely ignoring the glare from Allyson Bauer.

"You learn a lot around CTU. Even though no one thinks that I knew what was going on, I did." Tony said smartly. Allyson Bauer, -almeida-lover-, and msflapotter sighed.

"You're very smart." Cooed LBP. "Can I give you another hug?" Shosh rolled her eyes. Happyhooligan2001 rolled his eyes as well. Glares were exchanged from the other side of the audience..

"No." Replied Michelle, answering for Tony. "I know he enjoys the attention, but no. Maybe after the show. But not now."

"WE MUST FINISH THE SHOW AT ALL COSTS!" Declared LBP. Then it smacked her in the head like a ton of bricks. "WAIT A SECOND! WAIT A TONY-LOVING SECOND! Aren't you supposed to be keeping him out of here Michelle?" There was a vein popping out of her forehead. It was going to be a long, long night.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"Uh . . . uh . . . no reason. I just need someone who is supposed to change the location of Mr. Snuggles every once in awhile. I asked Michelle to ask you. I needed you out of sight so Milo couldn't figure out where he, Mister Snuggles of course, was."

"Sorry sweetheart." Michelle apologized. "I forgot." Tony just gave her a soft look and practically every girl in the audience, Nina and LBP swooned. Tony wrapped his arms around Michelle.

"It's okay." He murmured. "C'mon. Let's go find that stupid teddy bear." They went offstage. LBP sighed on relief. She replayed Tony's words in her head, and she froze for a second.

She screamed after Tony, "IT'S NOT A STUPID TEDDY BEAR!" She shook her head. "No one gets it anymore. Well the reviewers do. And Milo." Then she remembered she was doing a live show. "Uh, sorry about that. Again. Next up is Carrie Bendis singing Crazy on You by Heart. Heart? Why Heart? What was I thinking? Don't answer that. Okay, one more time. Carrie Bendis singing Crazy On You by Heart."

Carrie stepped forward without saying a word. She blinked twice. She opened her mouth to sing, and LBP went in search of her ear plugs. Unfortunately, she couldn't find them before Carrie started singing. "Hey, why are there two characters named Carrie on 24?" LBP asked aloud. "One of them is a bitch, and the other dies due to nerve gas. CONTINUITY ERRORS!"

_If we still have time, we might still get by  
Every time I think about it, I wanna cry  
With bombs and the devil, and the kids keep comin'  
No way to breathe easy, no time to be young _

But I tell myself that I was doin' all right  
There's nothin' left to do at night  
But to go crazy on you  
Crazy on you  
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, oh

My love is the evenin' breeze touchin' your skin  
The gentle, sweet singin' of leaves in the wind  
The whisper that calls after you in the night  
And kisses your ear in the early moonlight  
And you don't need to wonder, you're doing fine  
My love, the pleasure's mine

Let me go crazy on ya  
Crazy on you  
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, ohhh

Wild man's world is cryin' in pain  
What you gonna do when everybody's insane  
So afraid of one who's so afraid of you  
What you gonna do...ohhh...

(Ah-ah-ah-ah)

Ooooo...Crazy on ya  
Crazy on you  
Let me go crazy, crazy on you

I was a willow last night in my dream  
I bent down over a clear running stream  
Sang you the song that I heard up above  
And you kept me alive with your sweet flowing love

Crazy  
Yeah, crazy on ya  
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, oh  
Crazy on ya  
Crazy on you  
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, yeah

(Ah-ah-ah-ah)

Crazy on ya  
Crazy on you  
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, ohhh... 

The audience was silent. Carrie had a big smile on her face, but it soon faded, due to the complete and utter silence. She hung her head. "Oh . . . I'm sorry," She murmured quietly. "I'm gonna go now."

"WAIT! HOLD THE PHONE!" Graem cried out. Every reviewer, no wait everyone in the studio stared at Graem's momentary flash of compassion.

"Don't. Ever. Say. That. Again." LBP said. "You just . . . can't, okay? You're scaring me. STOP IT!" Several people blinked and LBP cleared her throat. "Sorry about that. But Graem is scaring the crap out of me."

"Anyway." Graem continued, completely disregarding LBP.

"DOES GRAEM ACTUALLY HAVE EMOTIONS OTHER THAN HATE AND JEALOUSY?" Jack screamed like a four-year-old girl.

"WHAT DID LBP SAY ABOUT YOU BEING MANLY?" Harry'sgirl107 asked.

"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?" DracoMalfoylover113 screamed. "YOU WEREN'T HERE LAST WEEK!!"

"Um, yes I was! I was there when Michelle, Nina and Bar Skank started fighting." Harry'sgirl107 reminded her.

"GUYS!" LBP screeched. "REMEMBER WHAT'S AT STAKE HERE!" She had briefed them of the threat on Tony before the show. They both silenced. "Graem, what were you about to say?"

"I was going to say that was beautiful. No one could hit that high note like except for the members of the Heart themselves."

"Do you even know the names of the people in Heart?" LBP asked.

"No." Graem answered.

"Me neither actually." LBP said truthfully. "WAIT! YES I DO! Ann and Nancy Wilson! EAT IT WITH A SPOON GRAEM!" _Thank you Wikipedia. _

Happyhooligan2001 just cheered for no reason. "OH YEAH! SHE JUST LAID THE SMACK DOWN ON GRAEM!"

LBP bowed, and Graem rolled his eyes. "Anyway Carrie, I think you deserve to go on." He continued.

"I agree." Marie said, more interested in filing her nails then what was actually going down.

"I don't." Paul said in a surly fashion. Audrey came over to him and kissed him gently on the cheek. Jack, who I'm pretty sure is conscious right now though I could be wrong, fainted again. If he is unconscious, then sorry for the continuity errors everyone. A lot goes on in one chapter, and I can't keep tabs on it all the time. The rest of Jack's girlfriends smirked triumphantly. Audrey proceeded to head back to where the girlfriends were all gathered. They moved into a tight circle.

"Oh come on guys! You let Chloe in your circle, and she's never dated Jack." Audrey whined.

"Yeah, well Chloe doesn't kiss her ex-husband in front of Jack." Teri retorted.

"Chloe got knocked up by her ex-husband." Audrey muttered.

"SHUT UP!" Chloe screamed.

"Is this true Chloe?" Teri asked.

"Yeah." Chloe muttered.

"Whatever. You're still a part of the circle." Claudia shrugged.

"SO EAT THAT AUDREY! EAT IT WITH A FRICKING SPOON!" Chloe stuck her tongue out at Audrey.

"So I guess you're going on. Welcome to 24 Idol!" LBP cried, handing the long forgotten Carrie an envelope. "Next up is . . .Shari Rothenburg singing Breathe (2 Am) by Anna Nalick!" LBP introduced the next auditioner.

"Oh . . . it's her. The one who brought up Edgar's name after he died and made me feel sad." Chloe said childishly.

"Jamey, I'm actually impressed by you. What'd you drug her with?" Nina asked.

"HAND OVER THE CAT!" Bill screeched and everyone turned their heads. Bill was staring down Milo, who was holding Missus Whiskers and threatening to rip one of it's arms off.

"No. You get me Mister Snuggles first." Milo said, tugging on the arm a little harder. "For every time you insist you have no idea where Mister Snuggles is, I tear harder on this arm. When that arm falls off, I'll move on to another limb. I will tear Missus Whiskers limb for limb unless I know where Mister Snuggles is."

_CRAP! I SENT TONY TO HIDE MISTER SNUGGLES! WHAT IF MILO FIGURED THAT OUT ALREADY AND KIDNAPPED HIM?!? AHHHHH! _LBP thought in a panic. Her face remained emotionless.

"RAWR!" Bill cried, and chased Milo down a hallway.

LBP tried to hide her amusement, feeling slightly more relieved than in the past. _Maybe it's not Milo after all. But who would want to kidnap Tony? And why? Well I would want to kidnap Tony. But I wouldn't go through the trouble of calling myself and leaving that weird message. Oh right! I forgot, I'm in the middle of a live show. _"Uh, Shari, come on down and sing."

Shari looked around wildly. "No one's gonna kill me, right?" She asked, in a paranoid fashion. "RIGHT!?!?"

"I think you need to stop worrying and sing." LBP said, completely annoyed already. "No one's gonna kill you."

"But Bill killed Stephen Saunders." Whined Shari.

"But Stephen Saunders was a terrorist. And Bill wouldn't want to kill you. You've never even met Michelle, so you're fine."

"Who's Michelle?" Shari asked in that grinding, paranoid way.

LBP gritted her teeth, "Just stop asking questions and sing. Or you _will_ end up dead."

Shari paled, looked around wildly and headed for the center of the stage. "Is this booby trapped?" She asked.

LBP screamed at the top of her lungs, "JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND SING, SHARI! FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, SHUT UP AND SING! I FEEL LIKE WRAPPING MY HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK!"

Shari blinked. "Please don't kill me." Shari's voice wavered and she pouted.

"Just. Sing." LBP said exasperated.

Shari grabbed the microphone warily. "Okay, okay. Just don't kill me."

_2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,  
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?  
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"  
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes  
Like they have any right at all to criticize,  
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason_

_'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable  
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table  
No one can find the rewind button, girl.  
So cradle your head in your hands  
And breathe... just breathe,  
Oh breathe, just breathe_

_May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss  
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,  
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."  
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,  
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,  
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it._

_Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,  
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.  
No one can find the rewind button, boys,  
So cradle your head in your hands,  
And breathe... just breathe,  
Oh breathe, just breathe_

_There's a light at each end of this tunnel,  
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out  
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again  
If you only try turning around._

_2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song  
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,  
Threatening the life it belongs to  
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd  
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud  
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to_

Shari stared at the audience, who stared at her like deer in the headlights. She twitched. Then she ran out of the stage not even bothering to be judged. "Good riddance." Grumbled LBP.

"I wasn't going to let her on anyway." Graem said.

"Me neither." Said Paul.

Marie was still filling her nails. "Hey, why did Muffy Bauer miss the show?"

"Allyson. And I've been sitting here this entire time. What drug are you on Marie?" Growled Allyson Bauer (A/N: Anyone who has ever heard the song La Vie Boheme from RENT would get it. Sorry, but I've finally seen the RENT movie. I didn't love it, heck, I almost hated it but La Vie Boheme has been stuck in my head for the past three days).

LBP, getting her own humor, giggled insanely. "I LOVE ADAM PASCAL!" She giggled. "Anyway. Moving on. The next auditioner is the odd Director of CTU, Lynn McGill. OMG! HOBBIT! I KIDNAPPED CHARLIE FROM LOST SO THAT WE HAVE TWO HOBBITS! I HAVE TO GO FIND HIM NOW! HANG ON!" Two minutes later, Charlie Pace, indeed from Lost, was dragged out.

"Hey Sean." Charlie said.

"Hey Dom." Lynn McGill came out of absolutely nowhere.

"How are you?" Charlie asked.

"Not bad. You?" Lynn replied.

"Eh, just being held against my will. Nothing new." Charlie replied.

"Where's Elijah?" Lynn asked.

"I couldn't get a hold of Mumble from Happy Feet." LBP replied.

"And Billy?' Charlie asked.

"What has Pippin been in since Lord of the Rings?" LBP asked.

"Doesn't he have a movie coming out?" Lynn asked.

"No clue. Anyway, this is a halfway hobbit reunion, with Lynn McGill singing Black Balloon by the Goo Goo Dolls." LBP said.

Lynn walked over to the center of the stage. "This is my first time on stage in awhile." He said, taking the microphone.

_Baby's black balloon makes her fly  
I almost fell into that hole in your life  
And you're not thinking 'bout tomorrow  
'Cause you were the same as me  
But on your knees _

_A thousand other boys could never reach you  
How could I have been the one?  
I saw the world spin beneath you  
And scatter like ice from the spoon  
That was your womb _

_Comin' down the world turned over  
And angels fall without you there  
And I go on as you get colder  
Or are you someone's prayer _

_You know the lies they always told you  
And the love you never know  
What's the things they never showed you  
That swallow the light from the sun  
Inside your room, yeah _

_Comin' down the world turned over  
And angels fall without you there  
And I go on as you get colder  
Always someone_

_And there's no time left for losin'  
When you stand they fall _

_Comin' down the world turned over  
And angels fall without you there  
And I go on as you get colder  
All because I'm  
Comin' down the years turn over  
And angels fall without you there  
And I'll go on to bring you home and  
All because I'm  
All because I'm  
And I'll become  
What you became to me_

"I don't get it." Graem said instantly. "Nice vocals though. If the song made more sense, I'd let you on. Alas, most Goo Goo Dolls don't make sense, so I'm gonna say no."

LBP turned to Marie. "Marie? Did Samwise Gamgee- I mean Lynn McGill put on a good enough performance for you?"

"Sure." Marie said.

"There will always be women in rubber flirting with me." Chloe said randomly (A/N: Again, RENT thing!). Jamey smiled innocently, once again. It was so obvious that Jamey drugged Chloe with something.

"Jamey, I'm seriously impressed with you. You may have what it takes to be evil. And I seriously thought you didn't. Even LBP has more potential to be evil." Nina said, beaming with pride.

"Our Akita." LBP said randomly, who was under no influence of Jamey's, giggling all the while.

"EVITA!" Chloe and Marie said in unison.

"We're having a Broadway week. No doubt about it. We're having a Broadway week. And we're all singing La Vie Boheme. Okay? Okay. Oh wait . . . never mind. We'd have to do some major editing. Very inappropriate." LBP announced. "Anyway, Paul?"

"I loved it, personally. Very deep lyrics, ya know?" Paul said. LBP lifted her eyebrows.

"Okay . . ." She said. "Welcome to 24 Idol Lynn McGill! You can go back to Lost now Charlie."

"I can't." He pouted.

"Why?"

"I was-" He sniffed dramatically. "Killed off." LBP, and any other Lost fans in the audience gasped.

"Aww, don't cry." LBP hugged him. "Come back and visit sometime then." Charlie left waving and Lynn McGill joined the other people heading on to the next round.

"Why is a person from Lost here?" msflapotter asked.

"Cuz I want him to be." LBP said. DracoMalfoylover113 and Harry'sgirl107 were still staring each other down, in a very hostile way.

"Eh, whatever." House24Fan said, shrugging. Allyson Bauer was still sulking about being called Muffy. -almeida-lover- was randomly doodling on a piece of paper.

"Hey, are there gonna be duets on this show?" happyhooligan2001 asked.

"Why not?" Shosh asked.

"I didn't even answer the question." LBP said.

"Oh." Said -almeida-lover-.

"Yes, there will be duets. In two weeks. I've already got it planned out." LBP said evilly. "Also that week, some people, I haven't decided who . . . will be joining us. But if we want to get to that, we have to get through this week! C'mon guys, two more auditions!" LBP cheered, punching the air with one fist. What is wrong with her? Who the heck knows? "Okay, next up is Valerie Harris."

Chloe scowled angrily. "I don't like her." Chloe growled.

"Anyway, that's my favorite word if you couldn't tell, this is Valerie Harris singing Ordinary World by Duran Duran. Duran Duran? What is wrong with me? A lot of things, evidently. Anyway, Valerie, come on down. Who am I, Bob Barker? No!! So why the heck did I just say that? I don't know. Anyway, Valerie, come down and sing."

Valerie came down, much to the disdain of Chloe, Audrey and Jack. Karen applauded and everyone glared at her. "Um, thank you Ms. Hayes." Valerie said respectfully.

"Isn't it Mrs. Buchanan now?" Allyson Bauer asked.

"THAT'S RIGHT!" Bill exclaimed. "DON'T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE KAREN?"

"Of course I do sweetheart," Karen cooed. "I never reverted to a married name. Remember, you said it was okay, remember sweetheart?"

"No." Bill pouted. Karen came over and gave him a hug. "Yay." Bill said happily. "Is she gonna audition next week, LBP?"

"Um . . . sure?" LBP said. "Anyway, I need to get this over here. I have to assess the threat on Tony- I mean I wanna go home. Valerie, sing already or I'm going to beat you up."

"What threat on me?" Tony asked.

"NOTHING!" Exclaimed LBP quickly.

"You said you needed to assess the threat on me! I heard you!" Tony wailed.

"Sweetie, you're overreacting." Michelle said gently, rubbing his shoulders. "I didn't hear anything. Now c'mon, our wedding anniversary is coming up soon. We have planning to do." Turning Tony away from LBP, Michelle mouthed,"Is Christopher Henderson auditioning now?"

"No. He's next. Just a few minutes more Michelle." LBP mouthed. "Thank you."

"Come on Tony. I think there's a video game somewhere on this floor." Michelle cooed.

"OH!" Squealed Tony. "I hope it's Guitar Hero."

Valerie gaped at the couple. Then she asked, "Are all married couples on the show this weird?"

"I'm afraid so. You get used to it after awhile. It's the show, ya know?" LBP responded.

"Um, I have no idea what the heck you're talking about. I'm gonna sing now." Valerie said.

"You do that." The reviewers grumbled.

Valerie stepped up to the middle of the stage and grabbed the microphone.

_Came in from a rainy Thursday  
On the avenue  
Thought I heard you talking softly _

I turned on the lights, the TV  
And the radio  
Still I can't escape the ghost of you

What has happened to it all?  
Crazy, some are saying  
Where is the life that I recognize?  
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday  
There's an ordinary world  
Somehow I have to find  
And as I try to make my way  
To the ordinary world  
I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence  
Once prompted you to say  
"Pride will tear us both apart"  
Well now pride's gone out the window  
Cross the rooftops  
Run away  
Left me in the vacuum of my heart

What is happening to me?  
Crazy, some'd say  
Where is my friend when I need you most?  
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday  
There's an ordinary world  
Somehow I have to find  
And as I try to make my way  
To the ordinary world  
I will learn to survive

Papers in the roadside  
Tell of suffering and greed  
Here today, forgot tomorrow  
Ooh, here besides the news  
Of holy war and holy need  
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk

And I don't cry for yesterday  
There's an ordinary world  
Somehow I have to find  
And as I try to make my way  
To the ordinary world  
I will learn to survive

Every one  
Is my world, I will learn to survive  
Any one  
Is my world, I will learn to survive  
Any one  
Is my world  
Every one  
Is my world

"No." The judges said in unison. "Duran Duran sucks noodles. Nuff said. Goodbye."

"I thought that was good." Karen said.

"Thankfully, you're not a judge." LBP said, lifting an eyebrow. "Next up is Christopher Henderson." The crowd booed and LBP expected Tony to emerge at break-neck speed. To her surprise, he didn't. Jack was still unconscious, and Michelle was no where too be seen. Christopher Henderson emerged. "He's singing Bones by The Killers. HEY! That's ironic."

"Thank you dahling." Christopher said, grasping the microphone. "I've always wanted to sing dahling."

"Then sing." LBP said warily. What was creeping her out more? The fact that Christopher Henderson was saying 'dahling', or the fact that no one was trying to kill him?

He winked at the judges, who just stared at him. "I love you dahlings." Christopher Henderson said girlishly.

_Come with me._

_We took a back road.  
We're gonna look at the stars.  
We took a backroad in my car.  
Down to the ocean,  
it's only water and sand  
And in the ocean we'll hold hands._

_But I don't really like you, apologetically dressed in the best, but on a heartbeat glide._

_A cinematic vision ensued  
like the holiest dream.  
It's someone's calling?  
An angel whispers my name,  
but the message relayed is the same:  
"Wait till tomorrow,  
you'll be fine."  
But it's gone to the dogs in my mind.  
I always hear them  
when the dead of night  
comes calling to save me from this fight.  
But they can never wrong this right._

_Don't you wanna come with me? Don't you wanna feel my bones  
on your bones?  
It's only natural.  
Don't you wanna swim with me? Don't you wanna feel my skin  
on your skin?  
It's only natural._

_(Never had a lover)  
I never had a lover  
(Never had soul)  
I never had soul  
(Never had a good time)  
And I never had a good time  
(Never got cold)  
I never got gold._

"WHOO!" Graem cheered. "I loved it. You go on. Especially for Jack's torture! WHOO!"

"That was awesome, although albeit it made no sense." Marie cheered. "You go on."

"What is it with everything not making sense on this show?" Paul asked. "Nonetheless, you're a villain. That means you get on."

"Well, I guess this means you get on 24 Idol." LBP said. "Christopher Henderson! Welcome to 24 Idol." No one cheered. No one emerged from a ninja position on the ceiling.

Suddenly, the loudspeaker crackled and a voice came over the studio, "I told you last week LBP. You have ten minutes to meet me in the back alley. I'm warning you now." LBP shivered. Then she heard the muffled restraints.

"TONY!" She, and every reviewer, exclaimed all at once.

"Not just Tony." The voice continued. "But Michelle as well!"

"DAMMIT!" Hissed everyone in the audience. No, not the audience. The entire studio said 'dammit' in unison. Because Jack was unconscious, everyone was allowed to say 'dammit'.

"Um, I'll meet you there?" LBP asked. "Do I seriously have to come alone?" She whimpered.

"Yes. You do." The voice crackled, then the loudspeaker turned off. LBP felt her throat constrict.

"-almeida-lover-, House24Fan." LBP rasped into her walkie talkie. "Meet me in my dressing room after the show. Round up the reviewers and bring them with you." Her palms were sweating. Tony and Michelle were kidnapped. And it was all her fault! Well, actually, how was it her fault? Good question.

Breathing in deeply, she said to the audience, "This was 24 Idol! Good night!" She power-walked over to her dressing room where the reviewers were already waiting. "You guys." LBP began. "This is gonna have to be one hell of an operation. Tony and Michelle's lives are at stake. We all in?" She eyed her reviewers. Her loyal and faithful reviewers. This would be the ultimate test of fandom.

They nodded, and LBP explained the plan to them. Their faces darkened and LBP said, "You ready?" LBP swallowed and continued, "If for whatever reason I don't make it out of this alive, I just want to say, you guys are awesome!" Taking in a deep breath, LBP headed outside to the dark alleyway.

"Hello LBP." The voice chilled her to her bone.

"Ryan Chappelle? What are you doing here? There's no spiny chair here!"

"I know." Chappelle said. "I was just walking by, JEEZ!"

"Get out of here Chappelle!" The voice and LBP growled in unison. LBP turned to the person in the shadows. The person stepped forward.

LBP gasped, "Mandy?!?"

* * *

**If the ending was rushed, I'm sorry. It's been almost two months since I last updated, and I didn't want you guys to feel neglected. Also, sorry for lack of reviewer action, it takes me awhile to think up what the reviewers can do! So, Mandy kidnapped Tony AND Michelle and whoever reviews will help me with the rescue attempt. And maybe Jack will finally be concious to help us too.**

**Favorite song? Favorite line? Did anyone laugh at the references I made? And yes, like mentioned, there will be a duet week! The chapter after the Season 6 auditions, will be the chapter with the partners. Trust me, you are going to laugh at some of these pairings. There will be more Mister Snuggles/Missus Whiskers/Bill/Milo action next chapter. Okay, so review. Now that it's summer, I should be able to update more frequently. If I can't, that's weird. **

**So, I hope you enjoyed that, and I hope you stick around for the next chapter. **


	7. Day 6 Auditions

**A/N: What's this? It hasn't taken me two months to update? No it has not. And why is that? Well, to be honest, I have no idea. But, it's 21 pages man. 21 PAGES! On Wordperfect. Nevertheless: THAT'S AWESOME! And even though it's summer, I don't have all the time in the world to update cuz I work all day. And I still have swim practice. It kinda sucks. The lyrics to the songs maybe a little messed up cuz the document thing on Fanfiction doesn't have it like my computer does. It's severely annoying. But, we have HILARIOUS auditions this chapter and the favorite line from last chapter was, "I PROMISED YOU NOTHING! YOU WOMANIZING, DRUNKARD . . . uhhh . . . MAN!" Said by Chloe. God that line cracked me up.**

**REVIEWER REPLIES:**

**twentyfour.mad: OMG! NEW REVIEWER! Welcome and glad you love it! **

**House24Fan: I love the Goo Goo Dolls TOO! They're just awesome. Really? Truth be told, I didn't like the characters for Season 5, and I just picked random songs for them. I hated the reviewer action last chapter. Maybe it was just me, but I totally despised it! I like the reviewer action better in this chapter. And don't worry. Audrey will never be allowed back in Jack's girlfriend circle again.**

**Allyson Bauer: I probably would've been embarrased/annoyed if you had done that. As I mentioned, it's hard to update everyday. It's hard to update every week. And for some reason, your 'death' was better in idea than on paper. At least in my opinoin. You can tell me if you liked it. Well Henderson's song choice was easy, and I knew I wanted Edgar to sing Weird Al.**

**Vadergirl2006: Since no one I know likes 24, I didn't know people bashed Josh. I happen to love him. Not as much as Tony, mind you, but enough. **

**happyhooligan2001: ME TOO! I loved that line. Almost everybody WHO LISTENED AND PUT IN THEIR FAVORITE QUOTE IN THEIR REVIEW said it was one of their favorites. I like Josh. Even with crazy role models, he's cool. And as for Diane. Are being sarcastic or what? I don't happen to like her. She's not as tough as the others. Even Claudia was pretty tough.**

**Shosh: Ohmygod. I love you to pieces right now. You're the only guest reviewer who reviewed a chapter, and then reviewed again for the next chapter. Actually that's not true. You're the second guest reviewer to review a chapter and then come back and review for the next chapter. Nevertheless, you're awesome. As are all reviewers, but I can go nag you Fanfiction users about reviewing.**

**SassyLostie: And Mister Snuggles you shall recieve. Sheesh people, all you have to do is ask. I never actually wrote us hiding Mister Snuggles, but you know, a lot can happen in a week. On 24, a lot happens in a day!**

**Harry'sgirl107: And here is that update.**

**DracoMalfoylover113: And a few days after you review is the new chapter. You should all SERIOUSLY put this on alert. If you haven't done so already.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own 24, American Idol, or any songs I may use. I also don't own Heroes and Futurama. **

* * *

"That's right." Many cackled. 

"Why do you care what the heck is going on here?"

"I care about the integrity of villains." Mandy said.

"Villains have integrity?" LBP asked, astounded.

"You're soiling the name of villains." Mandy hissed villainously.

"They do that by themselves." LBP, lifting her eyebrow. "Where's Tony and Michelle?" She turned around, to see if she could find them alone, only to hear the click of a gun.

"I can't let you do that." Mandy said icily.

"Why not?" LBP said edgily. _Now would be a good time to set that plan in action guys . . . _LBP thought.

"Because. I can tell how this show is gonna end. All the villains are gonna get voted off instantly. Then, some grand hero like Tony is gonna win. This show can't continue with out it's writer and host. You get to die with your heroes, Tony and Michelle." Mandy said viciously.

"So . . . what does this have to do with the fight?" LBP asked curiously.

"Absolutely nothing."

LBP's face fell. "Great. Just perfect." She muttered.

"Cuff yourself." Mandy instructed.

"And if I don't?"

"I blow your brains out."

"What if you don't want to blow my brains out?"

"But I do."

"Do you?"

"YES I DO! NOW SHUT UP AND PUT THE STUPID CUFFS ON!" Mandy growled, actually, she almost screeched.

LBP obediently cuffed herself. "Mandy." She heard Nicole say over Mandy's walkie-talkie.

"What is it?" Mandy asked.

"I caught them. They were trying to form a plot to save LBP, Tony and Michelle." Nicole responded.

LBP paled. _The reviewers . . . _She thought anxiously. She was led further behind the studio then she had ever been before. There was a giant TV screen and Tony and Michelle bound together on the floor, back to back. Michelle's head was resting, eyes closed, on Tony's shoulder and her hand was clasped in Tony's.

"LBP?" groaned Tony.

"Sorry." She muttered, not looking up from her shoes. "I should've warned you before hand. I knew about this a week ago. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Shut up, stop groveling, and get your butt over here." Mandy snapped, dragging LBP over to the giant TV screen. On the TV screen, there were a bunch reviewers bound and gagged in a room inside the studio. LBP's eyes scanned over each reviewer, making sure none of them were injured physically. Emotionally, she could never be entirely sure. Her eyes lit up, noticing a reviewer was missing, but only momentarily. "You see this LBP? You're never going to escape your fate here. Your little helpers are bound and captured." Mandy said, trying to get inside LBP's head and mess with it. LBP remained emotionless.

Mandy sighed, completely frustrated at this point. She shoved LBP next to Tony and Michelle. As LBP hit the ground, she let out a startled yelp. Michelle's eyes shot open, and Tony swivelled his head around as best he could. She pushed herself up on her elbow, scowling all the while.

"You okay?" Tony asked.

"I'll let you know when I can feel my elbow again." LBP muttered. Brightening up, she added, "Yes, I'm fine now."

"You seem content for someone who is about to meet their demise." Michelle noted.

"Assuming that Mandy will even come close to her threat." LBP said softly.

"What are you talking about?" Tony asked.

"Somebody doesn't have all the reviewers." LBP said in a soft singsong voice. "That's what I'm talkin' about Willis."

"Who's Willis?" Michelle asked.

"Never mind." Tony and LBP groaned in unison.

"Anyway," LBP continued. "It's gonna take a lot of patience before we get rescued. WHY CAN'T I SPELL?"

"Why do we have to wait?" Tony asked.

"How do you know you can't spell?" Michelle asked.

"I can read the floating text. I had to use spell check to fix the floating text though." LBP replied. Michelle and Tony shook their heads.

"SHUT UP! CAN'T A GIRL PLAN HER HOSTAGE'S IMMINENT DOOM IN PEACE?" Mandy screeched.

"In answer to your question Tony, if the reviewer who is missing used their head, they would have gone to find some help before rescuing us. Savvy?" LBP whispered softly.

"That's it!" Mandy growled. The reviewers picked up their heads, hearing Mandy's voice over Nicole's walkie talkie. "Time to execute one of you." She cut Tony loose grabbed him and pulled him up.

"Why do you always pick on me?" Tony whimpered.

"Cuz you're a sap." Mandy replied curtly.

"A sexy sap." Nicole added eagerly.

"TONY!" Cried Michelle, somehow still tied up. He gave her a soft, melting look.

"Take care of her." Murmured Tony. "She'll need it." (A/N: I'm pretty sure I've heard this somewhere before. DAMN! WHERE HAVE I HEARD THIS QUOTE BEFORE? It was in a movie I was watching. I'm so mad now). LBP nodded, her eyes wide and brimming with hopelessness.

As Nicole was distracted, twentyfour.mad and SassyLostie were able to quietly knock her unconscious. House24Fan, happyhooligan2001, and shosh were able to pick open the lock on the door. "All right," House24Fan whispered. "We need to get Jack, Milo, Bill, and anyone else that can kick terrorist ass."

"Who died and made you leader?" grumbled Vadergirl2006 sorely.

"No one. Who do you think we should get?" House24Fan asked.

"Jack, Nina-"

"NINA?!?" Harry'sgirl107 and DracoMalfoylover113 exclaimed. "Why?" Oh my goodness. They agreed on something. PROFOUND MOMENT EVERYONE!

"She would never let anything happen to Tony." Responded Vadergirl2006.

"We have Milo's attention." Declared SassyLostie, who emerged down a random hallway, Mr. Snuggles en tow. "YES! I FINALLY HAVE THIS TEDDY BEAR AS MY PERSONAL HOSTAGE!"

"GIVE HIM BACK!" Wailed Milo, chasing SassyLostie down the hallway. Nadia, who was stalking Milo (or so I think) emerged behind them.

"Hello Dessler Imitator." Shosh said. Nadia narrowed her eyes.

"I'M HERE!" Declared Doyle, bumping into several things, considering he could only see in one eye.

"We got noobs to help us?" Hosue24Fan asked.

"Unfortunately." Muttered the rest of the reviewers.

"I'M NOT A NOOB!" Screamed Chase.

"'BOUT TIME YOU GOT HERE!" twentyfour.mad screamed.

"Okay, here's the deal, Tony's about to be executed. We don't have time for more distractions!" Declared Vadergirl2006. "OMG JOSH! GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE! YOU'RE HELPING US! I LOVE YOU!" She squealed at the sight of Josh. The reviewers headed out to save Tony.

Mandy stood, gun pointed at Tony's forehead. Poor Tony was forced to kneel on the ground. "I've waited a long time for this." Mandy breathed. LBP shut her eyes. Why do I suddenly get the feeling that this is like the Soprano's finale? Anyway, the gunfire sounded and she heard Michelle scream. A soft 'oomf' could be heard and LBP's eyes flew open.

"ALLYSON BAUER!" The shriek was out before LBP could hold it back. Finally finding that random knife in her pocket, LBP cut herself loose, and then cut Michelle loose. "ALLYSON!" LBP cried out, absolutely hysterical.

Michelle crawled over to Tony, fervently making her he wasn't hurt. When it was evident he wasn't, she threw her arms around his neck, her tears staining his cheek. (A/N: God I'm a sap for romance. Especially ToChelle romance. Tony and Michelle are adorable). Tony wrapped his arms around Michelle. "Are you okay?" He asked her softly.

"The better question is, are you?" She asked him, staring into his eyes.

"As much as I love your sappy romance!" LBP shouted, "HELP ME COMPRESS THE BLEEDING DAMMIT!"

"Don't. Bother." Breathed Allyson Bauer.

"I'll be dammed if a reviewer dies on my show." LBP muttered.

"Just make sure . . . she goes down." Allyson Bauer murmured.

LBP's throat was so constricted, she couldn't respond. Mandy was stunned by the turn of events. She didn't even respond when Bill came to arrest her. "I WANT A HAPPY MEAL!" She finally screamed out.

The reviewers gathered around Allyson Bauer and LBP. "She saved Tony." The whisper went around the group. The rain began to fall slowly, drop by drop, until the downpour started, mingling with the tears on all their faces.

"MR. SNUGGLES IS GETTING WET!" Milo screamed. No one could hear him. Well actually they did, but no one bothered listening. SassyLostie squeezed Mr. Snuggles, trying to find refuge in the teddy bear.

"LBP, c'mon. You're gonna get a cold out here." Someone murmured into her ear, pulling her to her feet. It was Josh. She wasn't sure why, but wrapped her arms around Josh's neck, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"LBP, what the hell?" Another voice asked. LBP picked up her head, and what little color she had in her face drained away. She trembled a little bit and the voice repeated itself, "LBP. Don't tell me you're cheating on me, with a guy that doesn't really exist. Don't."

"Boyfriend?" Whispered Josh. LBP could only nod. Raising his voice he added, "Look, I don't know what the hell your problem is, but we've all been through a trauma right now, so if this could wait, that'd be swell."

"Swell?" Jack asked. "No one says swell anymore. Especially not me. Seriously Josh, if you ever want to be like me, don't ever say swell again."

"Who says I want to be like you Uncle Jack?" Josh asked. Jack nearly fainted from this new development and began bawling like a baby.

"My-only-nephew-doesn't-want-to-be-like-me!" Jack wailed. "It's-bad-enough-that-my-daughter-doesn't-want-to-be-like-me!"

"Whatever. Anyway, LBP can you explain this or not?" LBP's boyfriend asked. She shook her head. "Look, if you can't explain yourself, then I'm just not gonna give you the definite of the doubt. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to go."

"It's benefit moron." Josh screamed after him. "'I'm just not gonna give you the BENEFIT of the doubt.'"LBP just wordlessly buried her face in his neck again. "Look, we should go inside. We're all gonna die from colds."

And still, from down the street, they could still here Mandy screaming about her strange desire for a Happy Meal. LBP took one last look onto the concrete, and sighed. Suddenly, her stomach growled and she screamed, "LET'S GO TO MACDONALD'S! AND THEN WE CAN GET HAPPY MEALS AND WAVE THEM AROUND IN MANDY'S FACE! NO! I change my mind. I want an adult meal. LIKE CHICKEN NUGGETS!" The reviewers, confused and totally blown off by this random outburst, agreed. After all, is there any better comfort food than MacDonald's? Yes, actually there is. Warm brownies or cookies. Those are good. So all the reviewers, Josh, Jack, Tony, Michelle and the ghost of Allyson Bauer followed LBP to MacDonald's.

_This week/Chapter 6 Auditions_

The theme music began to play and LBP was forced to limp out on stage. Between having a reviewer 'die' (not really dead, since Allyson Bauer's ghost continues to haunt the studio and Many) and being dumped (A/N: I wasn't really dumped at all. I still have my boyfriend) in the same day a week ago, she wasn't very happy anymore.

Sighing, LBP took the microphone. "Welcome to 24 Idol!" LBP announced as loudly and as cheerfully as she could. "I'm your host, LBP, with your judges Marie Warner, Paul Raines, and Graem Bauer!" Clearing her throat as she continued, "I am honored to announce the presence of Mr. Foxy, head of Foxy Network with us here tonight." The spotlight shown on Mr. Foxy, and he gave a hand wave and a slight nod of his head. Shivering, LBP noticed that he was surrounded by the people from scheduling.

Mentally preparing herself, LBP continued, "I don't know if you've all seen the newspapers, or whatever, but as most of you know, one of our reviewers, Allyson Bauer, was killed by Mandy in order to save Tony. Unfortunately, since Mandy is cahoots with the terrorists who have kidnapped former President Logan, she will continue and will be arrested the moment she gets kick- I mean voted off the show." There was silence.

"Who's on the show tonight?" SassyLostie asked, still clutching Mr. Snuggles. Hello? Personal hostage? Didn't I mention this before?

"Right, I almost forgot! Audrey Raines, Marilyn Bauer, Bill Buchanan, Milo Pressmen, Jack Bauer, Chloe O'Brian, Morris O' Brian, Nadia Yassir, Mike Doyle, Karen Hayes and Josh Bauer are auditioning tonight!"

"HEIDI PETRELLI!" (A/N: The actress who plays Marilyn places Heidi Petrelli on Heroes) Screamed SassyLostie, and any of the other reviewers that watch Heroes.

"JOSH!" screamed Vadergirl2006.

"CHLOE!" screamed happyhooligan2001.

"I HATE MORRIS!" House24Fan screamed.

"BILL!" Screamed twentyfour.mad. Everyone turned to stare at her.

"JACK!" screamed everybody in unison.

"Anyway, this happens to be a humorous show and I don't want to lose ratings. First up is Audrey Raines singing Uncivil War by Martina McBride." LBP said, stepping aside to let the giant clique of Jack's girlfriends pass and completely ignore Audrey.

"I'm STILL getting the cold shoulder?" Audrey asked, flabbergasted (A/N: Funniest word ever). "STILL?"

"You're not apart of our group anymore. Get over yourself." Chloe growled.

"HI AUDREY DARLING!" Paul screamed. Audrey sighed, shaking her head. _Why is every guy I know a moron? _

"He's exactly why." Claudia said.

"My ex-husband?" Audrey asked.

"Yes. Moron." Teri said.

"Why?" Audrey asked, totally confused.

"Cuz you did not trust Jack's judgement to torture him." Nina said.

"Is that it?" Audrey asked.

"And you kissed Paul on the cheek last week." Kate said. "HEY! That rhymed!"

"That's stupid." Audrey growled.

"You were so MEAN to him before he got together with me." Diane reminded her.

"YEAH!" The others chorused.

"You're not cool." Nina said. "You're just not cool."

"Whatever. I'm sure I'm a better singer than you." Audrey growled. "And you're dead, so why do I care what you think?"

"PRIMMA DONNA! You care what everybody thinks." Nina screamed. Changing her voice so she could sing, Nina sang, "Anything you can sing, I can sing better. I can sing anything better than you." (A/N: Ironically, this is from Annie Get Your Gun. How is this ironic? I don't know. OMG! I could totally make a parody of it called 'Chloe Get Your Gun'.)

"Let us decide!" Marie declared. "Audrey. Sing. Now."

"Don't order my pookiebear around!" Paul growled.

"What did you call her?" LBP asked, laughing hysterically.

"Pookiebear!" Paul said, as if it were perfectly normal. Audrey almost slunk off the stage from embarrassment.

"Audrey, before your husband can possibly embarrass you further." LBP signaled Audrey to come up on stage.

Audrey heistitantly grabbed the microphone and Jack was no where to be seen. Or heard. Or tranquilized. Or rampaged by all his ex-girlfriends. He was hiding in his dressing room.

"Somebody go get him." LBP ordered. Shosh ran to go get Jack from his room.

_There's a silence on the frontline_

_You can cut it with a knife_

_You can stay and take your chances_

_And you can run to save your life_

_One side is retreating_

_And the other's runnin' scared_

_But the drums war are beating, even though it's undeclared_

_And both sides say they're winning  
And both sides know they're losing  
And neither one knows what they're fighting for  
And in the quiet little places  
You can see the little faces  
Huddled right outside the bedroom door  
Praying for an end to this uncivil war_

_Papa needs a new job  
So he's swallowing his pride  
Oh but it don't go down easy  
And it eats him up insideAnd mama, she don't notice  
Little sister's ragged dress  
Lately she don't notice  
Much of anything I guess_

_They're just fightin' off the hunger  
Tryin' to keep from goin' under  
But the wolves just keep on gatherin' 'round the door  
There's no place to run for cover  
So they're turning on each other  
'Cause there really ain't no winners anymore  
Just victims in this uncivil war_

_There's a silence on the front lines  
You can cut it with a knife  
You can stay and take your chances  
Or you can run to save your life_

"POOKIEBEAR THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!" Paul, for once, was the first judge to comment. "You're going on!" This earned him little applause. Jack was shoved out on stage for an awkward moment before running away again.

"Absolutely not." Graem said. "You're just as tone deaf as your husband."

"Ex-husband!" Audrey exclaimed.

"Does it really matter?" Graem asked, getting thunderous applause from Jack's former girlfriends. "By the way, Audrey, you're not a better singer than Nina."

"Marie?" LBP asked.

"I don't know . . . but since your one of Jack's girlfriends and Graem didn't say yes for you, I'm gonna say yes."

"Does talent matter on this show anymore?" Audrey asked.

"No." Responded the three judges. "And it never did. And it never will."

"Okay! Welcome to 24 Idol Audrey!" LBP declared, handing Audrey an envelope. "This story has come a long way . . ."

"SASSYLOSTIE!" Wailed Milo. "GIVE ME MR. SNUGGLES BACK RIGHT NOW! I WANT HIM BACK!"

"TWENTYFOUR.MAD!" wailed Bill. "GIVE ME BACK MISSUS SNUGGLES! I MISS HER!" Karen was glaring at the audience ferociously, causing twentyfour.mad to chuck the stuffed cat all away across the stage. SassyLostie still clung to Mr. Snuggles, cuz let's face it, shall we? Nadia is less ferocious than Karen. Nadia's just eh, and Karen's down right freaky. Don't you agree?

LBP chuckled, only to start rolling on the floor laughing. "Next up is Marilyn Bayer singing," LBP paused for a gulp of air. "Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne."

Graem nearly fainted, Jack started rolling on the floor laughing, and Tony and Michelle exchanged a weird glance. Bill and Karen were trying not to laugh, Milo was downright laughing and pointing, Doyle was doodling on a piece of paper, and Nadia was getting ready for the show. Marilyn came out, completely blushing and ignored Graem waving at her.

"Hi Jack." Marilyn said.

"NOT YOU TOO!" Graem wailed.

Jack snickered, "Maybe dad doesn't like me, but _your wife _likes me more than she likes you."

"Was that a crappy version of a 'your mom' joke?" Graem asked.

"I wouldn't diss your mom cuz she's my mommy too." Jack said, sticking out his tongue.

"HEIDI PETRELLI!" Screamed SassyLostie and happyhooligan2001 and LBP.

Marilyn gave a hair toss and grabbed the microphone.

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I don't like your girlfriend!  
No way! No way!  
I think you need a new one  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I could be your girlfriend_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I want to be your girlfriend_

_You're so fine  
I want you mine  
You're so delicious  
I think about ya all the time  
You're so addictive  
Don't you know what I could do to make you feel alright?  
Don't pretend I think you know I'm damn precious  
And Hell Yeah  
I'm the m------------ princess  
I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right_

_She's like so whatever  
And you could do so much better  
I think we should get together now  
And that's what everyone's talking about!_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I don't like your girlfriend!  
No way! No way!  
I think you need a new one  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I could be your girlfriend_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I want to be your girlfriend_

_I can see the way, I see the way you look at me  
And even when you look away I know you think of me  
I know you talk about me all the time again and again  
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear  
Better yet make your girlfriend disappear  
I don't want to hear you say her name ever again  
(And again and again and again!)_

_In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger  
Cause I can, cause I can do it better  
There's no other  
So when's it gonna sink in?  
She's so stupid  
What the hell were you thinking?!  
_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I want to be your girlfriend_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I want to be your girlfriend_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I don't like your girlfriend!  
No way! No way!  
I think you need a new one  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I could be your girlfriend_

Graem was crying. Sobbing and weeping. Marie was lightly patting his shoulder, with an expression of distaste on her face. Paul, yet again (this must be some sort of record or something), commented first, "That was funny."

"IT WAS NOT!" Marilyn said, her face flushing.

"Take a look at the audience." Paul came back.

"OH SNAP!" Someone who had a little bit of sanity left in them screamed.

"You know what?" LBP asked.

"What?" Marie asked.

"We should've let Martha Logan audition. She's cool. So Marie, what did you think of this audition?"

"Um. It was . . . terrible. I hated it. You stink at singing Marilyn. It was a good laugh though."

"Hi Honeybunny." Graem sniffed.

"You guys have the most embarrassing names for your significant others." LBP said.

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! WHOOO!" Bender (ha, you thought I forgot about Bender ) screamed.

"WHOOO! BENDER!" Allyson Bauer, I mean the Ghost of Allyson Bauer screamed.

"I got a teddy bear, I got a teddy bear, and guess who it belongs to?" SassyLostie sung (Think of the I've Got a Jar of Dirt from Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest).

"ME!" Milo screamed.

"Honeybunny, that was good. I liked it." Graem sniffed.

"No you didn't! You're always doing this to me Graem!" Marilyn exclaimed, running off of the stage.

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID WHOOO!" Bender and the Ghost of Allyson Bauer screamed.

"Okay . . . I didn't need to experience that again." LBP said.

"DRACO!" DracoMalfoylover113 exclaimed.

"HARRY!" Harry'sgirl101 screamed.

"DRACO!"

"HARRY!"

"DRACO!"

"HARRY!"

"SEAMUS!" Screamed LBP.

"How'd you know what they were arguing about?" SassyLostie asked. Milo made yet another attempt to kidnap Mister Snuggles. To put it simply, he fell flat on his face. Everybody laughed.

"Cuz I know." LBP said. "Uhh . . . where was I?"

"Marilyn Bauer just ran off stage." Happyhooligan2001 said.

"Right." LBP said. "Anyway, next up is . . . ohmygoodness." Clearing her throat, almost laughing she said, "Next up is Bill Buchanan. Singing Pop Goes My Heart from Music and Lyrics." She burst out laughing, rolling on the floor, ignoring the stares of fear from around her.

"She's crazy." Everyone said unison.

"Yes I am." LBP said.

Bill came up on stage and glared at LBP and Tony. Karen blew him a kiss, Michelle gagged behind his back, and Bill jumped up and down happily. "I'm gonna sing and you're gonna like it or you're all fired." Bill growled like a four year old.

"I don't work for you." LBP said. "Actually, a lot of people here don't work for you."

"I love you Billywilly." Karen gushed.

"YAY!" Bill exclaimed.

"What is it with you people and your odd nicknames?" LBP muttered.

"Shut up." Bill growled. "Now I'm going to sing."

_I never thought that I could be so satisfied  
Every time that I look in your angel eyes  
A shock inside me that words just can't describe  
And there's no explaining  
Something in the way you move I can't deny  
Every word from your lips is a lullaby  
A twist of fate makes life worthwhile  
You are gold and silver_

_I said I wasn't gonna lose my head  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
I wasn't gonna fall in love again  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
And I just can't let you go  
I can't lose this feeling_

_These precious moments we have so few  
Let's go far away where there's nothing to do but wait  
You show to me that my destiny's with you  
And there's no explaining_

_Let's fly so high  
Will you come with me tonight?  
In your dress I confess you're the sole sunlight  
The way you shine in the starry skies  
You are gold and silver_

_I said I wasn't gonna lose my head  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
I wasn't gonna fall in love again  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
And I just can't let you go  
I can't lose this feeling_

_A twist of fate makes life worthwhile  
You are gold and silver_

_I said I wasn't gonna lose my head  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)I wasn't gonna fall in love again  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)_

_I said I wasn't gonna lose my head  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
I wasn't gonna fall in love again  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
And I just can't let you go_

"Haha!" LBP laughed. Everyone else just laughed right out loud. Except for Karen, Michelle, and oddly enough, Audrey.

"No!" Paul said. Ohmygoodness. Three in a row. We still have a record going. "And don't you dare hit on my pookiebear."

"No." Marie said.

"No." Graem said. "You have no voice."

"I thought you were great Billywilly." cooed Karen.

"YAY! My wife, and possibly Michelle, think I'm great! I couldn't be happier! No, I couldn't be happier!" He sang.

"STOP SINGING SONGS FROM WICKED!" screamed LBP. Calming herself she added, "Next up is . . . Milo Pressmen singing (I Just) Died in Your Arms by the Cutting Crew. Oh Milo." LBP said shaking her head. "Oh Milo, oh Milo, oh Milo."

"If I make it on to the show, I get Mr. Snuggles back, deal?" Milo said to SassyLostie.

"Deal." SassyLostie agreed, fingers crossed behind her back.

"Okay Milo, sing. Sing as if Chloe, Nadia and Jamey were chasing you all at once." LBP said.

"Um . . . okay?" Milo said.

_Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight  
It must have been something you said  
I just died in your arms tonight  
I keep looking for something I can't get  
Broken hearts lie all around me_

_And I don't see an easy way to get out of this  
Her diary it sits on the bedside table  
The curtains are closed, the cats in the cradle  
Who would've thought that a boy like me could come to this_

_Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight  
It must've been something you said  
I just died in your arms tonight  
Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight  
It must've been some kind of kiss  
I should've walked away_

_Is there any just cause for feeling like this?  
On the surface I'm a name on a list  
I try to be discreet, but then blow it again  
I've lost and found, it's my final mistake  
She's loving by proxy, no give and all take  
'cos I've been thrilled to fantasy one too many times_

_Oh I, I just died in your arms..._

_It was a long hot night  
She made it easy, she made it feel right  
But now it's over the moment has gone  
I followed my hands not my head, I know I was wrong_

_Oh I, I just died in your arms..._

Believe it or not, Paul wasn't the first to comment. It was Marie. "OHMYGOD! MILO! I HAD NO IDEA YOU COULD SING!" She screamed. "You totally get to go on the next round."

"I wasn't aware you knew who I was." Milo said dryly.

"No." Graem said rudely. "It's your fault you died, not mine."

"It actually is your fault I died. No wait, it's your dad's fault I died." Milo muttered.

"Was that a bad attempt at a 'your dad' joke?"

"No . . ."

"I loved it Milo. Pookiebear loved it too! Didn't you Pookiebear?" Paul declared. Audrey smacked her forehead, turning crimson. Jack was snickering. Jack's girlfriends were downright laughing.

"YES!" Milo cheered.

"Hang on! It's not official until I give you the stupid envelope." LBP growled. LBP handed Milo the 'stupid envelope'.

"Now gimmie back Mr. Snuggles." Growled Milo to SassyLostie.

"All right . . . NOT!" With that, SassyLostie sprinted away, with Milo on her heels.

"TEN BUCKS SAYS MILO WON'T CATCH HER!" Twentyfour.mad screamed.

"DEAL!" Screamed DracoMalfoylover113.

"You guys are betting AGAIN?" LBP groaned. "Should I just set up a betting station?"

"Yes." Everyone responded.

Jack screamed, "HECK YES!"

"Shut up Jack! Speaking of Jack, next to audition is Jack Bauer, singing What I've Done by Linkin' Park. EWWW! I HATE THEM! HATE THEM! HATE THEM!"

Jack came on stage and sighed.

"LINKIN' PARK SUCKS!" Graem shouted. "AND SO DO YOU JACK!"

"Shut up! You're just jealous cuz Dad actually was prouder of me than he was you!"

"SHUT UP!" Graem screamed.

"YOU SHUT UP!"Jack screamed.

"YOU BOTH SHUT UP AND LET JACK SING!" LBP screamed. All was quiet. Jack took three steps to the microphone and began to sing.

_In this farewell  
There's no blood  
There's no alibi  
'Cause I've drawn regret_

_From the truth  
Of a thousand lies_

_So let mercy come  
And wash away  
What I've done_

_I'll face myself  
To cross out what I've become  
Erase myself  
And let go of what I've done_

_Put to rest  
What you thought of me  
While I clean this slate  
With the hands of uncertainty_

_So let mercy come  
And wash away  
What I've done_

_For what I've done  
I start again  
And whatever pain may come  
Today this ends  
I'm forgiving what I've done!!!_

_I'll face myself  
To cross out what I've become  
Erase myself  
And let go of what I've done_

_What I've done  
Forgiving what I've done_

Everyone was silent. For good measure, Jack shot some random people. Then everyone started applauding wildly. The loudest cheers came from Jack's girlfriends and Audrey. See? They've even got me thinking like them! Jack smiled, and winked at all of them. Including Audrey. All of them, except Nina cuz she is apathetic on the outside, swooned.

"Judges?" LBP asked nervously. These were three of Jack's many, many enemies.

"Well, Pookiebear seemed to enjoy it." Grumbled Paul. "And I will let you go on. It was actually quite the performance. Plus, I happen to like Linkin' Park."

"You suck." LBP growled.

"Excuse you?" Paul, Audrey, and Jack asked.

"Never mind. Marie?" LBP asked.

"God that sucked noodles. Plus, you broke my poor sister's heart and threw her away like she was trash." Marie said. "That would be a no. Graem?" The end of Marie's sentence was so ferocious, that LBP was almost positive he would say not.

Silence hung over the crowd in overbearing tension. "OH COME ON!" screamed House24Fan. "SAY SOMETHING GRAEM!"

"Well, although the tone was perfect, I hate your guts." Graem said. "But I'm still going to let you go on."

"What?" Jack asked.

"WHAT?" Marie asked.

"SAY WHAT?" Paul asked.

"Don't EVER say that again." Jack, Marie, and Graem said in unison.

Jack came down from the stage and gave Graem a hug. "Don't push it." Graem muttered, blushing furiously.

"You baby." Muttered Jack.

"This is a pleasant surprise. Welcome to 24 Idol Jack!" LBP declared, handing Jack a golden envelope. "Once again, speaking of Jack, this is Chloe O'Brien singing Be Be Your Love by Rachel Yamagata! I LOVE THIS SONG!" Several reviewers cheered in agreement with this statement.

Chloe walked out on stage, offering a weak smile at Jack before heading to the center of the stage.

"YEAH CHLOE!" Screamed Happyhooligan2001.

Chloe cleared her throat and heistitantly grabbed the microphone. "Um, Adam, I'm sorry, this isn't dedicated to you." Adam went to go cry in a corner. Clearing her throat again, Chloe began to sing.

_If I could take you away  
Pretend I was queen  
What would you say  
Would you think I'm unreal  
'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel  
_

_Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love  
But I want, want, want to be your love  
Want to be your love, for real  
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love  
But I want, want, want to be your love  
Want to be your love for real  
Want to be your everything_

_Everything..._

_Everything's falling, and I am included in that  
Oh, how I try to be just okay  
Yeah, but all I ever really wanted  
Was a little piece of you_

_And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love  
But I want, want, want to be your love  
Want to be your love, for real  
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love  
But I want, want, want to be your love  
Want to be your love for real_

_Everything will be alright  
If you just stay the night  
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away  
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away_

_And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love  
But I want, want, want to be your love  
Want to be your love, for real  
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love  
But I want, want, want to be your love  
Want to be your love for real_

_And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love  
But I want, want, want to be your love  
Want to be your love, for real  
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love  
But I want, want, want to be your love  
Want to be your love for real_

_I want to be your love, love, love_

The audience cheered and hollered. Chloe blushed furiously again. Jack walked out on stage and kissed Chloe. Everyone gaped for a moment, then cheered. Ow, Jack's girlfriends weren't happy about this. But they allowed it, very briefly.

"YAY CHLOE!" Cheered everyone. "YOU WERE AWESOME!"

"I agree!" Marie said. "You're going on! Totally!"

"ME TOO! CHLOE YOU WERE SUPERB!" Paul declared.

"You sucked." Muttered Graem.

"EXCUSE YOU?" Everyone growled.

"Seriously." LBP said, handing Chloe a golden envelope. "Speaking of Chloe, the next person to audition is Morris O'Brien singing . . . ohmygoodness. Don't You Want Me by Human League. HAHA! You're a loser Morris."

"I HATE YOU!" House24Fan screamed.

Morris walked out on stage and said, "I love you too dahling." He grabbed the microphone, much to everyone's horror, and began to sing.

_You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar  
When I met you  
I picked you out, I shook you up, and turned you around  
Turned you into someone new  
Now five years later on you've got the world at your feet  
Success has been so easy for you  
But dont forget its me who put you where you are now  
And I can put you back down too  
Don't, don't you want me?  
You know I can't believe it when I hear that you won't see me  
Don't, don't you want me?  
You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't need me_

_It's much too late to find  
You think you've changed your mind  
You'd better change it back or we will both be sorry_

_Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh  
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh_

_Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh  
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh_

_Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh  
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh_

_Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh  
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh_

_Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me-oh_

_Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me-oh_

_Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me- oh?_

_Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me-oh?_

"In answer to your question Morris," Chloe said. "No I don't want you."

Morris began to cry.

"That was horrid. And I'd be surprised if any girl would want you after that performance." Graem said instantly.

Marie's reply was a smack in Morris's face.

Paul just shook his head. Morris ran off stage, crying like a little girl. "Okay . . . next up is Nadia Yassir, aka Dessler Imitator, singing Lithium by Evanescence." LBP declared.

Nadia came on stage, glancing around. "I'm not sure I can do this." She muttered softly.

"Yes you can!" Bill said, completely exasperated.

Nadia hesitantly grabbed the microphone.

"YOU SUCK BEING MY IMITATOR!" Michelle screamed. The reviewers chuckled.

Nadia blushed and tried to ignore Michelle completely. Michelle continue to glower at Nadia. Tony rested a gentle hand on Michelle's shoulder and muttered something in her ear. Michelle turned around and kissed him on the cheek.

"Hey Michelle?" Tony asked.

"Yes Sweetheart?" Michelle responded.

"Can we go play Guitar Hero now?"

Michelle smiled. "Sure."

"Can I sing now?" Nadia whispered.

"SPEAK UP WOMAN!" Screamed Harry'sgirl107.

"Go ahead." LBP rolled her eyes. "Two more auditions." She muttered underneath her breath. "Just two more." Groaning, she added, "No wait, it's three."

_Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.  
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...  
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.  
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.  
Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone.  
Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.  
Never wanted it to be so cold.  
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me._

_I can't hold on to me,  
Wonder what's wrong with me._

_Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.  
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...  
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow._

_Don't want to let it lay me down this time.  
Drown my will to fly.  
Here in the darkness I know myself.  
Can't break free until I let it go.  
Let me go._

_Darling, I forgive you after all.  
Anything is better than to be alone.  
And in the end I guess I had to fall.  
Always find my place among the ashes.  
I can't hold on to me,  
Wonder what's wrong with me._

_Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.  
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...  
Lithium, ...stay in love with my sorrow.  
I'm gonna let it go._

"Whoa." Graem said. "You do suck at being Michelle's imitator. Your singing is HORRIBLE compared to hers."

"THANK YOU!" Michelle declared from down a hallway.

"YOU'RE WELCOME!" Graem shouted back.

"That was terrible. It really was. Stick to running CTU." Marie said. "I'm sorry, but it WAS!" Nadia tried to cover her tears. Doyle gave her a hug. Everybody gaged.

Paul just waved Nadia off of the stage.

"Speaking of Nadia, next up to audition is Mike Doyle singing It Ends Tonight by the All American Rejects. YOU KNOW WHAT ENDS TONIGHT? YOUR SIGHT MAN! YOUR SIGHT!" LBP said. "Ehem. Sorry."

Mike Doyle wandered on stage, and after crashing into several things, he finally reached the microphone. It took him several attempts to grab the microphone.

"YOU'RE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO ANYONE HAS LOST A LIMB BECAUSE OF CTU! YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOSE A LIMB! YOU LOST YOUR SIGHT IN ONE FRIGGIN' EYE!" Chase screamed.

"Thank you Chase." LBP said quietly. "Please sing so I can go home, Doyle. Or I'll come over there and kick your ass."

_Your subtleties  
They strangle me  
I can't explain myself at all.  
And all the wants  
And all the needs  
All I don't want to need at all.  
The walls start breathing  
My mind's unweaving_

_Maybe it's best you leave me alone.  
A weight is lifted  
On this evening  
I give the final blow._

_When darkness turns to light,  
It ends tonight  
It ends tonight._

_A falling star  
Least I fall alone.  
I can't explain what you can't explain.  
You're finding things that you didn't know  
I look at you with such disdain_

_The walls start breathing  
My mind's unweaving  
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.  
A weight is lifted  
On this evening  
I give the final blow._

_When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight won't make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight._

_Now I'm on my own side  
It's better than being on your side  
It's my fault when you're blind  
It's better that I see it through your eyes_

_All these thoughts locked inside  
Now you're the first to know_

_When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight won't make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight._

_Tonight_

_Insight _

_When Darkness turn to light_

_It ends tonight_

"You're really bad at singing." Graem said. "You're extremely bad at singing. No."

"I would agree. You're hot though." Marie said. "Since I refuse to see Reza anymore, will yuo date me?"

"Sorry, but no." Doyle said. Nadia beamed happily

"YOUR SIGHT IS WHAT ENDS TONIGHT!" Paul cried out.

"YOU LOSER! YOU STOLE MY JOKE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU STOLE MY JOKE! YOU'RE ALMOST AS LAME AS DOYLE!" LBP cried, crossing her arms and scowling a scowl Chloe worthy.

Doyle sniffed pitifully. Nadia rolled her eyes and wondered why she was going out with Doyle in the first place.

"OH TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!" Jack snapped. "SERIOUSLY! TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!"

"YEAH! YOU'LL NEVER BE THE NEW ME!" Tony screamed. "YOU SUCK AT LIFE, GUITAR HERO, AND BEING LIKE ME!"

"Tony." Michelle reprimanded him sharply. He whimpered and pouted. She kissed him gently. "It's okay." She whispered. "I know you don't like being uprooted."

"No I don't." He sulked. "But he really does suck at life." Tony wrapped his arm around Michelle. She leaned back into his embrace, resting her head on his shoulder.

"You suck at life too Tony." Bill reminded him.

"SHUT UP BILL!" LBP screeched. "Tony does not suck at life! Speaking of Bill, next up to audition is Karen Hayes/ Mrs. Buchanan singing Home by Sheryl Crow. What the heck for? Why? What is the purpose of this song?"

"Cuz." Karen responded.

"That was a crappy response." Michelle muttered underneath her breath.

"WHOOO! YEAH BABEH!" Bill screamed.

"FINALLY! Someone who has a halfway normal nickname for their significant other. Besides Tony and Michelle anyways." LBP exclaimed.

Karen grabbed the microphone. "Since I really want to go home, let's make this quick."

"HURRY UP!" Screamed some people. "WE WANT TO HEAR JOSH AUDITION!"

Other people screamed, "YOU SUCK KAREN! WE HATE YOU!"

Karen growled, silencing everyone and began to sing. Much to everyone's, including Bill's, complete horror. Cuz Karen's tone deaf, believe it or not. Like Paul. He's tone deaf.

_I woke up this morning  
Now I understand  
What it means to give your life  
To just one man  
Afraid of feeling nothing  
No bees or butterflies  
My head is full of voices  
And my house is full of lies  
_

_This is home, home  
And this is home, home  
This is home_

_I found your standing there  
When I was seventeen  
Now I'm thirty-two  
And I can't remember what I'd seen in you  
I made a promise  
Said it everyday  
Now I'm reading romance novels  
And I'm dreaming of yesterday_

_This is home, home  
And this is home, home_

_This is home  
_

_I'd like to see the Riviera  
And slow dance underneath the stars  
I'd like to watch the sun come up  
In a stranger's arms_

_This is home, home  
And this is home, home  
This is home  
_

_I'm going crazy  
A little everyday  
And everything I wanted  
Is now driving me away  
I woke this morning  
To the sound of breaking hearts  
Mine is full of questions  
And it's tearing yours apart..._

"KAREN WAS A PLAYER?" Screamed several people in the audience. Some people actually fainted from the realization. Many people just stared blankly, unbelieving at the realization. Including Bill.

"Basically." Karen muttered. Bill gasped and began to cry like a baby,

"We didn't let your husband on, we're not letting you on. Don't beg, don't whine don't plead. If you do, we'll just bite your head off." Graem said.

"It's our final decision." Marie said.

"So shut up and stop whining." Paul said.

"But I didn't-" Karen began.

"STOP WHINING!" Paul screamed.

"But-"

"NEH!"

"But-"

"SHUT UP!" LBP screamed. "GOD! BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP SO I CAN THINK AND/OR FINISH TONIGHT'S SHOW WITHOUT BEING MAULED BY THE PEOPLE FROM SCHEDULING!"

"I was God once." Bender said randomly.

"I am God." Tony said. "There's a reason why the website is called ALMEIDA is God."

"So does that mean when someone says 'God' around here, they can actually say 'Tony'?" Someone asked.

"No." LBP answered through gritted teeth. "Can we PLEASE just get this over with? I'm so tired and I'm ready to pass out." LBP yawned, rubbing her eyes. "I don't like being tired. And it's all your fault I'm tired."

"How is it our fault?" The audience asked.

"It's not. I never said it was."

"Yes you did! You just did!"

"You're crazy."

"Nu-uh."

"Yeah-huh."

"SHUT UP!" Marie screeched. "You're all SO annoying. Except for Tony."

"WHEEE!" Tony cheered for himself. "I'm loved!"

"You've always been loved!" Everyone said vehemently.

"Anyway, can we please get on with the show? Next up is Josh Bauer is singing Numb by Linkin' Park. AHHHH! HIDE ME! HIDE ME!" LBP whimpered.

"What's her problem?" Vadergirl2006 asked, still cheering loudly for Josh.

"Weren't you listening before?" DracoMalfoylover113 asked.

"She HATES Linkin' Park." Harry'sgirl107 said.

"But she loves Josh." Said SassyLostie.

"So?" Happyhooligan2001 asked.

"It should cancel each other out." Shosh said.

"Not necessarily." Twentyfour.mad said.

"Whatever." The Ghost of Allyson Bauer said, ending the conversation on that note as Josh emerged quietly.

"YAY JOSH!" The audience cried.

"Um, thank you." He said, grabbing the microphone and began to sing.

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface  
Don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)_

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

_Can't you see that you're smothering me  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
And every second I waste is more than I can take_

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

_And I know  
I may end up failing too  
But I know  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you_

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be_

"Wow." LBP said. "Morbid."

"Josh. You will become like me and you will like it!" Graem hissed.

"NO!" Josh screamed. "I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE LIKE UNCLE JACK!"

"YES!" Screamed Graem.

"Marie? Paul?" LBP shouted over the feuding father and son. Marie and Paul shook their heads vigorously. "Okay then! I'm LBP and this is 24 Idol! See you next week for duets! Jack is paired with Teri, and we all know there's going to be trouble." LBP announced.

"What?" Jack asked, with his girlfriends closing in around him.

* * *

**YES! Next week is in fact duet week! I've already pre-selected the pairs and their songs. And let me tell you, it's gonna be a laugh fest. I promise. Sorry if the beginning of the chapter seemed morbid, but I'm not Mel Brooks. I cannot make death funny. It's hard. And probably not right. **

**Anyway. Favorite song? Favorite line? I think my favorite line was, "Villains have intergrity?" And my favorite song was Milo's (I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight. Milo's song was originally going to be Somebody Told Me by the Killers, but then I heard (I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight, and I was like, "ZOMG! MILO!"**

**And I just had the best idea. For country week, our buddy from China, Cheng Tzi -is that his name?-will be the mentor-like person. You know what I mean, right? RIGHT? OMG! I EVEN KNOW WHAT HE'S GONNA SING! Anyway, review. If you ever want to see the duets, review. **


	8. Duet Week!

**A/N: Well think of this as your 'Back to School' installment of 24 Idol. To be honest, I didn't really think I'd get to update this chapter before I started school. I started marching band and I have swim practice, and I got my braces on finally, so life's been a little crazy. This is by FAR the longest chapter and I don't think there will be another chapter that amounts to this much. Anyway, this Chapter is Duet Week as promised! Finally, a chapter where I need reviewers to do more than be apart of the audience. At the end of this chapter, you will need to vote on four groups you want voted off for next chapter. **

**Reviewer Replies:**

**Vadergirl2006: Well, if Josh went on, I'd have to let Karen go on too and I really didn't want Karen on the show. You do? Sorry for the LP bashing. It's just I don't like them so . . . yeah. Anyway, yes you did say, "OMG JOSH! GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE! YOU'RE HELPING US! I LOVE YOU!" And here is the next chapter as promised.**

**twentyfour.mad: Are you a Bill fan? Wow, I got that right on the money. Yes, it's absolutely hilarious, isn't it?**

**House24Fan: LONG REVIEWS EQUALS LOVE! Sorry, but that's the LONGEST review I've ever gotten! I'm not going to reply to all of your comments (unfortuantely, right) but I will pick some specific ones. **

**The Happy Meal thing- I had just had McDonalds which is a once a year luxury for me, so I REALLY wanted McDonalds when I was writing that.**

**The Audrey No-Talent thing- Kim isn't a talentless bimbo! Audrey yes, but Kim no. Kim's one true talent is being kidnapped. Besides, I intend on making kim move on next season! **

**The Nicknames- The nicknames are back this chapter. AS IS THE CROWBAR! I totally forgot about it until I read that part of your review and I was like, "Aw shit. I forgot about the crowbar."**

**Wicked Songs- YES! PHANTOM PWNZ!**

**Death to Morris- There's a dumb Morris moment in this chapter too**

**Girlfriend, Lithium, and It Ends Tonight- I actually hate the song Girlfriend, but I thought it'd be funny if Marilyn sang it, because she's obviously and painfully in love with Jack. I hate Doyle and Nadia with a passion, and I do like the other two songs, but I just had randomly picked them at the time of before the story when I chose the songs. It gave birth to a, "YOU LOST YOUR SIGHT JOKE!"**

**And that is the end of my reviewer response to House24Fan.**

**andbingowashisnamo: Love them name, btw. Anyway, Everyone seems to like the Chloe is in the 'Girlfriend' club. And Milo PWNZ. **

**Tiana: Thank you! I know, I'm fabulous.**

**SassyLostie: Perhaps I know you too well. Anyway: I did as you requested and the kung fu thing is in here TWICE. And you have Mr. Snuggles the whole chapter. Alas, the ghost of Allyson Bauer is not in this chapter because she didn't review last chapter. ALLYSON, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, STILL REVIEW! JUST CUZ YOUR CHARACTER IS DEAD DOESN'T MEAN YOU DON'T STOP REVIEWING!**

**happyhooligan2001: I can't stop the contest just yet! We have 26 finalists! I need to kick a lot of them off of the show! But anyways, I love Chloe's song. Originally, she was going to sing Black Roses Red by Alana Grace, but I changed my mind as I was writing the chapter and decided to save Black Roses Red for the chapter after next.**

**Charlieh07: To be perfectly honest, I pick songs randomly. For Jack's song, I changed my mind about seven times before I picked What I've Done. I'm sorry you've been having family trouble over the summer. I understand if you don't review for awhile!**

**Tonyrox: LOVE YOUR NAME! Yes, I do realize that I did neglect the crowbar, but now it's back. They were just randomly paired together so if they are enemies, I totally did not regard that.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own 24 or American Idol. They're both owned by FOX which is weird. OH YEAH! The guy who owns Fox bought the Wall Street Journal recently.**

* * *

Feeling much better after last week's show, LBP stepped out on stage, grinning and smiling. Josh had consented (slightly against his will) to be her in-story boyfriend. "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is coming out really soon. I want it." LBP said randomly (A/N: But by the time I update, it'll probably be out already. And I will have devoured it and loved it. But Harry will still be living, alas). "Welcome to 24 Idol everyone! I'm your host, LBP, with our three judges, Marie Warner, Graem Bauer and Paul Raines." 

Milo swooped down from out of nowhere. "JACK HID MY CROWBAR!" He wailed. "It's been missing for almost three weeks!" He paused, and then added, "But the good news is, I saved 15 percent or more on my car insurance by switching to Geico."

"Milo . . . the crowbar is right here." LBP said, handing him the crowbar.

"CROWBAR!" He screamed happily, and hugged it tightly. "I swear I'm never gonna lose you again!" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Jack swooped down. He took the crowbar, and ran for his life. "JACK!" Howled Milo. "I WANT MY CROWBAR BACK!"

"AND HOW DARE YOU SWITCH TO GEICO! YOU KNOW PRESIDENT PALMER WAS THE ICON FOR ALL STATE!" screamed LBP. Several people blinked and she cleared her throat.

"HAHA!" Milo cheered. "I HAVE MY CROWBAR! Hey LBP, where's SassyLostie?"

"I dunno. In the audience?" LBP responded.

"Oh. I want Mister Snuggles back." Milo growled, pouting.

"Well you have to audition, so you don't have time to really look for Mister Snuggles." LBP said, shooing him away.

"But! BUT!" Milo began to cry.

"No 'buts' Mister! Now head backstage and find your partner." LBP growled.

"It's not my fault I got paired up with a Jack Bauer reject." Milo whined.

"OI! MILO! SHUT UP!" LBP howled. Milo slunk away, and SassyLostie giggled evilly from her spot in the audience.

"JOSH!" Screamed Vadergirl2006. She then giggled insanely and the whole studio turned to stare at her. Vadergirl2006 grinned evilly and Tiana just shook her head, wondering how in the name of fergalicious definition she got caught up in all the nonsense. Andbingowashisnamo was humming peacefully. What was she was humming, no one could say.

"First up on our duets is Nina Myers and Jamey Farrell singing Defying Gravity from Wicked." LBP announced. Nina emerged in a black dress, that quite suited her. Jamey, however, emerged in a floaty pink dress that hardly suited her. A look of utter repulsion was plastered on to her face.

"Where's your floating bubble Glinda?" twentyfour.mad jeered. The other reviewers laughed liked hyenas.

"Hey Elphaba? Where's your broom and flying monkeys?" House24Fan laughed. This caused more uproarious laughter. LBP was grinning like an idiot.

"Yuck it up all you want." Jamey growled. "But when we totally kick everyone else's butts, we're gonna be the ones laughing."

Nina simply laughed along, confusing everyone completely.

"How does she do that?" The reviewers muttered amongst themselves.

"Nice outfit." Graem snickered.

"I like it!" Marilyn exclaimed.

"Oh . . . then I LOVE it! Almost as much as I love you Honeybunny!" Graem said, trying to win Marilyn back from the Jack Bauer fan club.

"You know what I realized?" Chloe asked.

"What?" Claudia answered.

"That Marilyn dated Jack too. So doesn't that mean she's a part of our club?" Chloe said.

"You're a part of the club and you've never dated Jack." Teri said. "Audrey dated Jack and she's not a part of the club."

"Yeah, but it's obvious to everyone that there's a romantic tension between Jack and me." Chloe said.

"'Jack and I.'" Kate corrected. "'Jack and I' not 'Jack and Me'. Sheesh Chloe! Haven't you learned proper grammar?"

"No one speaks in proper grammar." Diane snapped.

"Thank you!" Chloe said. "She's cool."

"I'm cooler!" Nina said.

Back over at the judges table, Graem still hadn't gotten any attention from Marilyn. "I said 'I love you'!" Whined Graem.

"Mhmm, that's nice." Marilyn said, ogling at Jack.

"Pookiebear? What do you think?" Paul asked Audrey excitedly.

"I don't like it." Audrey said.

"Then I hate it!" Declared Paul.

"Oy." Muttered Marie underneath her breath.

Reza, who hasn't been mentioned in a few weeks, came onto the stage. "MARIA!"

"HER NAME IS MARIE!" Jamey and Nina shouted in unison, shoving Reza off the stage. He landed right on top of the judges table.

"Please Marie- " Reza begged.

"Please nothing. And I wasn't aware you actually knew what my name was." Marie growled. "I wouldn't have you back if I had to choose between you and Bill. I did say you were very sweet, right before I shot you. The problem is, you're too sweet and I don't care for you anymore. Go hit on my sister."

Reza let out a tiny little sob, before looking hopefully at Kate. Kate shook her head, with a horrified expression on her face and Reza began to bawl. Milo came over and actually did some good for once. He whacked Reza over the head with the crowbar, so that he passed out. Milo and George Mason dragged Reza away and stuffed him in a toy box.

"Any objections?" Milo asked. Seeing as how no one even noticed him, he just assumed no one had any complaints.

"Okay, come on guys, focus! Tonight's gonna be a long night." LBP said. "Nina and Jamey, sing."

Nina and Jamey stood side by side, and they each grabbed a microphone. (A/N: The lyrics are edited for parody purposes. Jamey's lyrics will be in **bold. **Nina's lyrics will be in _italics. _When they sing together it will be _**bolded and italicized**_).

**Nina - why couldn't you have stayed calm for  
once, instead of flying off the handle!  
I hope you're happy!  
I hope you're happy now  
I hope you're happy how you  
Hurt your cause forever  
I hope you think you're clever!**

_I hope you're happy  
I hope you're happy, too  
I hope you're proud how you  
Would grovel in submission  
To feed your own ambition_

_**So though I can't imagine how  
I hope you're happy right now**_

**Nina, listen to me. Just say you're sorry:  
You can still be with Jack Bauer  
What you've worked and waited for  
You can have all you ever wanted:**

_I know:  
But I don't want it -  
No - I can't want it  
Anymore:  
_

_Something has changed within me  
Something is not the same  
I'm through with playing by the rules  
Of someone else's game  
Too late for second-guessing  
Too late to go back to sleep  
It's time to trust my instincts  
Close my eyes: and leap!_

_It's time to try  
Defying gravity  
I think I'll try  
Defying gravity  
And you can't pull me down!_

**Can't I make you understand?  
You're having delusions of grandeur:**

_I'm through accepting limits  
'Cuz someone says they're so  
Some things I cannot change  
But till I try, I'll never know!  
Too long I've been afraid of  
Losing love I guess I've lost  
Well, if that's love  
It comes at much too high a cost!  
I'd sooner buy  
Defying gravity  
Kiss me goodbye  
I'm defying gravity  
And you can't pull me down:  
Jamey - come with me. Think of what we could  
do: together._

**If we work in tandem:**

_**There's no fight we cannot win  
Just you and I  
Defying gravity  
With you and I  
Defying gravity**_

_They'll never bring us down!  
Well? Are you coming?_

**I hope you're happy  
Now that you're choosing this**

_You too  
I hope it brings you bliss_

_**I really hope you get it  
And you don't live to regret it  
I hope you're happy in the end  
I hope you're happy, my friend:**_

_So if you care to find me  
Look to the western sky!  
As someone told me lately:  
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"  
And if I'm flying solo  
At least I'm flying free  
To those who'd ground me  
Take a message back from me  
Tell them how I am  
Defying gravity  
I'm flying high  
Defying gravity  
And soon I'll match them in renown  
And nobody in all of CTU  
No Bauer that will come through  
Is ever gonna bring me down!_

**I hope you're happy!**

_Bring me down!  
_

_Ahhh!_

The audience applauded wildly. Sure, they were evil. Sure they were slightly crazy. What no one was expecting was they had good harmony. Or that Jamey could sing in an extremely high pitched voice.

"Awesome. You two should go on Broadway. Those roles suit you." Graem said. Nina just giggled wickedly. "Well I don't know about Jamey being Glinda." He added.

"I felt like you were taking the limelight, Nina." Paul commented. "I felt like there was too much you and not enough Jamey. Almost like you didn't understand the purpose of the duet. It was enjoyable, but I wasn't feeling it."

"There was a lot of power behind that." Marie said serenely. "Plus, I liked the jokes about Jack. They were funny."

"THEY WERE NOT DAMMIT!" Jack hissed.

"Uh huh." LBP said, chuckling to herself. "I want mini Chips Ahoy. Anyway, that was one duet down, twelve more to go. Next up, our all time favorite couple. Ladies and Gentlemen, Tony Almeida and Michelle Dessler singing 'Way Back Into Love' from Music and Lyrics."

Tony and Michelle walked on stage, and everyone cheered at once. Michelle's cheeks turned slightly pink and Tony grinned that adorable grin of his. "Thank you everyone." Tony said quietly into the microphone.

"The crowbar applauds you." Milo said, in a zombie-fied way. Chloe and Jamey stared, their mouths hanging open. Nina was still giggling insanely. Jack was staring at all his girlfriends, wondering which one of them he would pick if he had to pick all over again. Paul was picking at a hangnail, Marie was filling her fingernails. Marilyn and Graem were having an argument somewhere, so they don't really count at the moment.

"Sweetheart, move over this way a little," Tony muttered, moving Michelle over, away from Milo. Michelle kissed Tony's cheek, as a way of saying 'thank you'. Bill sighed forlornly and looked depressed until Karen glared at him. Then he grinned like an idiot.

Tony and Michelle stepped up to their respective microphones. People held their breath, waiting to see what kind of masterpiece the couple would make. (A/N: Tony's lyrics are **bold**, Michelle's lyrics are _italicized _and the duo are both _**bold and italicized**_.)

_I've been living with a shadow over head  
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my head  
I've been lonely for so long  
trapped in the past, I just cant seem to move on_

**I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away  
Just incase I ever need them again someday  
I've been sitting aside time, to clear a little space in the corners of my mind**

_**All I want to do is find a way back into love  
I can't make it through without a way back into love**_

_**Oh **_

_**Ohhhhh**_

_I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine  
I've been searching but I just dont see the signs  
I know that its out there  
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere_

**I've been looking for someone to shed some light  
Not just somebody to get me through the night  
I could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions**

_**All I want to do is find a way back into love  
I can't make it through without a way back into love  
And If I open my heart again  
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end**_

_There are moments that I dont know if its real  
or if anybody feels the way I feel  
I need inspiration, not just another negotiation_

_**All I want to do is find a way back into love  
I can't make it through without a way back into love  
and if I open my heart again  
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end**_

It was silent for a moment. Suddenly, someone cheered and the audience followed suit. Several people even stood up to applaud the couple. Michelle smiled, as did Tony. And just to give the audience something to holler about, they shared an on stage kiss.

"That was great!" Marie cheered. "That just oozed passion and fire and it was awesome. I don't know if you're a better singer than Nina, Michelle. But that was an awesome duet!"

"It had soul." Paul sniffed. "It was beautiful." He broke down crying. Marie patted him on the shoulder.

"I thought it was terrible. The lyrics suited you, but the key didn't." Graem said. Tony shrugged, really apathetic to what Graem was saying.

"Mhmm." Tony said, not paying attention. Several fangirls in the audience swooned.

"I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!" Jack screamed, from a rafter over head.

"JACK! GET DOWN FROM THERE!" Audrey snapped.

"NOOO! I AM JACK BAUER AND NO MATTER WHAT I DO, I CAN NOT DIE!" Jack cried, preparing to jump off the rafter.

"Nina? What'd you drug him with?" growled Claudia.

"It wasn't me." Nina spoke for the first time this whole show. "It was Mandy."

"NO IT WASN'T!" Mandy giggled insanely from her straightjacket. "It was Nicole!"

"NO IT WASN'T!" Nicole said, flabbergasted. "SHUT UP! IT WAS MICHELLE!"

"WHAT?!?" Everyone asked in unison.

SassyLostie giggled, "It was me!"

"WHAT?!?" Everyone asked again.

"I wanted to keep Milo distracted, so I figured by drugging Jack, it would work." She continued.

"JACK BAUER GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS INSTANT!" Chloe snapped. Jack reluctantly obeyed and climbed down from the rafter, scowling.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Audrey wailed.

"Of course you don't." Teri said. Muttering, she added, "Bimbo."

"Only members of the club have that effect on Jack!" Chloe exclaimed.

"YEAH! GO CHLOE!" Cheered happyhooligan2001.

"IT DIDN'T WORK SASSYLOSTIE!" Milo cried. "NOW GIVE ME MISTER SNUGGLES BACK!"

"Or what?" SassyLostie challenged.

"I'LL . . . I'LL . . . uhh . . . ummm . . . I'LL HAVE NADIA GLARE AT YOU!" Milo cried.

"Ooh, I'm so scared." SassyLostie mocked. "Especially since Nadia isn't here!" She leapt onto the stage, with her mad kung-fu skillz. She began beating up Milo and he started wailing like a baby. "You ask for Mister Snuggles again, I will beat you up. Harder than this time! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" SassyLostie cackled.

Milo gulped and House24Fan laughed. "Loser!" Called out House24Fan. "Don't worry. You're no stupider than Morris."

"Phew. That's a relief." Milo said fervently.

"Haha! Yeah!" Morris laughed. Then it took him a good five minutes to take in that he had been insulted. "HEY!" Everyone roared with laughter.

"Hey guys, I'm heading too McDonalds, anybody want anything?" Bill asked.

"HAPPY MEALS!" Everyone screamed at once.

"YOUR SOUL!" scream twentyfour.mad. Everyone stared at her. She let out a mad, crazy laugh. She added, more seriously this time. "I'm kidding! SHEESH! Can't anyone take a joke anymore?"

"Uh . . . no?" Tiana responded.

"There was a farmer who had a dog and Bingo was his name-o. B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-o." Andbingowashisnamo was singing softly.

"Will you stop that?" Vadergirl2006 asked. "That's almost as annoying as 'It's A Small World'."

"IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL IT'S A SMALL, SMALL WORLD!" Andbingowashisnamo belted at the top of her lungs.

"Oi." groaned Vadergirl2006. "That doesn't mean you have to start singing it."

"Hey LBP?" Tiana asked. "Can we have a week where reviewers sing songs?"

"Wot?" LBP asked.

"You heard me." Tiana growled back.

"Sure." LBP shrugged. "But we really must be moving on with tonight's show. Okay, next up is Chloe O'Brian and Adam Kaufman singing Picture by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow. Chloe?!? DID YOU LOSE A BET OR SOMETHING?" She began cackling with laughter. Anyone who has heard this song will know why. Anyone who hasn't, will find out.

"It was either him or George Mason." Chloe muttered. Adam had sparkles in his eyes as if he could hardly believe this was happening.

"So who got George?" LBP asked.

"You'll find out." Chloe asked, gritting her teeth. "Can we just get this over with?" It was obvious by the look in her eyes that she wanted to be singing with Jack. Adam looked like the world couldn't be a better place than right now by the look in his eyes.

"Chloe," Jack said softly. "Good luck." Chloe's cheeks turned bright pink and she muttered something inaudible.

"Jack." Teri said, a warning eminent in her voice. Jack smiled at Teri, causing her to swoon. While she was momentarily distracted, Jack sent a small smile in Chloe's direction. A small smile graced Chloe's lips.

"GET A ROOM!" Screamed Tony. Everyone broke out into huge bouts of mirthful laughter. Michelle smiled in understanding at Chloe. Chloe shrugged, as if to say she got the message. Michelle gave Tony another kiss on the cheek, and Tony and Michelle went off in a random direction, simply so that they could be in each other's company.

"They should be the ones getting a room." Muttered Chloe.

"They already have one." House24Fan said. "That's probably where they're going."

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" Screamed Tiana and Vadergirl2006.

"Spider Pig, Spider Pig does whatever a Spider Pig does. When he swings, on a web. No he can't, he's a pig. Look out! Bum bum bum. Here comes Spider Pig." Sung andbingowashisnamo softly.

"Seriously guys, I wanna hear Chloe sing with Adam!" LBP whined in an annoying fashion. "Let's go people!"

Chloe dragged Adam to the microphone. (A/N: Adam's lyrics will be **bold**. Chloe's lyrics will be _italicized_. Together, their lyrics will be _**bolded and italicized**_.)

**Livin' my life in a slow hell  
Different girl every night at the hotel  
I ain't seen the sun shine in 3 damn days  
Been fuelin' up on cocaine and whisky  
Wish I had a good girl to miss me  
Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways **

**I put your picture away  
Sat down and cried today  
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to her  
I put your picture away, sat down and cried today  
I can't look at you, while I'm lyin next to her**

_I called you last night in the hotel  
Everyone knows but they wont tell  
But their half hearted smiles tell me  
Somethin' just ain't right  
I been waitin' on you for a long time  
Fuelin' up on heartaches and cheap wine  
I ain't heard from you in 3 damn nights  
_

_I put your picture away  
I wonder where you been  
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him  
I put your picture away  
I wonder where you been  
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him  
_

_I saw ya yesterday with an old friend _

**It was the same ole same 'How have you been?';**

_**Since you been gone my worlds been dark and grey**_

**You reminded me of brighter days **

_I hoped you were comin' home to stay  
I was headed to church_

**I was off to drink you away **

_**I thought about you for a long time  
Can't seem to get you off my mind  
I can't understand why we're living life this way  
I found your picture today  
I swear I'll change my ways  
I just called to say I want you to come back home I found your picture today  
I swear I'll change my ways  
I just called to say I want you to come back home  
I just called to say, I love you come back home **_

"YEAH CHLOE! WHOO!" cheered happyhooligan2001

"Chloe, did you ever have a fling-thing with Adam?" Marie asked serenely. "It sounds like you did

to me."

"NO!" Chloe exclaimed. "I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO SING WITH HIM! IT WAS THIS OR SEXYBACK WITH MASON!"

"It sounded nice. You two have perfect harmony with each other." Graem said. He added smirking, "But you looked like you were under Chinese Water Torture that entire time, Chloe. It was extremely amusing."

"HAHA! That was true. I will agree, it looked like you were being tortured that whole time. Cuz I'm sure, you were really being tortured on the inside. When Jack auditions with his wife, it shall be painful for many of you. Including my Pookiebear." Paul said. "But I must say, I hated your performance. It was terrible." Paul growled.

"Speaking of Jack, here is his partner in crime, I mean, his partner in busting crime, Chase Edmunds. Along with him is Tom Baker!" LBP announced. "They are singing 'Already Gone' by the Eagles. Why?"

"We both had a fling with Kim." Chase muttered. "But my fling lasted longer."

"Yours lasted about two years." LBP said. "How long did Tom's last?"

"Three days." Muttered Tom. LBP giggled.

Jack looked over to find his daughter. "Kim. I'm not mad, honest." He said, his temper rising and his face flushing.

"Hey, you know what I realized?" happyhooligan2001 asked.

"What?" Tiana responded.

"Kim says she doesn't want to be like Jack, right? Well, she's already killed a few people, and she's had several boyfriends!"

"Did not!" Kim exclaimed.

"Did too!" Happyhooligan2001 growled. "You want me to name them?"

"Yes." Kim challenged. "Wait, my boyfriends or the people I've killed?"

"Your boyfriends. They are Vincent, Rick, Miguel, Tom, Chase, and Barry. That's almost as many significant others as Jack has now." happyhooligan2001 retorted.

"Yes, almost as many!" Kim said, her face losing all it's color.

"But you have time." Happyhooligan2001 muttered. "And Jack is running out of time. Kim just threw him a disbelieving look. "You will slowly turn into your father. Just like whatshername turned into her father. What is her name?" (A/N: Does anyone know who the hell I'm talking about? Cuz I don't.)

"I didn't turn into my father! I turned into Jack! And then I was only mentioned once in each season after my hand was chopped off. No wait. I wasn't mentioned in Season 6." Chase exclaimed.

"I vanished after Season 3." Tom said. "And no one ever mentioned me again."

"I did! When that freaky Asian guy went to the Consulate with Jack in Season 4." LBP said. "I was wondering what happened to you, cuz you are awesome."

"Thank you." Bowed Tom.

"Now shut up and sing. The both of you." LBP growled. Tom's face fell immensely.

Chase and Tom stepped up to take microphones, much to the chagrin of everyone else. (Chase's lyrics are **bold** and Tom's lyrics are _italicized._ Do I really have to explain the rest? I'm sure you can put** two **and _two_ _**together**_.)

_Well, I heard some people talkin' just the other day _  
**And they said you were gonna put me on a shelf **  
**But let me tell you I got some news for you**  
_And you'll soon find out it's true _  
**And then you'll have to eat your lunch all by yourself **

_**'Cause I'm already gone  
And I'm feelin' strong  
I will sing this vict'ry song, **_

_**Woo, hoo ,hoo, woo, hoo, hoo **_

_The letter that you wrote me made me stop and wonder why _  
_But I guess you felt like you had to set things right _  
**Just remember this, my girl, when you look up in the sky  
You can see the stars and still not see the light** (_that's right_)

_**And I'm already gone  
And I'm feelin' strong  
I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo, hoo,hoo **_

_Well I know it wasn't you who held me down _  
**Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free **  
_So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains _  
**And we never even know we have the key **

_**But me, I'm already gone  
And I'm feelin' strong  
I will sing this vict'ry song  
'Cause I'm already gone  
Yes, I'm already gone  
And I'm feelin' strong  
I will sing this vict'ry song  
'Cause I'm already gone  
Yes, I'm already gone  
Already gone  
All right, nighty-night**_

"Wow." Graem said. "You sounded like two drunken guys at a bar singing karaoke."

"You said talent didn't matter on this show." Tom said, his voice slurring.

"You really did. And yet for some reason, I enjoyed it." Paul said. "But perhaps it's because that Tom is actually drunk, and that's what made it funny."

"Aw, screw you." Tom muttered drunkenly.

"Uh, Tom, the act's getting old." Chase said.

"Waht akt?" Tom asked. (A/N: When characters are drunk, their speech shall be typed funny).

"You were only supposed to act drunk if anyone said we sounded like we were drunk." Chase said.

"Wah? Idunmember." Tom muttered, before collapsing on stage.

"I don't understand." Marie said, as Chase was dragging him off stage. "Tom was fine before. What happened to him?" Everyone turned to SassyLostie.

"WHAT?!?" She exclaimed. "Just because I drugged Jack once it means you're about to crucify me? We can't do this. Everyman for himself is NOT going to work. If we can't live together, we're going to die alone."

"WTF?" Everyone asked. Except for LBP. "No one has died, except for Allyson Bauer."

She (LBP), on the other hand, screamed out, "BIG ISLAND IN THE SKY!"

"It was me." Nina announced dramatically. "I spiked the microphone with a little something-something. He's not really drunk, just high. Like you Jack."

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" All the reviewers screamed.

"Why are we all so obsessed with drugging each other?" LBP asked. "Speaking of Jack and drugs, here is Kate Warner, who dated Jack and George Mason, who died from a lethal dose of plutonium. They are singing All At Once by The Fray. OHMYGOD! I LOVE THAT SONG!"

"HOW COME YOU WERE GONNA FORCE ME TO SING SEXYBACK?" Chloe asked.

"I dunno. It'd be funnier because I didn't even know who the heck you were. I knew Kate during the last hours of my life." George said, shrugging his shoulders. "Plus, it was nice of me to take a Jack Bauer reject."

"I _was_ a Jack Bauer reject." Chloe muttered underneath her breath.

"You were lucky Adam was there to fawn over you." George muttered.

"HO BURN!" Screamed Tiana and charlieh07.

"YOU'RE BACK!" Screamed LBP, hugging her.

"Yeah I am." Charlieh07 said, shrugging.

"You know what Mason?" happyhooligan2001 asked. "At least Chloe cares about other people besides herself. And at least, if she had a child, she wouldn't ignore it for ten or twenty years."

"HO ' BURN!" Everyone else screamed. Chloe smiled, thoroughly delighted.

"Anyway!" Kate said, clearing her throat. "I, um, want to sing now, so can you all just . . . oh, I don't know how to put this, SHUT THE HELL UP?"

"YOU GO KATE!" Marie cheered. "You're cool."

"Yeah I'm- " Kate began, but was interrupted.

"But I'm still, and always will be, cooler than you." Marie said, smirking.

"WILL NOT!

"WILL TOO!"

"WILL NOT!"

"WILL TOO!"

"OI! SHUT UP!" Everyone screamed.

Twentyfour.mad asked, "What are we talking about again?"

"Please don't tell me you drugged the audience."Growled LBP to Jack.

"Something might've happened on the way to the stage tonight." Jack muttered. "BUT IT'S ALL KIM'S FAULT!"

"My fault?" Kim shrieked. "You're the irresponsible adult that brought them here in the first place!"

"JACK!" Roared George. Everyone fell silent. "Thank you." He said in a nice tone. "Kate, get over here. We're singing before this gets anymore out of hand." (**George/**_Kate/__**Together)**_

_There are certain people you just keep coming back to  
_**She is right in front of you  
**_You begin to wonder could you find a better one_  
**Compared to her now she's in question**

_**And all at once the crowd begins to sing  
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same**_  
**Maybe you want her, maybe you need her**_**  
**__Maybe you started to compare to someone not there_

**Looking for the right one you line up the world to find  
Where no questions cross your mind  
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt  
Much longer for you to sort it out**

**_And all at once the crowd begins to sing  
Sometimes the hardest things and the right things are the same  
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it  
Maybe it's all you're running from  
Perfection will not come  
_**

_And all at once the crow begins to sing  
Sometimes  
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain  
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same_

**_Maybe you want her, maybe you need her  
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another  
To another_**

"I . . ." LBP began dramatically. "Like cereal."

"HERE HERE!" Charlieh07 cheered.

"Dude, that sucked." Graem growled.

"Agreed." Paul and Marie said.

Tiana gaped, vigorously shaking her head Vadergirl2006 actually booed at the judges. The rest of reviewers shrugged nonchalantly. SassyLostie was looking around vigorously for Milo. House24Fan was looking around for Tony. Hey, he hasn't been around since he auditioned. Anyway, happyhooligan2001 was completely unconcerned about the competition, considering Chloe had already auditioned. Twentyfour.mad was pouting, and andbingowashisnamo was looking triumphant and happy while Josh was sweating nervously near them. Clinging to Josh, was Vadergirl2006. Tonyroxs was tilting her head, wondering why she was even here.

"Anyway!" SassyLostie declared, marching on stage with Mr. Snuggles en tow. "Next up we have . . . not Milo."

"HEY!" LBP growled. "That's MY line. Actually, no it isn't. But I'm supposed to announce the act. I'm the host! Me! Me! NOT YOU! Next up is Jack Bauer and Teri Bauer singing My Wish by the Rascal Flatts."

Jack and Teri walked up on stage, as the lights dimmed to have only a spotlight shine on their microphone. All was deadly silent.

Until Graem screamed out, "YOU SUCK JACK!"

"I DO NOT!" Jack retorted.

"YOU TELL HIM JACK!" Chloe declared. Everyone turned to face Chloe, completely awed by her outburst. Nina began to applaud loudly, and after giving everyone a glare, the audience, the entire studio, followed suit.

"Always knew you had it in you Chloe." Jack said warmly. Chloe blushed, and Teri pushed Jack in front of the microphone.

"Try." Teri said coldly. "To remember that you married ME."

"But the minute you get voted off the show, you go back to being 'Jack's Dead Wife'." LBP said. "Unless I see fit."

"WHAT?!?" Exclaimed every character that had been killed off.

"I said if I see fit." LBP said. Tony, Michelle, and Milo sighed with relief. "There are SOME people who don't belong here, but are here. Like Reza. The only reason he's still here is so we can randomly put in him in and have him annoy Marie. Anyway," LBP added brightly. "We need to get on with tonight's show."

"We'd like to dedicate this to our daughter, Kimberly." Teri and Jack said together. (Jack's lyrics will be **bold**, Teri's lyrics will be _italicized_. Can you please put two and two _**together**_?)

**I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,  
And each road leads you where you want to go,**  
_And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,  
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you._  
**And if one door opens to another door closed,**_  
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,_  
_**If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,**_

_**But more than anything, more than anything,  
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,  
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,  
You never need to carry more than you can hold,  
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,  
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,  
Yeah, this, is my wish.**_

_I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,  
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,  
_**I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,  
And you help somebody every chance you get,  
**_Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,_  
**And you always give more than you take.**

**_But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,  
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,  
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,  
You never need to carry more than you can hold,  
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,  
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,  
Yeah, this is my wish._**

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" All the people cheered. Jack's girlfriends cheered for him, just because he was Jack. Kim came on stage, and gave both her parents a hug. Which was weird for her, because her mother had been dead for years and she hadn't talked to her father in a long, long time.

"You suck Jack. You try to be heartwarming but you're just . . . not." Graem said. Everyone booed. Except for Nina. She was staring at Tony who was glaring back at her. "Teri does a good job at being heartwarming, because she's an actual person. You Jack, on the other hand, are more machine than man. However, the combination of the two of you was slightly heartwarming. It was . . . all right. Tolerable at best."

"I think somebody secretly likes their brother." Marie said. "You pretend to loathe him, but you really don't. PICK A SIDE, WE'RE AT WAR! Oh, by the way, nice preformance."

"Hated it." Paul declared. "You made Pookiebear cry."

"CROWBAR!" Screamed Milo out of nowhere. "JACK, YOU HAVE THREE SECONDS TO GIVE ME BACK MY CROWBAR OR . . . OR . . . OR . . . I'LL COME OVER THERE AND BEAT YOU UP! OR I'LL KISS CHLOE! YEAH! I'LL KISS CHLOE!"

"No you won't!" Chloe growled.

"You can kiss me Milo!" fawned Jamey.

"Fine then. I'll save Jamey for later, cuz no one likes her." Milo muttered. "I'LL KISS AUDREY IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME MY CROWBAR BACK, I'LL KISS AUDREY!"

"NO YOU WON'T!" Audrey and Paul screamed. In Jack's daze, Milo swooped down and stole the crowbar. He thwacked Jack on the back of the head, much to the fury of Teri. He ran off stage, Teri on his heels.

"Speaking of Milo and Audrey, here's Milo Pressmen and Audrey Raines singing What is this Feeling? from Wicked! You guys have issues. But, we're going to have Broadway week. Soon. I know we're going to be able to do good with a Broadway week. You just can't go wrong with a Broadway week."

Audrey emerged in a beautiful pink dress, her curly blonde hair flowing behind her. "Hello all. Hi Paul." Cooed Audrey. "HI JACK!"

"Oi." Muttered everyone.

"NO!" Milo howled. "I'M NOT COMING OUT!"

"YES YOU ARE!" Hissed Audrey. She stalked backstage, and grabbed Milo, and dragging him out on stage. He was wearing a loose black shirt, with tight black pants.

"How'd you-" SassyLostie began.

"Change so fast?" Finished Tonyrox.

"Cuz you were-" Vadergirl2006 started.

"Being chased by Teri!" Completed andbingowashisnamo, confused.

"YEAH!" House24Fan, happyhooligan2001, twentyfour.mad, Tiana, and charlieh07 said in unison.

Audrey and Milo walked up to the microphone, and prepared themselves to sing (This song has been edited cuz it'd just be a catastrophe. Audrey's lyrics are _italicized _and Milo's lyrics are **bold**. (_**Together, they are a disaster**_.)

_Dearest darlingest Momsy and Popsicle _

**My dear father**

_**There's been some confusion over rooming here at Shiz**_

**But of course I'll care for Nessa**

_But of course, I'll rise above it_

_**For I know that's know you'd want me to respond, yes**_

_**There's been some confusion for you see my roommate is**_

_Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and all together quite impossible to describe_

**Blonde.**

_What is this feeling so sudden and new?_

**I felt the moment, I laid eyes on you**

_My pulse is rushing_

**My head is reeling**

_My face is flushing_

**What is this feeling?**

_**Fervid as a flame,**_

_**Does it have a name?  
Yes! **_

_**Loathing  
Unadulterated loathing  
**_

_For your face;_

**Your voice;**

_Your clothing;_

_**Let's just say - I loathe it all  
Ev'ry little trait, however small  
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl  
With simple utter loathing  
There's a strange exhilaration  
In such total detestation  
It's so pure and strong!  
Though I do admit it came on fast  
Still I do believe that it can last  
And I will be loathing  
Loathing you  
My whole life long!**_

_**What is this feeling?  
So sudden and new?  
I felt the moment I laid eyes on you  
My pulse is rushing  
My head is reeling  
Oh, what is this feeling?  
Does it have a name?  
Yes  
Ahhh**_

_**Loathing!**_

_**There's a strange exhilaration  
In such total detestation**_

_**It's so pure, so strong .  
**_

_**Though I do admit it came on fast  
Still I do believe that it can last  
And I will be...  
Loathing  
For forever...**_

_**Loathing,  
Truly deeply loathing you**_

_**My whole life long**_

**Boo!**

_AHH!_

"Can I just take this moment and . . . LAUGH AT YOU?" House24Fan laughed insanely. Truthfully, it took all of LBP's nerve to keep her from laughing. SassyLostie was pointing and laughing. Everyone else was just plain confused.

"All right. That was just . . . awful." Graem said. "Nice outfit, by the way Milo."

"I believe the word Graem is looking for is HORRENDOUS!" Shrieked Marie. "I'm going to have nightmares about this for a long, long time. Thank you for making my life more screwy than it is." Upon the end of this statement, she took a blanket out from underneath the judges' table and wrapped it around herself, humming 'I Feel Pretty' from West Side Story.

"I love it Pookiebear." Paul said. _Please say you love me, please say you love me. _Paul thought, looking up hopefully at Audrey.

"Aww! Thanks Paul!" Audrey said.

"WHAT?!? NO 'I LOVE YOU'S?" Paul bawled.

"I'M BACK FROM MCDONALD'S!" Bill cheered. "WHERE'S MISSUS WHISKERS?!? CRAP! I LEFT AT MCDONALD'S AND I TOLD HER NOT TO MOVE!" He began to cry.

"All agents that are not participating in this competition, this is Karen Hayes. We need to activate Operation 'Bam Chica Wah Wah'. Get that cat back at all costs!" Karen cried. So thousands of agents in the audience poured out of studio to retrieve Missus Whiskers.

"Anyway," LBP said. "Next up is . . . that's a good question. Who is next? Claudia and Christopher Henderson. They WERE going to sing La Tortura by Shakira and Alejandro Sanz. But when the internet decided not to comprehend the lyrics, we forced them to change it. So now they're going to sing . . . Oh god. Take Me out by Franz Ferdinand."

Claudia graciously bowed and flashed a winning smile at Jack, who was glaring at Christopher Henderson. Claudia yanked Christopher's ear and dragged him over to the microphone. "It's time for us to sing! You can solve your issues with Jack later." (They're basically going to sing the whole thing _**together**_, cuz I'm boring).

**_I say don't you know  
You say you don't know  
I say... take me out_**

**_I say you don't show  
Don't move time is slow  
I say... take me out_**

**_I say you don't know  
You say you don't go  
I say... take me out_**

**_If I move, this could die  
If eyes move this can die  
I want you... to take me out_**

**_I know I won't be leaving here  
(With you)  
I know I won't be leaving here  
(With you)  
I know I won't be leaving here  
(With you)  
I know I won't be leaving here  
With you_**

**_I say, don't you know  
You say you don't know  
I say... take me out_**

**_If I wait this could die  
If I wane this could die  
I want you to take me out_**

**_If I move, this could die  
If eyes move this can die  
Come on... Take me out_**

"I find it slightly creepy how all of your songs, Christopher, are about death. Bones, Take Me Out. What's next, Bring Me to Life? Don't answer that." Marie said.

"That was . . . interesting. An . . . interesting mix of your voices, and you understood what a duet actually means." Paul said.

"You keep saying interesting." Claudia said, fearful and annoyed at the same time.

"Well it was." Paul replied.

"In a good way or a bad way?" Claudia asked.

"It stunk. Go home." Graem hissed.

The reviewers cheered their sentiment. After all, Christopher Henderson killed Tony and Michelle. He deserves to DIE. Oh wait, he's already dead. At any rate, he needs to be kicked off THIS show. House24Fan and Tonyrox began throwing tomatoes and whatever else they could find at Christopher and Claudia. The pair ran off stage, crying.

"CHARGE!" Screamed House24Fan. The reviewers pilled out of the audience and chased after Henderson and Claudia. Mainly Henderson.

"That was weird." LBP said, lifting an eyebrow. "You know what else is weird? Sarah Gavin and Lynn McGill. Singing Hips Don't Lie. TOGETHER!" Several people (or who ever was left) in the audience fainted.

Some screamed before fainting. Others screamed, "NO WAY! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"

"Yeah, um, I wish I was." LBP said. "Believe me, I wish I was."

"Okay, the pairing I can understand." Tiana said. "But seriously. HIPS DON'T LIE?"

"Dude, didn't I just SAY I wish I were kidding? We don't control what they get to sing. Unless it poses to be a problem." LBP retorted.

"But this is going to be life scarring!" Wailed andbingowashisnamo.

"Well that's not my problem." LBP growled. "When you come on this show, life scarring things happen."

Andbingowashisnamo simply sniffed and turned away. Happyhooligan2001 returned out of nowhere and began snickering. Tiana patted andbingowashisnamo on the shoulder and glared at LBP, who shrugged.

"TAKE THAT YOU . . . YOU ALMEIDA, DESSLER AND PALMER HATER!" House24Fan screeched, whacking him over the head with Milo's crowbar.

"CROWBAR!" Wailed Milo.

"Yeah! Chimed in SassyLostie, bashing him over the head with Mr. Snuggles.

"MISTER SNUGGLES!!" Wailed Milo. "PLEASE SASSYLOSTIE! YOU'RE HURTING HIM! GIVE HIM BACK!"

"Let me think about that . . . NO!" SassyLostie declared.

"Please?" Wailed Milo.

"NO!" SassyLostie growled. "It's taken me . . .so long . . . so long, to get this teddy bear. I just can't give him up now. You have to . . .have to understand."

Milo paused and there was a dramatic tension. Then he shook his head. "No . . . I can't."

"Then I'm sorry." SassyLostie said.

"Sorry for what?" Milo asked.

"This." SassyLostie responded, snatching Milo's crowbar from House24Fan and smacking Milo with it. "TAKE THAT!" She shouted, running off in a random direction. House24Fan followed in a very Phantom of the Opera esque- way.

"Okay, now that's out of the way, ladies and gentlemen Lynn McGill and Sarah Gavin singing Hips Don't Lie by Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean." LBP annouced. (The annoying analyst (Sarah) is _boring,_ while the hobbit (Lynn) is **heroic** and _**together**_ they will make everyone deaf.)

**Ladies up in here tonight  
No fighting, no fighting  
We got the refugees up in here  
No fighting, no fighting  
**

**I never really knew that she could dance like this  
She makes a man wants to speak Spanish  
Como se llama (si), bonita (si), mi casa (si,), su casa  
**

_Oh baby when you talk like that  
You make a woman go mad  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body  
_

_And I'm on tonight  
You know my hips don't lie  
And I'm starting to feel it's right  
All the attraction, the tension  
Don't you see baby, this is perfection_

**Hey Girl, I can see your body moving  
And it's driving me crazy  
And I didn't have the slightest idea  
Until I saw you dancing**

**And when you walk up on the dance floor  
Nobody cannot ignore the way you move your body, girl  
And everything so unexpected - the way you right and left it  
So you can keep on shaking it**

**I never really knew that she could dance like this  
She makes a man want to speak Spanish  
Como se llama (si), bonita (si), mi casa (si,), su casa**

_Oh baby when you talk like that  
You make a woman go mad  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body  
_

_Oh I know I am on tonight my hips don't lie  
And I am starting to feel it's right  
All the attraction, the tension  
Don't you see baby, this is perfection_

_Oh boy, I can see your body moving  
Half animal, half man  
I don't, don't really know what I'm doing  
But you seem to have a plan  
My will and self restraint  
Have come to fail now, fail now  
See, I am doing what I can, but I can't so you know  
That's a bit too hard to explain_

_  
_

**_Baila en la calle de noche  
Baila en la calle de día  
_**

**_Baila en la calle de noche  
Baila en la calle de día  
_**

**I never really knew that she could dance like this  
Como se llama (si), bonita (si), mi casa (si,), su casa  
**

_Oh baby when you talk like that  
You know you got me hypnotized  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body_

**Senorita, feel the conga, let me see you move like you come from Colombia**

_Mira en Barranquilla se baila así, say it!  
Mira en Barranquilla se baila así  
_  
**Yeah  
She's so sexy every man's fantasy a refugee like me back **

**with the Fugees from a 3rd world country  
I go back like when 'pac carried crates for Humpty Humpty  
I need a whole club dizzy  
Why the CIA wanna watch us?  
Colombians and Haitians  
I ain't guilty, it's a musical transaction  
No more do we snatch ropes  
Refugees run the seas 'cause we own our own boats**

_Oh, you know I am on tonight and my hips don't lie  
And I am starting to feel it's right  
__The attraction, the tension Baby, like this is perfection_

**No fighting**  
_No fighting_

"I'M TRAUMATIZED!! OH GOD HELP ME THAT WAS THE SCARIEST PERFORMANCE I'VE EVER HAD TO ENDURE!" Wailed andbingowashisnamo.

"I'd agree. You two SUCK." Graem growled angrily, running a hand through his faded neon green hair.

"I don't want to change his hair back. Can't we keep it like this?" LBP asked.

"No . . . the dye's fading. We have to make it brighter." House24Fan said.

"Schweet." LBP said. "Let me know when you're ready for that."

"I have an idea." House24Fan said. Beckoning LBP over, House24Fan whispered the idea into her ear.

"Ooh, I like!" LBP declared. "Speaking of liking stuff, here is Mandy and Nicole singing Take Me or Leave Me from RENT. I like RENT!"

Dead silence filled the audience as Mandy and Nicole emerged on stage. No one spoke a word, and LBP pointedly looked away.

"We don't care what you think." Mandy growled. "Besides, I got my Happy Meal."

"WHAT?!" LBP asked.

"Yeah. I stole it from Bill." She said nonchalantly.

"Did Bill ever get his cat back?"

"No."

"Sucks for him." LBP muttered.

(The assassin (Mandy) is _slick_. The fake agent (Nicole) is **bold**. _**Together they are a danergerous harmony**_.)

_Every single day, I walk down the street  
I hear people say, "Baby' so sweet"  
Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me,  
Boys - girls, I can't help it baby  
So be kind, and don't lose your mind  
Just remember that I'm your baby  
_

_Take me for what I am  
Who I was meant to be  
And if you give a damn  
Take me baby or leave me  
Take me baby or leave me  
_

_A tiger in a cage can never see the sun  
This diva needs her stage,  
Baby - let's have fun!  
You are the one I choose  
Folks would kill to fill your shoes  
You love the limelight too, now baby  
So be mine but don't waste my time  
Cryin' - "O' Honeybear - are you still my my my baby?"_

**Don't. You. Dare.**

_Take me for what I am  
Who I was meant to be  
And if you give a damn  
Take me baby or leave me  
No way - can I be what I'm not  
But hey - don't you want your girl hot!  
Don't fight - don't lose your head  
'Cause every night - who's in your bed?  
Who, who's in your bed, baby?  
Kiss, Pookie._

**It won't work.  
I look before I leapI love margins and discipline  
I make lists in my sleep  
Baby what's my sin?  
Never quit - I follow through  
I hate mess - but I love you  
What to do with my impromptu baby  
So be wise 'cause this girl satisfies  
You've got a prize, but don't compromise  
You're one lucky baby  
Take me for what I am**

_A control freak_

**Who I was meant to be**

_A snob - yet over-attentive_

**And if you give a damn**

_A lovable, droll geek_

**Take me baby or leave me**

_And anal retentive_

_**That's it!**_

**The straw that breaks my back**

_**I quit**_

**Unless you take it back**

_Women_

_**Can't live with them or without them!  
Take me for what I am  
Who I was meant to be  
And if you give a damn  
Take me baby or leave me  
Take me babyOr leave me  
Guess I'm leavin'  
I'm GONE!**_

"Um . . ." Graem said. "That's all I can fathom up right now. UMMM . . ."

"That was scary." Marie said. "And tone deaf, but mostly horrifying." She shivered. "Never EVER sing that song again."

"I liked it." Paul said. "RENT is awesome." Marie rolled her eyes and made a scoffing noise in her throat while Graem just stared.

"I like RENT too. And to continue the theme of Broadway musicals, here is David Palmer and Jon Keeler singing the Jet Song from West Side Story!"

Jon and David emerged, and David did his famous hand-wave thing. Jon just tried to smile as they both went for their microphones. (Jon was _slick_, while David was **bold**. They never really along well in a group _**together**_. By the way, a part of the lyrics are missing just cuz I wanted to take out a part..)

**When you're a Jet,  
You're a Jet all the way  
From your first cigarette  
To your last dyin' day. **

_When you're a Jet,  
If the spit hits the fan,  
You got brothers around,  
You're a family man!_

**_You're never alone,  
You're never disconnected!  
You're home with your own, when company's expected!  
You're well protected!  
_**

**_Then you are set  
With a capital J,  
Which you'll never forget  
Till they cart you away.  
When you're a Jet,  
You stay a Jet!  
_**

_When you're a Jet,  
You're the top cat in town,  
You're the gold medal kid  
With the heavyweight crown_!

**When you're a jet  
You're the swingingest thing  
Little boy, you're a man  
Little man, you're a king  
**

_**Here come the Jets:  
Little world, step aside!  
Better go underground,  
Better run, better hide!**_

_**We're drawin' the line,  
So keep your noses hidden!  
We're hangin' a sign,  
Says "Visitors forbidden"  
And we ain't kiddin'!**_

_**Here come the Jets  
Yeah! And we're gonna beat  
Ev'ry last buggin' gang  
On the whole buggin' street!  
On the whole!  
Ever!  
Mother!  
Lovin'!  
Street!  
Yeah!  
**_

"WHOO!" Everyone cheered because even though they all hated Jon Keeler, they still rooted for Palmer. He was the best President had on 24, or will ever have.

"Jon, you ruined what could've been a perfectly good duet." Graem growled and several people growled with him.

"Yeah!" Chorused Marie and Paul.

"But David, you were wonderful. Sorry we had to take you out." Graem said sheepishly.

"No problem." David shrugged, clearly uncaring about being judged by the man who technically killed him. "Now I can play all the rounds of golf I want and I won't be annoyed by some newbie President who is in trouble."

"WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Roared a new voice.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I don't believe it. It's . . . it's . . . ." LBP said.

"RICHARD NIXON!" All the reviewers screamed in unison.

"NO!" LBP exclaimed. "Although it's close enough. It's former President Charles Logan!"

The audience was strangely quiet.

"Charles." Said Keeler, nodding his head.

"Jon." Said Charles, being held hostage by the nameless terrorist.

"Charles." David said stiffly.

"David." Returned Charles.

"EHEM!" Exclaimed another voice.

"MARTHA!" everyone cheered at once.

"You kidnapped her too?" Wailed LBP. "Great! Just great!"

"What are you talking about? Don't you have control over this?" Bill asked.

"No." LBP said tiredly. "When I called you, to get you all to the studio, I was forced to say that. I have no more control over the situation then you do."

"Great. Just great." Bill muttered, folding his arms crossly.

"And all this time . . ." House24Fan muttered quietly.

"You've decieved us!" Hissed Charlieh07.

"In what way?" LBP asked, folding her arms.

"We thought you were good!" Andbingowashisnamo exclaimed.

"I AM good!" LBP hissed.

"I was going to say that all this time we we've been on the show tonight, Tony hasn't said much. He and Michelle have been gone awhile actually . . ." House24Fan said, shrugging.

Happyhooligan2001 lifted his eyebrows and Tiana let out a nervous giggle.

"And what are you- never mind! I don't want to know!" Twentyfour.mad exclaimed.

SassyLostie gave Twentyfour.mad a look. "Then why'd you bother to ask?" She asked.

"I don't know!" Exclaimed Twentyfour.mad.

"CHRISTOPHER HENDERSON HAS FLED THE BUILDING!" Exclaimed Tonyrox.

"That's not surprising." Vadergirl2006.

"It's not?" LBP asked.

"No." Vadergirl2006 said, shaking her head.

"Explain it to us then." Josh said cuz I totally forgot he existed for a moment. LBP grabbed his hand firmly, reminding everyone including herself, that he was sort of (not really) hers.

"Well after everyone pelted him with tomatoes, he probably went back to his hotel room to wash off the tomato juice." Vadergirl2006 explained.

"Oh . . . THAT MAKES SENSE!" LBP exclaimed.

"I'm sure it does . . ." Vadergirl2006 said.

"It does!" Exclaimed LBP defensively. "But that's not the point. The point is, we have two more auditions left in our show tonight. Next up is Carrie Bendis and Diane Huxley singing This One's For the Girls by Martina McBride."

Both girls emerged on stage, to the silence of the crowd. "Um, we'd like to thank everyone for being here tonight." Carrie said.

"Yeah. Basically what she said." Diane said.

"You know," LBP said. "You don't need to thank everyone for being here you know. It's technically mandatory that they're here. We need an audience, do we not?"

"We do." Said the ever lovely, and loyal reviewers. OHMIGOD! ALLITERATION! Actually that was more like . . . not assonance. The other thing. Anyway, have you ever seen the Care Bear movie? The one made in 1985? Well, Wish Bear in it goes, "OHMYGOSH!" At one point. It was really funny. But I'm rambling. Back to the story.

"Right . . ." Diane trailed off. "Anyway . . . UM . . . let's sing!"

"SING LIKE THE SKIES OPENED UP ONLY FOR US!" Carrie shrieked.

"Um . . . how about we just sing just cuz." Diane said.

"Okay!" Carrie said brightly.

(_Carrie_/**Diane**/_**Together**_)

_This one's for all you girls about thirteen  
High school can be so rough, can be so mean_**  
Hold onto, on to your innocence  
Stand your ground when everyone's giving in  
**  
_**This one's for the girls  
**_  
**This is for all you girls about twenty-five  
In a little apartment, just trying to get by**  
_Living on, on dreams and spaghetti-o's  
Wondering where you life is gonna go_

_**This one's for the girls  
Who've ever had a broken heart  
Who've wished upon a shooting star  
You're beautiful the way you are  
This one's for the girls  
Who love without holding back  
Who dream with everything they have  
All around the world  
This one's for the girls**_

**This is for all you girls about forty-two**  
_Tossing pennies into the Fountain of Youth_  
_Every laugh, laugh line on your face_  
**Made you who you are today**

_**This one's for the girls  
Who've ever had a broken heart  
Who've wished upon a shooting star  
You're beautiful the way you are  
This one's for the girlsWho love without holding back  
Who dream with everything they have  
All around the world  
This one's for the girls**_

_Yeah, we're all the same inside_ (**same inside**)  
**From 1 to 99**

_**This one's for the girls  
Who've ever had a broken heart  
Who've wished upon a shooting star  
You're beautiful the way you are  
This one's for the girls  
Who love without holding back  
Who dream with everything they have  
All around the world  
This one's for the girls  
Yeah, this one's for the girls**_

All was silent. There was a little clapping the in audience, for they were highly unsure how to respond to that preformance.

"WOOOOOOO!" Cheered Marie. "GIRL POWER! That was all right, I mean right theme, wrong key!"

"It stunk." Paul and Graem clearly stung by the whole ordeal. "C'mon! That was SO sexist!"

"How?" Diane and Carrie asked.

"I don't really know." Graem said. "It just WAS. SO SHUT UP AND GET OVER YOURSELF!"

"GOD Graem. CHILL!" Paul growled. "Pookiebear, did you like it?"

"Yes, very much!" Audrey replied.

"Well, I guess it was all right then." Paul said.

"Okay. Moving on." LBP said. "HEY! WE'VE GOT ONE AUDITION LEFT TONIGHT! DO YOU KNOW HOW AWESOME THIS IS? I CAN GO HOME SOON!"

"MUAHAHAHA!" Milo cackled, standing over an unconscious Bill. "I HAVE MY CROWBAR AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!"

"You've had your crowbar back Milo!" LBP hollered. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"I'M GOING TO KNOCK YOU UNCONSCIOUS AND TAKE OVER THE SHOW!" Milo hollered.

"YEAH?!? OVER MY DEAD BODY YOU WILL!" SassyLostie hollered and jumped on the stage. "BRING IT MILO! I GOT KUNG FU SKILLZ SON!"

Milo stared for a moment. Then he ran in another direction, screaming like a little girl.

"BILLYWILLY!" Screamed Karen, nearly falling on top of Bill.

"He's not dead." LBP said. "Wait. Is he? PLEASE NOT ANOTHER DEAD PERSON!"

"He's alive." Tony said, coming out of nowhere.

"Phew," LBP said, nearly breaking down in hysterics. "Okay, guess what peeps? I've figured out when Broadway week is. Next time, which actually be 'tomorrow' believe it or not will be our results show. Four groups are going home. Then, we break up the guys and the girls next week. One week will be girls. Then the week after will be guys. Then it'll be the results show when we vote three people off. THEN it'll be Broadway week! And Tony, assuming you make it that far, I know what you're going to sing. Assuming you make it that far."

"Why wouldn't he make it that far?" Charlieh07 asked.

"Good question. Everybody here loves him." LBP responded. Cheers erupted from the audience to make her words ring with conviction. "Anyway, here are two people that nobody really loves. Richard Walsh and Lee Castle singing You Get What You Give by the New Radicals."

Walsh and Castle went up to the microphones. Everyone was staring at them with big, beady eyes.

"That's creepy." Walsh said.

"Very." Said Lee. "LET'S SING LIKE THE LITTLE CHORUS GIRLS WE ARE!"

"I don't know about you, Lee, but I am not a chorus girl." Said Richard Walsh.

"YES YOU ARE!" Screamed Nina, Jamey, Tony and Jack in unison.

Walsh glared at them, but they glared right back.

"LET'S GO!" Screamed Milo. "I GOT JELLY IN MY UNDERPANTS!"

"TOO MUCH INFO!" Everybody screamed.

(_Walsh_/**Castle**/_**Together**_)

**Wake up kids**  
_We've got the dreamers disease_  
**Age 14 we got you down on your knees**  
_So polite, you're busy still saying please_  
**Fri - enemies, who when you're down ain't your friend**  
**Every night we smash their Mercedes - Benz  
First we run and then we laugh till we cry**  
_But when the night is falling  
And you cannot find the light_  
_**If you feel your dream is dying**_

_**Hold tight  
You've got the music in you  
Don't let go  
You've got the music in you  
One dance left  
This world is gonna pull through  
Don't give up  
You've got a reason to live  
Can't forget you only get what you give  
Four a. m. we ran a miracle mile  
Were flat broke but hey we do it in style  
The bad rich  
God's flying in for your trial**_

**This whole damn world can fall apart**

_You'll be ok follow your heart_  
**You're in harms way  
**_I'm right behind_

**Now Say You're Mine**

**_Fly high  
What's real can't die  
You only get what you give  
Just dont be afraid to leave  
Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying  
Fake computer crashes dining  
Cloning while they're multiplying  
Fashion mag shoots  
With the aid of 8 dust brothers Beck, Hanson  
Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson  
You're all fakes  
Run to your mansions  
Come around  
We'll kick your ass in!  
Don't let go  
One dance left_**

**_Championed by a soulless media misleading  
People unaware they're bleeding  
No one with a brain is believing  
It's so sad you lost the meaning  
Never knew it anyway  
Human natures so predictable  
I'm a fool to do your dirty work whoa, whoa_**

Everything was silent. No one spoke. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Milo's crowbar went flying and smacked Walsh in the head, knocking him unconscious. Castle ran away, screaming like the little chorus girl he was.

"That sucked." Graem said.

"All right, viewers, reviewers, this is where we need you! In your review, please let me know the four groups you wanted voted off for next week's show." LBP cried. "See you 'tomorrow' for our results show! Goodnight!"

"I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!" Jack screamed.

"JACK!" Screamed Chloe. "GET DOWN NOW!"

"Yes Chloe." Jack muttered.

* * *

**All right! Now is when I need you to review now then I normally do. Because I can't start the new chapter without your help! In your review, you must name the four groups you want voted off for the next chapter. If you can, just put:**

**1. -group you want voted off-**

**2. -group you want voted off-**

**3. -group you want voted off-**

**4. -group you want voted off-**

**That would help a lot with the process. Now remember, these are the groups you want VOTED OFF. I repeat, VOTED OFF. Also if you want to, include the moments/songs you liked! Um, this next chapter should not really take THAT long, depending on how many people vote. Please, readers, vote or else it will take me awhile to get the chapter up.**


	9. Results Show I

**A/N: Merry Christmas all! The date of this chapter release was up in the air for the longest time. Luckily, I got to work on it a bit. Anyway, here we are, THE FIRST RESULTS SHOW! You know what's amazing? I never actually thought we'd get to this point. I thought no one would like it, or I'd have quit writing it by now. But no, here I am, writing. All 82 reviews have meant a lot to me, and I just want to take this time and thank you all. Merry Christmas, once again.**

**Reviewer Replies:**

**DracoMalfoylover113: You're very good about reviewing, you know that? Anyway, voting is fun. Voting for anything is fun in general.**

**SassyLostie: Who DOESN'T hate the 'Live Together, Die Alone' quote? Remember, Rose threatened to beat up Jack if he said that. Man, that was funny. Anyway, you're not mean. You're just hyper.**

**Tiana: Sure! I just have to figure out when the reviewers are going to sing! Here's a Happy Meal and erm . . . I dunno, we'll see. I'll have to look at the lyrics first.**

**House24Fan: YES! ANOTHER LONG REVIEW! I will reply to some of your comments again.**

**Not a fan of Martina- GASP! How can you NOT be a fan of Martina? She's my friend's aunt, actually. I met her, and I got to go into her private tour bus. **

**Jack Jumping Around in the Rafters- YES! There is more of that in this chapter as well as another Audrey slam. AND a Morris slam. Sorta. You'll see.**

**PotO Reference- Again, another one in this chapter. :D**

**I would respond to more, but I'm just feeling lazy right now, so please don't be offended!**

**twentyfour.mad- Ha, you still have Missus Whiskers. And yes, you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you get what you need.**

**charlieh07- YAY! I'm glad you liked it and it made you giggle! I laugh, thinking about Samwise shakin' it to Hips Don't Lie.**

**andbingwashisnamo: Singing and randomness is fun. Luckily, it didn't eat your comment, so no one has to die painfully.**

**Vadergirl2006: You got Josh! Which sucks for me cuz I have no boyfriend. Lemee guess, you wanna sing a song with either Josh or Tony? We'll see. I have to figure out when that chapter is gonna be.**

**Stratus5: YEAH SHADOW! Anyway, yes, Jack jumping around the rafters is amazing because it's something Jack would do. I was feeling random and hyper (and listening to Spider Pig) so I just put that in there.**

**Happyhoolgain2001: We'll just have to see who gets voted off. And Chloe is just awesome. There are so many awesome Chloe moments in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! Okay? Are we clear? We better be.**

_

* * *

_

_Results Show!_

LBP could hardly believe it. It was the first results show. They were really about to let some of the groups get voted off. It was so surreal. And yet . . . at the same time, it was perfectly normal. In a weird sense.

"GUESS WHAT?" Kim said excitedly, breaking LBP's train of thought.

"What?" LBP groaned.

"I GOT SINGING LESSONS!" She continued.

"Wow. Uh, are you any good?" LBP asked curiously.

"That's rude." Tony said.

"Is not." LBP said.

"Is too." Josh said, now in chains, next to Vadergirl2006.

"Shut up!" Hissed LBP, wounded deeply by Josh's not-really betrayal.

"I'm all alone, there's no one there beside me." Milo moaned, depressed. "My problems have all grown and there's no one to deride me, but you got to have friends!"

"STOP SINGING! HOLY CRAP! NO WONDER YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS!" Hissed Audrey.

"Wait, are we on the air?" LBP asked.

"Yes." The producer replied.

"OH SHIT! Whoops, not supposed to say that on television. GUYS! WE'RE LIVE RIGHT NOW!" LBP cried. In a mad daze, all the finalists approached their places on stage.

"You're so unprofessional." Mandy sneered.

"SHUT UP!" LBP hissed. Turning to the camera, she beamed. "Sorry about that folks! Parents, if any of your children were watching, please excuse us for our moment of coarse language. I'm really sorry about that."

"GET ON WITH IT!" Screamed Mandy.

LBP twitched. "Welcome to 24 Idol!" She said with gritted teeth. "Please join me in welcoming our judges, Graem Bauer," She paused at Graem's name, only to gape. "Cameras, turn on Graem please." She said, barely getting the words out.

Graem's hair . . . was . . . NORMAL.

"NO WAY!" Screeched all of the reviewers.

"But I thought! THE DYE! AND WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" Cried House24Fan. Several people gave her a pat on the shoulder.

"I KNOW! WE REAPPLIED NEW DYE! AND NOW HIS HAIR IS NORMAL!" LBP wailed.

"Dude. You planned a covert operation without us?" SassyLostie asked. "Uncool."

"AND NO FAIR EITHER!" Howled andbingowashisnamo.

Happyhooligan2001 shrugged nonchalantly.

"Stick to the status quo, stick with what you know." Sung Stratus5 softly. "Oh wait, you planned an operation without us? 'Ello? What's all this then?"

LBP silently laughed. "Speaking of Bop to the Top, we really need to get back to the show!" She exclaimed.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Everyone asked.

"It doesn't. The point is, we're on _live T.V and we really need to get back to the show!_" LBP said urgently.

"Why?" Jack asked.

"Long story." LBP said, with a head jerk to the audience.

"I don't get it." Audrey said.

"Of course you don't!" Teri exclaimed. "You're a bimbo! You don't get anything!"

LBP jerked her head more urgently to the audience.

"OH! I GET IT!" Tony exclaimed excitedly.

"You DO?" Everyone exclaimed, turning their heads to look at Tony.

"Yeah. The people from scheduling are here and Mr. Foxy isn't." Tony explained.

"Not that we don't LOVE the people from scheduling." LBP said with the phoniest grin on her face. "Anyway, back to the show. Please join me in welcoming Graem Bauer." LBP flinched as she said his name, only to look at his sickeningly normal hair. "Marie Warner." Marie beamed and waved at everybody, including the people from scheduling. "And Paul Raines." Paul was missing. "And PAUL RAINES!" LBP exclaimed loudly. Her earphone beeped.

"Paul has the flu. He can't make it tonight." The producer said.

LBP groaned, "So then, who is our third judge?"

"ME!" Cackled a voice.

"AHHH!" Exclaimed LBP. "IT'S BERHOOZ!"

"OHMYGOD! IT'S BERHOOZ!" Squealed SassyLostie.

"OHMYGOD! I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THAT IS!" Squealed Stratus5.

Everyone turned to stare at her. "Are you kidding me? You don't know that Godliness that is Berhooz?" DracoMalfoylover113 asked.

"Nope. The only characters I know are Tony, Michelle, and Jack. If those three." Stratus5 replied.

"I'M GOD!" Tony wailed aloud.

"I asked her to be here so you all better shut up." LBP growled. "Oh damn! Not supposed to tell people to shut up on live television. OH WELL!"

"YOU ALL EVERYBODY! YOU ALL EVERYBODY! ACTING LIKE STUPID PEOPLE, WEARIN' EXPENSIVE CLOTHES!" SassyLostie sang at the top of her lungs.

"HEY! IT'S MY JOB TO SING RANDOM SONGS OUT OF NOWHERE!" cried andbingowashisnamo.

"Do you even know that song?" SassyLostie asked.

"No." Answered andbingowashisnamo.

"MOVING ON!" LBP said. "Our third judge tonight, since Paul Raines can't be here, is Berhooz Araz. It just took us THREE PAGES to introduce the judges." LBP cried aloud with frustration. "Okay, so I think I mentioned this before, but I'm going to mention it again. Tonight is the Results show. Last night, you voted the four groups you wanted to be sent home. Tonight, we find out who they are."

A moment of dramatic silence fell over the audience, and LBP grinned in spite of herself. Dramatic silences always made her grin. And then they made her laugh. Usually in that order. But then there were those REALLY dramatic silences that made her cry (A/N: Yes, extremely dramatic silences make me cry. Like when George Mason gave over control of CTU to Tony and there was the silent clock. . . I bawled).

"Michelle, Tony, David Palmer, and Jon Keeler. Step forward please." LBP announced.

"We got voted off." Keeler sulked, breaking the dramatic tension.

"I didn't even get to say anything yet." LBP exclaimed.

"Yeah? Well we're going up against TONY AND MICHELLE." Keeler said.

"He has a point. He IS going against the best duo on this show." Tony said.

"You're ruining my job. You're going to get me fired." LBP growled.

"WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!" Exclaimed House24Fan. "You can get FIRED?"

"Yes, just like any normal person I can get fired." LBP said with a shrug.

"No. Wai." House24Fan said, her eyes wide.

"Yeah wai." Stratus5 said.

"Michelle and Tony." LBP interrupted loudly. "Marie said it oozed passion and fire and it was awesome. She doubted if Michelle were a better singer than Nina, but she said she loved it nevertheless. Paul said it had soul, it was beautiful and he started crying. Graem said it was terrible."

The audience held their breath and LBP giggled on the inside. Honestly, they really expected _Michelle and Tony _to be voted off in the first week? LBP then turned to David Palmer and Jon Keeler.

"Palmer and Keeler." LBP began again. "Everyone hated you Keeler, especially our judges. On the contrary David, everyone loved you."

"LIKE A TURKEY SANDWICH WITH RANCH DRESSING!" Screamed andbingowashisnamo. Several people blinked and LBP's eye twitched.

"ANYWAY. I can tell the four of you that . . . you are safe." LBP announced. Michelle jumped up and down and threw her arms around Tony's neck. Keeler nearly fainted and David let out a breath of relief, knowing he would not have to go film All-State Commercials anytime soon. "We'll see you after our last group has been voted off." Several people cheered as Michelle and Tony shared a quick kiss on stage before leaving.

"Show off." Jack muttered. Several people giggled at this.

"Did I mention that our bottom six groups are in the danger zone?" LBP asked. Several people shook their heads. "I didn't? Well, the bottom six groups will be in our danger zone and will have to dance for their lives. No wait, wrong show. That's 'So You Think You Can Dance'. Two of those six groups will be safe. The other four, are going home. And if Mandy's one of them, she's going to federal prison for killing Allyson Bauer."

The audience applauded at this remark.

"So. This brings us to our next groups. Mandy and Nicole." LBP began. Boos followed their names. "Adam and Chloe, and Chase and Tom, will you join me over here please?" The three groups approached. "I can tell you that two out of these three groups is in the danger zone. Chloe and Adam, step forward." They did so. "Now, how well do you think you guys did last night?"

"I think we did pretty well." Adam said.

"Well enough to stay in the competition?" LBP asked.

Adam did not reply, so Chloe did, "No."

"Wow, you guys are pessimistic." LBP said, lifting her eyebrows. "Step back please." They did. "Chase and Tom, step forward please." They did so. "How about you guys? How well do you think you did?"

"I think we did great!" Tom exclaimed.

Chase sighed. "We're getting voted off, aren't we?"

"No we're not!" Tom cheered. "Be positive!"

"You were DRUNK!" Chase exclaimed. "And you're probably drunk right now too! No wonder you were fired from CTU!"

"SHUT UP!" Tom screamed.

"OOHH! TOM GOT OWNED!" Screamed Tiana.

"OWNAGE!" Screamed Stratus5.

"YEAH BOIIIIIII!" Screamed House24Fan.

"Who do you think you are? Flavor Flav?" happyhooligan2001 asked.

"Maybe she IS Flavor Flav . . ." SassyLostie said.

"Yeah, and this is secretly Flavor of Love." Charlieh07 chuckled.

"No." Vadergirl2006 said, still clinging to Josh's arm.

"EHEM!" Screamed LBP. "Now, it didn't help your case that Tom was drunk. And I have to tell you . . . you two are a part of our bottom six groups."

Tom gasped with shock and Chase just rolled his eyes. "NO!" Tom screamed. "SAY IT ISN'T SO!"

"It's so. Go to the left side of the stage please. Mandy and Nicole, step forward." Nicole did, but Mandy headed over to the left side of the stage with Tom and Chase. "Mandy . . . what the HELL are you doing?" LBP asked.

"Everyone hates us. It's obvious we're in the bottom six." Mandy growled.

"Well you just saved me two minutes. Thanks! Congratulations Chloe and Adam, you are safe!" LBP announced.

"I'm so happy I could almost hug Adam!!" Chloe cried.

"Almost?" Adam asked hopefully.

Chloe thought for a moment. "Yes. Almost."

Adam went backstage, his head hung low. "Oh Maya!" He called, heading toward the NBC studio.

LBP sighed and shook her head. "Poor Adam. He needs a hug. Hey, Chloe, when he gets voted off, will you give him a hug?"

Chloe's eye twitched.

"I guess not . . ." LBP said, lifting her eyebrows. "ANYWAY. Next up, can we have Nina and Jamey, Audrey and Milo and Walsh and Castle."

Milo and Audrey exchanged a nervous glance as they stepped forward with the other groups. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap." Milo muttered under his breath.

"I LOVE YOU MILO!" SassyLostie screamed.

"Really?" Milo asked hopefully.

"No!" SassyLostie replied.

"Damn!" Milo hissed.

"I LOVE YOU MILO!" Screamed Nadia.

"REALLY?" He called back.

"YES!" Nadia squealed.

"MKAY!" Milo called. "WE CAN GO MAKE OUT AFTER THE SHOW!"

"SOUNDS GREAT!"

"I MAY BE BLIND BUT I CAN STILL HEAR YOU TWO!" Screamed Doyle.

"Yeah, he's like DareDevil son."LBP said. "Okay, you six. I can tell you that your fates are the same. You are all either safe, or in our bottom six. Milo and Audrey, step forward please? Wait, I actually realized one group will be spared, but whatevs, LOL."

"SORRY I'M LATE!" Twentyfour.mad broke down the door to the studio, Missus Whiskers en tow.

"MISSUS WHISKERS!" Bill and Karen screamed in unison.

Twentyfour.mad blinked and then ran off in a random direction with Bill, Karen, and thousands of nameless agents trailing her. "MUAHAHAHAHA!" cackled Twentyfour.mad evilly.

"Na na na that don't kill me, can only make me stronger, I need you to hurry up, cuz I can't wait much longer." Milo sung under his breath.

"HAHAHAHA!" SassyLostie laughed. "He's singing KANYE WEST!" Audrey groaned, wondering exactly how she got into this situation.

"ANYWAY!" Exclaimed LBP, not really enjoying being interrupted every five seconds. "Two groups are in the danger zone. One group is safe. The lyrics to songs in the previous chapters keep getting messed up. Two groups are in the danger zone. Wait, I said this already."

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Screamed Berhooz at Castle. "IT'S YOU! YOOUU! YOU TRIED TO KILL MY MOMMY!"

"NO I DIDN'T! YOUR FATHER TRIED TO KILL YOUR MOMMY! GET YOUR FREAKIN' HEAD ON STRAIGHT!" Castle howled.

"YOOUUU!" Began andbingowashisnamo, joined by SassyLostie, Stratus5, and anyone else that knows this song. "SOULJA BOY OFF IN THIS HOE! WATCH ME CRANK IT! WATCH ME ROLL! WATCH ME CRANK IT! WATCH ME ROLL! NOW SUPERMAN!

"Soulja wha?" Happyhooligan2001 asked. Many people stared at him with the, "I don't know you anymore" look.

"What's Soulja Boy?" Cried House24Fan, outraged. She stopped, in the middle of the Soulja Boy dance to stare at happyhooligan2001. "What's SOULJA BOY?" She repeated again.

And then of course Milo started to sing it, causing everyone in the vicinity to either stare at him, or start dancing.

"SHUT UP!" LBP howled. "SHUT UP OR I KEEL YOU!" She calmed down. "Now, Audrey and Milo, Graem said it was awful, Marie said it was horrendous, Paul said he loved you Audrey. How do you two think we did?"

"Well!" Milo began. "I thought we were downright amazing. You see, it was destiny that Audrey I would sing together."

Audrey sighed. "I think destiny decided we belong in the bottom six."

"You would be right Audrey. Audrey and Milo, I'm sorry to say . . . you two are in our bottom six."

"What?" Asked Milo.

"WHAT?!?" Screamed Nadia.

"Wot?" Asked Jack Sparrow.

LBP glared at Jack Sparrow and he waltzed away. "So yes Audrey and Milo. Please go to the left side of the stage. Nina and Jamey, please step forward."

"Oh great." Muttered Nina. "Here we go."

"Graem said it was awesome. Paul said Nina was taking away the limelight. Marie said there was power behind it. And she liked the jokes about Jack. But that's what the judges think. How do you two think you did?"

"Because the world is absolutely obsessed with Jack, I don't think we did very well." Nina said bluntly.

"The world loves us Nina. Who cares about Jack?" Jamey asked.

"Step back please." Ordered LBP. "Walsh, Castle, step forward or I weel keel you." They stepped forward warily. "I think my ears bled after your performance yesterday! But that's not important! How do you think you did?"

"LYKE OMG!" Walsh screamed. "WE WERE LYKE SOOO AMAZING!"

"Castle?" Questioned LBP.

"Yeah . . . we suck." Castle muttered.

"Step back please gentlemen." LBP paused once again, for dramatic effect. "Walsh and Castle." She began. "You two . . . are in our bottom six. Congratulations Nina and Jamey, you're safe."

"WE'RE SAFE?!?" Nina screamed delightedly. "WE ACTUALLY MADE IT PAST A ROUND! PRAISE TERRORISTS!"

"So in the danger zone we have Chase and Tom, Mandy and Nicole, Audrey and Milo, and Walsh and Castle. Who will join them? I honestly don't care at this point." LBP said. "Who else has to step forward? OH RIGHT! Kate and George, Sarah and Lynn, Claudia and Henderson, and finally, Diane and Carrie will you please step forward?"

They did as she commanded. The audience applauded politely, as any audience should do. However, DracoMalfoylover113 (who I've seemingly neglected in this chapter. Sorry!), Tiana (whom I've also seemingly neglected in this chapter), SassyLostie, Happyhooligan2001, and charlieh07 all screamed in unison, "HOBBIT!"

Which led to a think wailing of, "CHHHARRRLLLIIIIEEEEEEE!" From LBP and SassyLostie. People who didn't watch Lost, just stared. However, those who did watch Lost momentarily joined into the mourning of Charlie. "DAMON AND CARLTON BRING HIM BACK!"

After that subliminal messaging was finished, LBP turned to her contestants. "Listen up ya'll, cuz this is it! The beat that I'm bringing is delicious. Delicious? Why does it sound like Will.I.Am is saying 'This beat that I'm bringing has done this shit'?" LBP asked.

But of course, Lynn and Sarah had to continue with their duet of ultimate freakiness, "Fergalicious definition makes them boys go loco! They want my treasure so they get their pleasure from my photo! You can see me, you can't squeeze me! I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy! I got reasons why I tease 'em, boys just come and go like seasons!"

"ENOUGH!" Berhooz howled. "You suck!"

"..." Graem said, although technically he didn't say anything. "We're not judging them. Why are we even here again?"

"Because." LBP said. "The producers said so."

"Then why's Berhooz here?" Marie asked.

"Because Berhooz just fails at life."

"I AM THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA! MAUAHAHAHA!" Jack cackled from, you guessed it, in the rafters.

"NO!" Howled LBP and House24Fan. "YOU'RE NOT!"

"Nice cape." Stratus5 said.

"It's not his cape." Tiana said.

"Is too!" Cried Stratus5.

"Is NOT!" Retorted Tiana.

"IS TOO!"

"IS NOT!"

"IS TOO!"

"THIS! IS! MY CAPE!" Howled Gerard Butler. Jack's eyes widened at the very intimidating Scottish actor/Spartan King/Phantom of the Opera standing before him.

"Eeep." Jack squeaked. No, your mind is not playing tricks on you. Jack Bauer, in fact, squeaked. Spartan King stole Milo's crowbar and proceeded to chase Jack down the hallway with it.

Suddenly, a rabid man in a suit leaped on to the stage, snarling and growling at LBP. It was a man from scheduling. LBP shrieked like the terrified adolescent she was and ran around the stage in circles. Until Morris actually did some good for once and knocked the dog/rabid man unconscious with his fat, thick skull.

"Morris!" Gasped LBP. "You actually saved me . . . ew."

"Don't expect it again." Morris warned. "That was probably my once in a lifetime moment that I did something right." Chloe awkwardly patted his shoulder, her face screwed up in distaste. Jack momentarily return to sweep Chloe off her feet and Jack sprinted down a hallway, away from Spartan King, carrying Chloe.

"YES!" Cheered House24Fan.

"Anyway, these are our final four groups. Two of them will be going into our bottom si- HENDERSON! QUIT COPYING MANDY AND GET OVER HERE!" LBP growled.

"Why should I listen to you?" Henderson growled lightly.

"Cuz we'll kill you if you don't." Tony, Michelle, and David Palmer all growled in unison.

"TONY!" Screamed many, if not all, of the reviewers.

"MICHELLE!" Cheered several people, including Bill and LBP.

"WHOOOO! DAVID PALMER!" Cheered a lone voice in the back of the studio. There was a pause, and then several more people joined in the cheering of David Palmer.

"Wait!" LBP cried, causing everyone to stare at her. "You can't kill Henderson!" People gasped in outrage and someone even booed her. "Listen to me! You can't kill Henderson until he's voted off! It's studio regulation. See?"

She pointed to a small white board with huge red lettering on the side of the stage that read, "Attention Employees. You CAN NOT, I repeat, CAN NOT murder any of our reality show contestants until they are voted off said show, no matter how evil they are. The people of Foxy Company want their hands clean, and killing contestants will mean we have to wash our hands."

"We killed Stephen Saunders." Said Vadergirl2006.

"Hence why that board was put up." LBP said. "Besides, Henderson is technically a 'finalist', so we kinda have to keep him alive." She added, with an evil giggle, "For now."

Happyhooligan2001 suddenly understood what LBP meant and announced, "Reviewers! We attack after the show!"

"Who died and made y- OH!" House24Fan caught on, her eyebrows shooting up at the revelation. Stratus5 spread the word of the attack after the show. Tiana climbed onto the stage and whispered something in Michelle's ear. Michelle nodded and whispered in Tony's ear. Vadergirl2006 whispered something into Josh's ear and he grudgingly nodded. Charlieh07 went off to go get some metal bats. Andbingowashisnamo went off to go get some more crowbars. SassyLostie went to get Mr. Snuggles. Milo tried to follow her, put Audrey had him held by his ear with her long, sharp fingernails, so every time he tried to move, it didn't quite work and proved to be quite painful. Twentyfour.mad finally returned from being chased by Bill and Karen, Missus Whiskers still en tow. Dracomalfoylover113 went to go get a wand. Since it was a homemade one, it didn't cast any spells. However, it WAS a sharp pointy stick and that would do just fine.

In that chaos and confusion that was reviewer action, Henderson managed to drag Claudia over to the bottom six. "Okay, whatever." LBP shrugged. "Two of you three groups are safe. Obviously, if you subtract two from three, you get one. That one will be headed for our bottom six." LBP paused. "Carrie and Diane, step forward please."

"It's us, isn't it?" Diane bursted out. "NO! YOU CAN'T VOTE ME OFF! I HAVE TO SUPPORT MY SON! MY SOONNN!"

"Umm, no one said anything about getting you voted off yet. Relax lady." LBP said. "Anyvay, Marie loved it, even though you guys were singing in the wrong key. Graem and Paul said it was sexist. Diane and Carrie . . . step back for a moment please." LBP announced, much to the chagrin of everyone reading and watching in the studio. LBP decided to toy with her prey a little longer. "George and Kate, will you step forward please?"

Kate and George exchanged a wary glance and stepped forward. "You were always my favorite host." George said, in a weird attempt to let LBP not vote them off.

"This is the first show of its kind, and the first season of this show. I'm the only host to be loved." LBP muttered. "Anyway, the judges said it was horrible. The reviewers booed them. What does this mean for you? Why the heck am I asking you that? George and Kate . . . I'm sorry . . . you're safe!"

"YES!" Cheered Marie and ran up on stage to give her sister a hug. It's moments like these where you wonder why they were ever mad at each other in the first place. And then you think about season 2. And then you remember.

Kate was crying and hugging George at the same time and Jack gave her a supportive pat on her back. Before being chased by a mob made up of all his former girlfriends. And Chloe. Because Chloe is just amazing like that.

"Lynn and Sarah, Diane and Carrie. One of you is going to our bottom six. The other is going on to the next round. Lynn and Sarah, will you step forward please?" And for at least the twentieth time this chapter, they did so. "Now Sarah and Lynn, Graem said it was horrendous, and the other judges failed to comment. How do you think you did?"

"I honestly thought we did well. But if the reviewers decided that we don't go on to the next round, then we don't." Lynn said calmly.

"Aww . . . HE'S SO NOBLE!" Cooed LBP. She continued, "Diane and Carrie, will you come join us again please?" Not waiting for them to step forward she pressed on, "Diane and Carrie . . . you are . . . safe. Lynn and Sarah, you're in our bottom six."

Sarah and Lynn walked over to the left side of the stage, while LBP followed them. "Judges, these are our bottom six groups. Claudia and Henderson, Mandy and Nicole, Walsh and Castle, Audrey and Milo, Lynn and Sarah, and Tom and Chase. Are you surprised about any of these?"

"Actually yes, I'm quite surprised that Audrey and Milo are here." Graem said. "Even though their performance was horrible, it was much better than some of the other performances last night."

LBP nodded. "Marie?" She asked.

Marie shook her head. "No, I'm not really surprised that any of these groups are here. Audrey and Milo were good, but just not good enough to make the cut."

"And since Paul isn't here tonight, Berhooz?" LBP asked.

"You all sucked. Your performances were terrible."

"WE'RE NOT JUDGING ANYONE!" Screamed Marie and Graem.

"Sarah and Lynn, and Tom and Chase, will you step forward please?" LBP said, the growling from the scheduling people telling her that the two hours they had given her were slowly waning. "You four have the same fate, and that will ultimately alter the fates of the other eight contestants." She paused again. "Sarah, Lynn, Tom and Chase . . . you are all safe."

Upon those words, a mass of federal agents came into arrest Mandy and Nicole. The reviewers began pelting Henderson with tomatoes. Those who had brought weapons, grinned evilly. Audrey stared with her mouth open, and Milo burst into tears. Then a producer went and told Milo he was allowed to stay alive, while the other contestants who had been killed on 24 disappeared into thin air. And that basically just left Audrey, standing there like a fish out of water. And while that was going on behind her, LBP began to sing. And because this is not real life and is in fact a fanfiction, she sang well.

_Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road  
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go  
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why  
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time _

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.  
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind  
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time  
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial  
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.  
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.  
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.  
I hope you had the time of your life. 

"LBP . . ." Berhooz began. "That was the worst performance ever."

"WE'RE NOT JUDGING ANYONE!" Hollered Graem and Marie, proceeding to smack him with left over styrofoam hands.

* * *

**The song at the end of the chapter was Good Riddance (Time of Your Lives) by Green Day. I don't know why I used it exactly, but I thought it would work. Paul will be back judging in the next chapter. So . . . eh, I don't really know when the next chapter will be up but keep your eyes out for it. Okay? Okay. Review, tell me what you liked, what you hated, WHATEVER! Once again, Happy Holidays, and see you in '08! **


	10. Chick Week!

**A/N: Did you miss me? I've only been writing this chapter since Christmas, and to be honest, I hope you think it's good. I tried really hard to be funny, but you'll have to tell me if it was funny enough for the -shudders- eight month long wait. So, I'll move quickly onto the reviewer replies! I recently finished a 24 threeshot called 'Breathe No More', as well. Sorry it took so long to update this!**

**Reviewer Replies:**

**Tiana: Umm . . . what qualifies as soon? Hope you enjoy this chapter, I think it's hilarious.**

**House24Fan: I love you and your long reviews. In this chapter there will be Audrey slams, some PotO references, some Chlack, and some other stuff that I hope you quote in your upcoming review. I look forward to your review . . . whenever that might be.**

**bunhead-luvs24: Thank you so much! I hope you this chapter just as much as the rest of the story.**

**Stratus5: You're just full of win. That's all I have to say.**

**Vadergirl2006: We're gonna save that for the finale. Whenever that might be. And as I think I told you before, I don't mind you printing it out. I have to warn you though, the end of this chapter makes it 208 pages on my computer.**

**HeavensNight: ...You'll see later how much of a compliment that is coming from you.**

**happyhooligan2001: I hope you don't mind, but I think I poked fun at your age during one part. I don't mean it out of disrespect, I swear. Your review made me giggle, slightly. :)**

**twentyfour.mad: You've helped onto Missus Whiskers for so long that I think Mr. Snuggles and the crowbar have taken a backseat. They'll be back next chapter, don't worry.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own 24, or any of the songs I use. The songs I use are owned by their respective owners. **

* * *

_End of Last Week's Show_

"Erm, LBP . . . am I allowed to stay?" Audrey asked, once the cameras had turned off. LBP turned around sharply, eyes alight with obvious confusion. Why was Audrey asking this now of all times? "For the rest of the competition? I know I'm not competing . . . or one of your favorite people right now."

"Audrey," LBP began. "WTF? Sure you can stay. If I had wanted you to go, I would've let you know that by now! Come to think of it, I actually need to get Claudia back from the realm of the dead characters. Wanna come?"

"Me? You're actually asking me to come on a crazy adventure with you? Why not Michelle? Or Nina? Or Chloe? HELL! I'm after Chloe on the list of cool people?"

"Err, you're after Kim." LBP said, looking at her feet. "But yes, I want you to come. Michelle and Tony are making out, Nina's trying to figure out which guy she likes more: Tony or Jack, Chloe's busy flirting with Jack, Kim's busy trying to figure out how to use an oven, Jamey's stalking Milo, and everyone else isn't good enough to go on this mission! No wait, I forgot Teri. Erm, Teri's too busy plotting to extract her revenge on Nina." The psychotic teenager nodded. "So that just leaves you. Or I'll go by myself which could prove to be bad, considering I don't have many friends there. Alexis Drazen, for one, he's been out to get me ever since I called his death."

Audrey stared at her, mouth slightly agape. "Yeah . . . that explains so much about you." She said distantly. Audrey looked slightly disturbed at the notion of going to the underworld and seeing dead villains. "So we're going to retrieve Claudia and risk being killed by dead people . . . why?"

"Because the show's not the same without all of Jack's girlfriends." Growled LBP. "You of all people should know that."

"What about the reviewers?" Audrey asked, trying her hardest to buy her way out of this.

"Busy killing Christopher Henderson. Even though he's dead. They're maiming his lifeless corpse." LBP nodded eagerly. "I told them to save me a piece of Christopher Henderson that I could maim."

"Sure he was evil, but maiming his corpse?" Audrey asked quietly. "That's disrespectful of you lot, isn't it?"

"Sure it's disrespectful." LBP said uncomfortably. "But he killed Tony and Michelle. Not to mention he killed David Palmer. When you have a room filled with Tony, Michelle and David lovers, and Christopher Henderson is in that same room . . . well bad things are going to happen to the dude. C'mon, let's go."

Audrey would not relent, "How are you gonna get there? How does one get to the realm of Dead Characters without being . . . well, dead?"

"Don't question me, Audrey." LBP said haughtily. "Nothing good ever comes of it. For example, you know Judge Turpin, from Sweeney Todd?" Audrey nodded, eyebrows knitted together in confusion and concern. "Well, let's just say it wasn't the Beadle who brought him to Sweeney Todd's barber shop. It's just one of many fates of those who question me."

"Do I want to know the others?" Audrey asked nervously.

LBP thought for a moment. "No. You don't. Let's go." LBP proceeded out of the studio, Audrey following close behind. "Milo!"LBP snapped, stopping short after just three steps outside of the studio. "Stop hiding behind that garbage can! I know Jamey's a little scary-."

"A little?" Screamed Milo. "She's following my every move. The only way I could get rid of her was asking her to get Mister Snuggles back from SassyLostie!"

"SassyLostie left." LBP said quietly. "She went to go find Sawyer, from Lost. So . . . she's gonna be gone for a week or so. And we need Jamey next week!" Milo's face paled. "You know, we have to focus on one mission at a time. Milo, can I trust you to get Jamey back?"" Milo nodded again and disappeared into the studio again. LBP and Audrey picked up their pace again, heading to . . . a place. Audrey had no idea where they were going.

They were heading into a bad neighborhood. How did Audrey notice this? There was a huge sign that said 'BAD NEIGHBORHOOD' above an alleyway. LBP went in without hesitation. Audrey tried to follow, but there was a barrier. She crashed right into the barrier and fell backwards. LBP rolled her eyes as she kept walking. "You cannot be afraid Audrey." LBP called, without looking back. "The barrier senses fear and if you are afraid, it will know."

"Did you put this barrier here?" Audrey asked irritated. "Because you're afraid of mice."

"I am NOT. AHHHH! A MOUSE!" LBP squeaked. "So I'm afraid of mice. But I'm not afraid of what lies ahead. You are." Muttering to herself, LBP added, "Teri was right. You are a bimbo." Audrey took in a deep breath, gave her head a shake and strode confidently toward the barrier. Only to be repelled again. LBP shook her head. "I should've taken the reviewers." Grumbled LBP. "Audrey! Go back to the studio! You can't help me here!"

LBP walked further through the dark alleyway. A dark, menacing shadow emerged from behind a garbage can. "Are you ready, LBP? I see you have not brought a sacrifice this time." The man asked.

"WTF are you doing Ryan?" LBP asked Ryan Chappelle.

"You ruin EVERYTHING." Sulked Chappelle. "I wanted to do something dark and mysterious for those cameras following you and you just had to go and kill it."

"Can I just go to the realm of the dead now?" LBP said, crossing her arms. "I have rehearsals to oversee and immense chaos to plan, and I can't dilly dally here." She was filled with an air of seriousness.

"Oh all right." He growled, beckoning LBP down a long flight of stairs that magically appeared out of no where. It was a long spiraling staircase, that reminded LBP of the staircase at the beginning of Kingdom Hearts 2. At the end of said staircase, was a receptionist's desk. Unfortunately for LBP, the receptionist was sick today, and Alexis Drazen was filling in for the receptionist. "Hello Alexis! How are you doing today? You look lovely in that blouse. WAIT WHAT? Why are you wearing a blouse Alexis?" Ryan asked, his eyes wide.

""It's not a blouse Ryan. It's a dress shirt." Alexis growled through his throat, glaring at LBP behind Ryan. "What's she doing here? Did someone kill her? Was it my brother?"

"I'm here for Claudia." LBP said simply. "Just bring her here so I can go back to the world of the living and leave you all alone. And your brother is dead, how can he kill me?"

"Fine, but can I ask you a question?" Alexis asked, glaring at her all the while, disregarding the question about his brother. She nodded and he wailed, "How come I'm not on 24 Idol?" Her eyes widened with surprise as he continued, "I'm a very good singer!"

"Well . . . I do need a mentor person for Broadway week." LBP said after a moment. It was Alexis' turn to be surprised. Ryan rolled his eyes. "Sing for me." She declared to Alexis. She flicked her wrists impatiently and said, "Sing! Sing! I don't have all day!" Alexis sang, and nothing was ever going to be the same. Somewhere, someone had just turned down crack. LBP stared at that last sentence in the invisible prompter and gaped. "That wasn't very appropriate."

_There was a barber and his wife,  
And she was beautiful.  
A foolish barber and his wife.  
She was his reason and his life,  
And she was beautiful,  
And she was virtuous,  
And he was... naive._

_There was another man who saw  
That she was beautiful.  
A pious vulture of the law,  
Who, with a gesture of his claw,  
Removed the barber from his plate,  
Then there was nothing but to wait,  
And she would fall,  
So soft,  
So young,_  
_So lost  
And oh so beautiful!_

LBP asked softly, "And the lady, sir, did she succumb?

Alexis sang back.

_Oh, that was many years ago . . .  
I doubt if anyone would know . . . _

Then he muttered under his breath, "There's a hole in the world like a great black pit. And it's filled with people who are filled with shit. And the vermin of the world inhabit it . . . " He stopped suddenly, and looked up nervously at LBP. Her jaw looked like it was hitting the floor. Her eyebrows were shooting up and her eyes were bugging out of her head. "So, am I in?"

"Hell yeah!" LBP exclaimed. "Get Claudia for me, and I'll be back down here in two weeks or so in order to explain to you what you're doing." Alexis, with renewed energy disappeared behind the office and returned moments later with Claudia. As LBP walked up the Kingdom Hearts 2 staircase, she said aloud, "I don't like the cloud of foreboding hanging over me. Not one bit."

_This week_

"And welcome to 24 Idol!" LBP announced, fighting down the temptation to roll her eyes at the cameras. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Bill and Karen cuddling in a chair backstage, which literally caused her to wheel around, eyes wide and fall right on to her ass. "Ow. That hurt." She declared. "Cameras, turn on Bill and Karen. Aren't they an adorable couple? I mean, they are clearly a Tony/Michelle imitation, but we still love."

"YES!" twentyfour.mad shouted. "THEY ARE! Aren't they Missus Whiskers?" She suddenly cooed to the stuffed cat. Bill and Karen suddenly leapt up and called all agents after twentyfour.mad. "Shit!" She muttered under her breath. "Not again!" So once again, thousands of nameless agents chased twentyfour.mad through the studio, with Bill and Karen leading the charge.

"Okay," LBP said, lifting her eyebrows at the remaining audience. "We're going to have a great show for you tonight. Conan O'Brien's gonna be here." The audience began to cheer and LBP added, "Just kidding. I can't bring actual celebrities to this show. Even though Gerard Butler was here last week. But that was a violation of Fanfiction ToS."

Chloe scowled at LBP which caused bunhead-luvs24 to squeal, "YEAH CHLOE! WHOOO!" Which caused happyhooligan2001 to glare at bunhead-luvs24.

"Hey! I was cheering on Chloe before you did! I had a crew cut in the 70s when no one else did!" He sulked. After a moment, he added, "CHLOE'S GOING TO WIN THIS ENTIRE THING!"

"We'll see about that." LBP said."In the world of fashion, you all know that one day you're in, and the next day you're out."

"Somebody's been watching too much Project Runway." Muttered HeavensNight to Tiana. At the sound of HeavensNight, LBP jerked her head up and stared like a deer in the headlights.

"YOU!" She screamed. "IT'S YOU! HOLY CRAP IT'S YOU!" Her eyes were wide and her mouth was half open and she looked like she was about to burst into tears at any moment. "IT'S YOU! ONLY IN MY WILDEST DREAMS DID I IMAGINE YOU'D BE HERE! Okay, that last sentence sounded a bit stalkerish. But yeah. I almost worshiped you for a while."

"And how come you don't worship any of us?" Vadergirl2006 asked.

"Because you don't write hilariously awesome Lost fics." LBP retorted. "And that's not true. I worship all reviewers. My reviewers are like my minions. No wait. Not like. They are my minions. But that's not the point. The point is, it's chick week everyone! All the girls will be singing a song. Now, we'll be voting off one guy and one girl for our show in two weeks from now, leaving us with sixteen potential villains/CTU agents to become America's first 24 Idol. Because next week is the guy's episode. And we love our hot male studs, don't we?"

All the female reviewers started to go nuts, while happyhooligan2001 just shook his head and yelled rather loudly, "GO CHLOE!"

"TEN BUCKS SAYS DIANE GETS VOTED OFF FIRST!" Screamed Claudia. "OR CARRIE! I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!"

"She was in season 5. You were dead." Jack explained. "Edgar killed her."

"He did not!" House24fan protested. "Morris did!"

"WHAT?" Everyone turned to stare at her.

"Nothing." She said.

"It's a well-known conspiracy that Morris plotted the death of Carrie, so that Edgar would go after her, drop dead, have Shari come in, have Shari removed, and then have Chloe suggest that he take Edgar's job." Stratus5 nodded.

"How the hell did you know that? Do you even know who these people are?" Vadergirl2006 asked. Josh was still in her clutches. His hands were currently tied, as if Vadergirl2006 had no intention of letting him leave her sight.

"Nope. The prompter told me to say it." Stratus5 shrugged. "I still have no idea who any of these people are. Wot's 'appened anyway?" She finished with a distinct British accent.

"Ohmygod. That was SO Mrs. Lovett!" LBP exclaimed. "Speaking of Mrs. Lovett, our first contestant tonight is everyone's favorite villain, Nina Myers! She's singing Closing In by Imogen Heap. Really, Nina? I didn't think you were the Imogen Heap kind of chick."

Graem, Paul (who much to the gratitude of the audience had made a speedy recovery), and Marie applauded as Nina stepped out. Nina looked furious at the world, which surprisingly made Jack swoon. Until Chloe slapped him across the face, Claudia kicked him in the shins, Diane punched him in the face, Audrey scratched him and Teri elbowed him in the head. Am I missing a girlfriend? Probably. OH YEAH! KATE! Oh well, I'm too lazy to give her something to do. Anyway, Nina just gave Jack a glance that was almost asking for attention, and at the same time read 'I hate you'. Like the glares my ex-boyfriend gives me.

"Anyone you'd like to dedicate this song to?" Marie asked, looking at the shiny reflection off of her fingernails.

"Yes. Jack, this is for you. Remember, you did leave your wife for me." Nina growled angrily. Suddenly, the mob of girls that was beating him up, surrounded Jack in a protective barrier. This, for whatever reason that it did, reminded LBP of the movie, Signs.

_I can't wait  
To be with you  
No I just can't sit still,  
Are we there yet?  
Takes me back,  
I remember  
Such a magical place  
It was all you..._

_Closing in  
I hope that you make it  
Closing in  
I hope that you find your way_

_Frame by frame,  
Red speed ahead  
A city dissolving,  
The threat of your love in the headlights  
Is it safe now?  
Will your arms be open?  
I just have to kiss you,  
Try and stop me_

_Closing in  
I hope that you make it_

_Closing in  
I hope that you find your way  
Closing in  
It's all that I want in the whole world  
Closing in  
Please be there, please be there_

_What are you like?  
Where did you get to?  
No word no nothing  
You didn't hold me, for any longer  
Did you walk for the fear of love?  
Or don't you believe enough?  
Well I'll cover both of us  
You can leave that to me!_

_Closing in  
I hope that you make it  
Closing in  
I hope that you find your way  
Closing in...closing in..._

The audience applauded loudly, LBP applauding loudly as well. Tony looked like he was going to applaud, had Michelle not been giving the most steely glare ever. In the meantime, Bill was looking at Michelle like a horny school-boy, and Karen was clearly giving Michelle a glare that wished the awesome curly head . . . well, dead.

Paul was the first to comment, "You should've used that for your audition. Nina, you blew us away, as always. But to get a reaction like this from the audience? I think you would've been a lot safer had you auditioned with this song. It had heart, it had feeling, it was a little pitchy, but that hardly noticeable! I don't think I could find anything wrong with it."

"It was pitchy. The problem is, it was too pitchy. You reminded me of my first date with Teri back in high school. My voice kept cracking like there was no tomorrow." Graem said.

"OHMYGOD! GRAEM INSULTED NINA!" Screamed the reviewers. "GRAEM INSULTED NINA! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!"

"And I feel fine!" Sang Milo. Everyone glared at him. Poor Milo. "Err, Marie, what do you have to say about Nina's performance?" LBP glared at him for taking her line, but waited for Marie to speak anyway.

"This is always the hardest part of the job." Marie sighed. "Over the past few weeks, you've set up so many expectations for us. And this week, you just failed to deliver it. Your performance was pitchy, it lacked the sparkle of your past two performances." She added as the audience started to boo her, "But it's up to the reviewers to keep you safe."

"The reviewers keep Nina safe? That's so funny, I could almost crack my facial expression." Chloe said. Several people giggled for some reason. Perhaps it was because that line was actually funny. Or not.

"Anyway, we'll find out in two weeks if you guys want to keep Nina safe. In the meantime, let's welcome our next lovely auditioner, Jamey Farrell singing Going Under by Evanescence. I LOVE THAT SONG! DUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH AND REALLY BAD EGGS! DRINK UP ME HEARTIES YO HO!" LBP sang off-key, just for the amusement of herself, only. And maybe a few people from her Peer Leadership group that would understand it, if they were reading it. But that would be it.

"Wrong song. And it was so off-key." Berhooz said. "And I still don't see why you're a part of this competition. You're tacky and I hate you."

"What are you doing here, Berhooz?" Screamed just about everyone except for LBP. She just glared angrily at Berhooz. "We hate you! Well, actually we don't. But you're annoying."

"Uhh, I'll go now." Berhooz said and ran for his life. Tweny.four mad took the opportune moment to run like mad, after Berhooz, with the nameless CTU agents running after both of them. "You suck!"

"Let's just have Jamey come out here." LBP sighed. "WHY DOES NOTHING GO RIGHT?" She screamed, imitating the Avatar High people. Jamey strolled out of nowhere. Nadia glared angrily at her, and Milo started ogling her like a horny school boy. Until Vadergirl2006 smacked him over the head with various bags, filled with whatever it is old ladies carry in their purses. Not saying that Vadergirl2006 is old, but she is hitting him over the head with bags old ladies carry.

"Stop hitting Milo!" HeavensNight and bunhead-luvs24 said in unison. "Whoa, that was weird. And that. And that!" There was a slight pause and they both yelled at once, "ADAM STALKS CHLOE! Whoa."

"What?" Screamed Chloe. She smacked Adam, who wheeled around and shot Maya from Heroes. Everyone looked at Adam. "What?" Screamed Chloe again, nearly fainting. Luckily for Chloe, Jack caught her and carried her off to her dressing room. Yay for Chlack romance.

"What . . . the fuck?" Jamey asked. "Can I just sing now, get judged and perhaps get voted off?" Everyone looked at Jamey. "What, it's true? I lived for like, ten episodes and then died. No one cares about me."

"That's not true, Jamey." Milo said. "I care about you. LBP doesn't own the following lyrics, by the way." Then he sang, "Say you need me with you, here, beside you. Anywhere you go, let me go too. Christine, errr Jamey, that's all I ask of you . . ."

"That's cute, in a creepy way," Stratus5 said. "Cute, but definitely creepy."

"Agreed." Said House24Fan.

"Agreed," happyhooligan2001 said, mouth agape.

"Yeah, that was really creepy, Milo." Jamey said. "Oh, by the way, this singing is dedicated to Nina. Without her, I wouldn't be where I am today." Nina looked extremely confused, as did Tony and Jack. As did everyone. Except for LBP, because, well, she's had this planned out for awhile.

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you -  
50 thousand tears I've cried.  
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you -  
And you still won't hear me.  
(Going under)  
_

_Don't want your hand this time - I'll save myself.  
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)  
Not tormented daily _

_Defeated by you  
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom_

_I'm dying again_

_I'm going under (going under)  
Drowning in you (drowning in you)  
I'm falling forever (falling forever)  
I've got to break through  
I'm going under_

_Blurring and stirring - the truth and the lies.  
(So I don't know what's real) So I don't know what's real and what's not (and what's not)  
Always confusing the thoughts in my head  
So I can't trust myself anymore_

_I'm dying again_

_I'm going under (going under)  
__Drowning in you (drowning in you)  
I'm falling forever (falling forever)  
I've got to break through  
I'm..._

_So go on and scream  
Scream at me I'm so far away (so far away)  
I won't be broken again (again)  
I've got to breathe - I can't keep going under_

_I'm dying again_

_I'm going under (going under)  
Drowning in you (drowning in you)  
I'm falling forever (falling forever)  
I've got to break through_

_I'm going under (going under)  
I'm going under (drowning in you)  
I'm going under_

"I'm sorry, Jamey . . . it just . . . was . . . FANTASTIC!" Graem stood up and applauded. "You are the best singer we have on this show."

"Really?" Jamey asked.

"No. That was THE worst performance. Even worse than Rick's. No wait, not as bad as Rick's." Graem sighed. "Nah, I'm just kidding. That was great! Geez, lighten up."

"Marie?" LBP asked. "Did you think that Jamey's performance lived up to Idol standards?"

"What standards?" House24Fan asked. "You still have Morris on the show, even though he never made it on the show to begin with. Audrey even made it to the duet round!"

"What standards?" happyhooligan2001 said. "Chloe hasn't won yet."

"What standards?" Michelle asked. "This is the show's first season!"

"I'm amazed that Michelle asked the most obvious 'What standards?' and not Audrey. If that makes any sense, grammatically." Tony said, flashing a cheeky grin in Jack's direction. Jack, who was still under the protection of his legion of ex girlfriends, could do nothing.

"What do I have to do with this song?" Nina asked.

"You're as dumb as Audrey. How do you not know?" Jamey growled.

"No she's not!" Screamed some people. Feel free to enter your name there.

As the two entered a death brawl, LBP turned to the panel of judges. "Marie?" asked LBP. "Is Jamey ready to board the Hot Tamale train?"

"What drugs are you on, LBP?" Marie asked. "That's from 'So You Think You Can Dance'."

"None . . . that I know of." LBP said brightly. "And I know that! But the judge on SYTYCD is named Mary, and you're Marie . . . oh, forget it. What do you think of Jamey's performance?"

"Definitely better than anything we've heard from her in the past. Amy Lee owns. You own. YAY!" Marie cheered. "That was a weird way to end my comment."

"And Paul?" LBP asked in a bored manner, staring at her fingernails. They were pretty gross.

"Jamey . . . I want to date you." Paul said. "Honestly, you know that your heart was behind this song, and you just went for it! I am impressed with you, young lady!"

"She's not that young." LBP said, as Jamey left the stage in a dust cloud (she was still fighting with Nina). "Then again, you're very old, Paul." Audrey glared at her. "What? You like older men. There's nothing wrong with that. Unless it's like the Hugh Hephner: Some Playboy Bunny ratio. In which case, it's like 4:1. No wait. That's a lie. It's more like 3:1, but you know what I mean."

"Actually, no. I have no idea what you're talking about." Audrey said.

"And that's why I'm on this show and you're not."

"BURN!" screamed Milo and House24Fan.

"Speaking of roasting on an open fire, our next contestant is Kate!" LBP announced. Jack tried to applaud. In short, he failed. The judges groaned, with the exception of Marie, who began cheering pretty loudly.

"Why is she a judge if Kate is a contestant?" Tiana asked. "Wouldn't that make her biased?"

"It's too late to find another judge." LBP said. "Hey, Kate? Sing. Now."

"Calm down, LBP." Kate said with a dramatic eyeroll.

"We should have a 'Weird Al' week." Audrey said.

"Audrey, shut u- no wait. That may have been the smartest thing you've ever said." twentyfour.mad said. "Wow, we really do take you for granted. I mean, we slam you all the time, maybe you're just acting stupid because we think you're stupid."

"No." Everyone else said at once.

"Hey, you know what I noticed?" HeavensNight asked.

"What?" Vadergirl2006 asked.

"That no one's seen Allyson Bauer in a really long time."

"That's cuz she's dead."

"That's not what I mean. What I mean is, no one's seen her ghost, or anything."

"Don't remind me." LBP hissed. A little known fact about LBP. She doesn't enjoy losing reviewers, especially those who were faithful. Drive-by reviewers are different, but reviewers who get to be in a couple of chapters, and then disappear. "I think it's rude."

"You know what's rude? Not allowing me to sing." Kate growled.

"Stop whining, Kate!" Everyone else shouted. "Just sing, already!"

_Now I've come to cry  
Shed your skin to rest my naked eye  
And criticize  
All that I implore  
Seems to be one foot outside that door  
Coming between me and waking_

_Underneath the corset of your mystery  
Piece by piece undress you from your history  
I'm sleeping with seclusion in sweet disarray_

_You can go heavy on me  
And I will not weigh you down, down, down  
You can be steady and clean  
I can take it  
Heavy on me  
And I will not weigh you down_

_Born unto this pride  
Silence is something you can't hide  
You can't deny us  
Nothing has been said  
Yet so many words have filled my head  
Now they completely surround me_

_Tie the lines of honest conductivity  
Caught between the center of our gravity  
I don't have that much time to burn anymore_

"Ehh," Graem said. "I didn't love it." Some people nodded in agreement, some people clapped, others booed. This was truly a mixed review. There were times when the judges were wrong, and times when they were right, and this isn't either of those times. "You're Arrested Development, and I'm America. It's not that you're bad, I just don't like you."

"Shut up, Graem. You suck. You don't know anything. That was great, Kate! Ohmigawd. That rhymed!" Marie began freaking out over the fact her words rhymed. Something's wrong with Marie today, everyone could tell. How do I know this? Everyone in the vicinity began to eye Jack.

"Jack, what'd you drug Marie with?" was Paul's first comment. Then he turned to Kate. "That sucked. You suck. Go home." Kate began to cry, and Marie slapped him. "What? She did! And Graem? Your metaphors suck. It's more like, she's America, and I'm the rest of the world."

"Arrested Development was treated unfairly. That show is awesome." LBP announced. "Speaking of people who got an unfair ending, next up is Michelle!" At this, everyone proceeded to stand up and clap. Tony gave Jack a look that clearly read, 'I don't see them cheering for any of your girlfriends'.

Jack replied with a look of, 'One of my girlfriends is your girlfriend too'. Tony refused to dignify that glance with another one. People were still clapping as Michelle walked out. This was followed by several cheers, and one, "You suck." However, that person was quickly clobbered to death. Let's face it. Everybody loves Michelle.

"And she's singing an Idina Menzel song. She wins. Michelle wins at life/death." LBP announced. Everyone glared at her for mentioning the word 'death' and Michelle's cruel and unjustified death. "What? She died. Deal with it. Seriously, you guys are worse than my friend when Charlie died on Lost."

"No need to remind us!" Some people screamed. Other people began pelting her with tomatoes, and some more people got up and walked out of the studio.

"YOU GUYS SUCK!" She screamed. "Anyway, Michelle is singing 'Where Do I Begin?' by Idina Menzel." LBP walked backstage to rub off the tomato remains. "This sucks more than the time I was on Family Guy." She growled.

Michelle walked out and grabbed the microphone. She smiled at Tony, and waved to the audience. "I'm not going to bother dedicating this to anyone, because you all know who I'm going to dedicate this to. That's right, I'm dedicating it to Milo." Everyone gasped. "Just kidding."

_Where do I begin my love  
Starting with the things I haven't said enough of  
Starting with the day you changed my life  
__And ending with the way I feel tonight  
Where do I begin  
_

_Where do I belong when you're not here  
This is way beyond my darkest fear  
I don't know where I end or where I start  
Each mile in between is way too far  
Where do I begin  
_

_I've always counted all my blessings  
Knowing you'd defend me  
And stand by my side  
If only I didn't lose my senses  
Each time I intended  
For these words to come out right  
Where do I begin my love  
_

_Starting with the morning you brought me the sun  
Starting with the stars from out of space  
You took a few and lit up my face  
Where do I begin  
_

_I've always counted all my blessings  
Knowing you'd defend me  
And stand by my side  
If only I didn't lose my senses  
Each time I intended  
For these words to come out right  
Where do I begin my love  
_

_I always read the last page instead of the first one  
Well there's no need to rush it all in  
I love you and I'll say it again  
Where do I begin  
Where do I begin  
Where should we begin  
_

"I'm going to do something unprecedented." Marie said. "I'm going to bash you." Several people booed. "Shut up. I'm a judge, not you. Anyway, she has to be brought down sometimes. Not everyone can have a fantastic performance all the time. Michelle, it was mediocre, and nowhere near your best. I expected better of you."

"Marie's on crack, because I thought that was fantastic." Paul insisted. "It was a little lacking in the tonality department, but that hardly matters because you light up the stage when you sing."

"I think that was the most intelligent comment Paul made." Graem said, after a moment of thinking. "This is what I have to say. I'm torn between agreeing with Paul and agreeing with Marie, and here's why. Indeed, that wasn't as great as we've seen you, but you still managed to light up the stage. It was a very confusing performance to say the least."

"So, Marie said it was bad. Paul said she lit up the stage, and Graem's confused. Well, hopefully our next performance will clear things up. Next up is Chloe, singing Everything by Alanis Morrissette." LBP announced. Chloe walked on stage, with a pained attempt of a smile on her lips.

"GO CHLOE!" Shouted happyhooligan2001. People stared at him, but he ignored them.

'Uhh, this is for Jack." Chloe said, watching Adam's fallen expression out of the corner of her eye. However, a roar of approval met her ears. What can I say? People want their Chloe/Jack sexual tension. "So, here goes."

_I can be an asshole of the grandest kind  
I can withhold like it's going out of style  
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone  
Who is as negative as I am sometimes_

_I am the wisest woman you've ever met.  
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.  
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen  
And you've never met anyone  
Who's as positive as I am sometimes._

_You see everything, you see every part  
You see all my light and you love my dark  
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed  
There's not anything to which you can't relate  
And you're still here_

_I blame everyone else, not my own partaking  
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating  
I'm terrified and mistrusting  
And you've never met anyone as,  
As closed down as I am sometimes._

_You see everything, you see every part  
You see all my light and you love my dark  
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed  
There's not anything to which you can't relate  
And you're still here_

_What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know  
What I resist, you love, no matter how low_ _or high I go_

_I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known  
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known  
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known  
And you've never met anyone  
Who is as everything as I am sometimes_

_You see everything (you see everything), you see every part (you see every part )  
You see all my light (you see all my light) and you love my dark (and you love my dark )  
You dig everything (you dig everything) of which I'm ashamed (of which I'm ashamed)  
There's not anything (there's not anything) to which you can't relate (to which you can't relate)  
And you're still here_

_(You see everything, you see every part)  
And you're still here  
(You see all my light and you love my dark)  
And you're still here  
(You dig everything of which I'm ashamed)  
(There's not anything to which you can't relate)  
And you're still here..._

"Chloe, that was just . . . magical. Who knew you could put that much emotion and passion into your voice, not once, not twice, but three times! That was absolutely fantastic. You are like Katee, from 'So You Think You Can Dance'. You can just go with whatever gets thrown at you, and continue to amaze us. Brilliant job, young lady." Marie said.

"I'm older than you." Chloe said.

"Doesn't matter." Marie retorted childishly. "You were great, and if this were 'So You Think You Can Dance', you'd be getting a Marie Murphy scream by now. Hey, LBP, the 'So You Think You Can Dance' references are getting really annoying. Can we change reality show references?"

"Yeah, we can, whether she says we can or not." Paul said. "Chloe, you know, I love you." Chloe looked disgusting for a moment before Paul continued, "I love you because even when our top competitors are having a rough week, you just seem to pull right on through. And that is what this competition is all about!"

"Chloe. Chloe, Chloe, Chloe." Graem began.

"Stop saying my name and get to the point." Chloe said through gritted teeth. She felt uncomfortable with Graem saying her name repeatedly.

"That was great. Let's go, next contestant." Graem said. He was bored.

"That's it, Graem? You suck!" happyhooligan2001 said. "I think she deserves a little more praise than that! Everyone after her sucks, so you can afford to waste time!"

Graem kept his mouth shut. The Chloe fans became extremely angered by this. Tiana screeched, "ATTACK!" People practically flew from the rafters, and the audiance to attack Graem. LBP couldn't see much, except for flying fists. Graem slumped out of his judging chair, and Tiana gulped, "Uhh, LBP? I think he's unconcious."

"Someone go call the medics . . . and someone call Brad Hammond. We need another judge. This can't be the 'Paul and Marie' hour. That could be a great dramady, though." LBP said.

"Why have Brad Hammond, when you could have me?" A very familiar voice asked.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Aaron Pierce!" LBP applauded. People who were still beating up Graem's unconcious form stopped to put their hands together for the Secret Service agent. "Well, this is certainly a surprise, Aaron, why are you here?" She asked, as Aaron slipped into Graem's chair. The medics appeared magically, and took Graem away.

"Well, Mrs. Logan insisted I do whatever I can to help you." He stated. "Not for Charles, but because, we can't let the terrorists win. America cannot give into the demands of terrorists."

"Yet people are being given immunity left and right." LBP sighed. "Well, it's good to have you on the show, Aaron. You didn't happen to hear Chloe's performance, did you?" Aaron shook his head. "Then we can move on.

"I'm back." twentyfour.mad skidded into the studio, panting. "What'd I miss? WHOA! When did Aaron become a judge? Are we getting rid of Graem forever? And what contestant are we up to?" HeavensNight turned around to answer all of those questions.

"Well, you missed more than half the performances. Aaron just became a judge, Graem is unconscious, and . . . what contestant are we up to?" HeavensNight answered in one breath. It was impressive, to say the least.

Stratus5 asked, "Who is this new bald guy? Arnold? That's his name, right?" Several people glared at her. "Sorry! It's not my fault that I don't know! I'm just doing my duty as a friend. Can you blame me?" People shook their heads, and bunhead-luvs24 turned around to explain.

"Aaron Pierce is a Secret Service agent that's pretty much worked for every president on the show. From Palmer, to Keeler, to Charles Logan, to Martha Logan. And, at one point, he helped Wayne Palmer, but Charles Logan was president at the time." bunhead-luvs24 nodded. "So, that's all you really need to know about Aaron. Everyone loves and respects him. Understand?"

Stratus5 did not understand, but she nodded and pretended she did. She figured that things would explain themselves as time went on. Things like that usually don't happen, but a girl could hope, right? Vadergirl2006 attempted to shush everyone, as the next contestant came on the stage, Teri Bauer.

"Teri Bauer will be singing Bleeding Love sung by Leona Lewis." LBP was tempted to make a reference to a certain FOX reality show, but thought better of it. "Leona Lewis is one of the few singers that Simon Cowell actually liked." She announced."No one cares."

"This is for you, Jack. I know how you felt when I died, and no analyst whose hair changes constantly can change that!" Each word in the sentence picked up more hostility and venom. "And Kim, keep your father in line." People laughed, though most people laughed nervously. Kim keep Jack in line? If the government couldn't do it, there was no way in Hell that Kim could do it. Nevertheless, people were still rooting for Teri to have a good performance.

_Closed off from love  
I didn't need the pain  
Once or twice was enough  
And it was all in vain  
Time starts to pass  
Before you know it you're frozen_

_But something happened  
For the very first time with you  
My heart melts into the ground  
Found something true  
And everyone's looking round  
Thinking I'm going crazy_

_But I don't care what they say  
I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away  
But they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein  
That I keep on closing  
You cut me open and I_

_Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
I keep bleeding  
I keep, keep bleeding love  
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
You cut me open_

_Trying hard not to hear  
But they talk so loud  
Their piercing sounds fill my earsTry to fill me with doubt  
Yet I know that the goal  
Is to keep me from falling_

_But nothing's greater than the risk that comes with your embrace  
And in this world of loneliness  
I see your face  
Yet everyone around me  
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe_

_But I don't care what they say  
I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away  
But they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein  
That I keep on closing  
You cut me open and I_

_Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
I keep bleeding  
I keep, keep bleeding love  
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
You cut me open_

_And it's draining all of me  
Oh they find it hard to believe  
I'll be wearing these scars  
For everyone to see_

_I don't care what they say  
I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away  
But they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein  
That I keep on closing  
You cut me open and I_

_Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
I keep bleeding  
I keep, keep bleeding love  
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
You cut me open and I_

_Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
I keep bleeding_

_I keep, keep bleeding love  
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
You cut me open and I  
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
_

People couldn't even think straight. They were completely dazed. Finally, one person began slow clapping. Before long, the entire studio was filled with an uproar of clapping and hollering. The three judges were on their feet as well. Granted, if Graem had been judging, he would've been the only one not standing, but he's unconscious right now.

After some of the applause had died, the judges sat back down, and Paul was the first to speak. "Yes! Yes! That's how it gets done. That's what I wanted to see! That is what so many of these competitors are missing tonight!" Paul continued, "There was just the spark of passion in your eyes, consistently there. You honestly didn't care if it was good or if it was crap. You performed from your heart, and that's what we are seriously lacking here tonight. I would not be surprised if you were in our top four. Not surprised at all."

"I would." Marie said. "Not that it was bad, but you fade out of minds easily. After all, your death was plot fueled. Deaths like Tony and Michelle, that were only for shock factor, are in the fans' minds because of their outrage. You're sweet, though. The problem is you're too sweet. The final four is full of badasses, and you're just not badass enough." Marie paused as the booing started, "However, that performance was . . . outstanding. Beyond anything I would've expected from a woman who married Jack Bauer."

Aaron spoke next, "That was entertaining. Not good, not bad, entertaining. You have a wonderful voice Mrs. Ba- Teri. Teri, you have a voice that if you don't win this year, I would expect you to come back and make it far next season. I can see you being a 24 Idol one day. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day." People applauded.

"I thought you were going to say, 'soon and for the rest of your life'. Oh well. Only I get that. Anyway, next up, a person whose voice makes me want to kill a cow more than Sanjaya's voice did, Sarah Gavin."

"That's mean." House24Fan said. "I mean, I know that Sanjaya sucked, but that's no reason to take it out on a cow. Cows are awesome. Besides, if we don't keep cows alive, how are we supposed to drink Nesquick? We can't. So leave the cows alone." All the reviewers stared at her, and she stared right back. "Hey, I'm stranger than you dreamt it."

"You didn't announce what I'm singing." Sarah said, crossing her arms. LBP stuck her tongue out, refusing to give Sarah's statement a verbal response. "You suck!" LBP gave Sarah a look that read, 'that's what she said'. "You're being so immature!" Sarah whined.

"At least I get paid to be immature." LBP said snootily. "Anyway, the song Queen of the Most Annoying People in 24dom is . . . Don't Stop the Music by Rihanna? Seriously?" LBP asked, jaw agape. "Seriously? Of all the things you really needed to sing? C'mon, Sarah. How old are you? Fourteen?"

Sarah stuck her tongue out at LBP before the host could make another comment. "Erin, you should've never left CTU." Several members of the audience obviously gagged at this statement. "Hey, I could've sang Bet On It. Would you have liked that?" People instantly shut up.

_Please don't stop the music  
Please don't stop the music  
Please don't stop the music  
Please don't stop the music_

_It's gettin late  
I'm making my way over to my favorite place  
I gotta get my body moving shake the stress away  
I wasn't looking for nobody when you looked my way  
Possible candidate (yeah)  
Who knew  
That you'd be up in here lookin like you do  
You're makin' stayin' over here impossible  
Baby I must say your aura is incredible  
If you dont have to go don't_

_Do you know what you started  
I just came here to party  
But now we're rockin on the dancefloor  
Acting naughty  
Your hands around my waist  
Just let the music play  
We're hand in hand  
Chest to chest  
And now we're face to face  
I wanna take you away  
Lets escape into the music  
DJ let it play  
I just can't refuse it  
Like the way you do this_  
_Keep on rockin to it  
Please don't stop the  
Please don't stop the  
Please don't stop the music_

_Baby are you ready cause its getting close  
Don't you feel the passion ready to explode  
What goes on between us no one has to know  
This is a private show (oh)_

_Do you know what you started  
I just came here to party  
But now we're rockin on the dancefloor  
Acting naughty  
Your hands around my waist  
Just let the music play  
We're hand in hand  
Don't Stop The Music lyrics from /  
Chest to chest  
And now we're face to face_

_I wanna take you away  
Lets escape into the music  
DJ let it play  
I just can't refuse it  
Like the way you do this  
Keep on rockin to it  
Please don't stop the  
Please don't stop the  
Please don't stop the music_

_Please don't stop the music  
Please don't stop the music  
Please don't stop the music_

_Ma ma se, ma ma sa  
Ma ma coo sa  
Ma ma se, ma ma sa  
Ma ma coo sa_

_  
Please don't stop the music  
Please don't stop the music_

_I wanna take you away  
Lets escape into the music  
DJ let it play_

_I just can't refuse it  
Like the way you do this  
Keep on rockin to it  
Please don't stop the  
Please don't stop the  
_

_Please don't stop the music  
Please don't stop the music  
_

"I applaud your decision to edit this song a little bit." Marie said, alluding to that fact that several lines were missing. "Because it sucked. You slaughtered it, completely. I never want to hear anything that atrocious ever again. If you make it to week after our results show, I want to see major improvement from you." Sarah nodded, tears glistening in her eyes. "Why are you crying? There's no reason to cry!" Marie snarled.

"It's just," Sarah sobbed. "This competition means so much to me! You have no idea." She continued, sobbing all the while, "This is my one chance, to be remembered by the 24 fandom. You don't know what it's like, being on the list of people no one gives a fuck about!" She sobbrd. "I have to win this. For me. For my pride, and for all the characters that think they can't get a second chance to get into people's hearts!"

'Wow . . ." House24Fan said. "That was crap. Seriously, I've heard better tear-stained speeches from a pillow. And not a talking pillow, a normal pillow."

"Now, that wasn't very nice, House24Fan." Aaron began. "Sarah, I think you should use this 'reason' to drive yourself to perform better. Sure, this'll drive you now, but what happens when you win? Do you go back to singing like that?'

"Getting WAY ahead of your self, Aaron." Tiana said. "I'd rather vote off Tony than name her 24 Idol. I don't like her. At all. No one does. She'll be lucky to make it past the next results show." As Sarah gave her a furious look, Tiana said, "What? It's true."

"Agreed." Said Paul. "Look, you say why you want to be here, but I don't see it in your eyes, and I definitely didn't hear it in your song." He paused for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "If you make it past the next results show, I want to be able to see the desire in your eyes."

"This isn't over!" Sarah exclaimed. "I will be back!" She ran backstage, most likely for a chocolate bar or some warm brownies. People stared after her, not sure of what was going on anymore. "Who stole my cookies?" She screamed. No one knew, no one really cared. Twentyfour.mad just giggled, as if to show that she knew the fate of the aforementioned cookies. However, Sarah had already left for the nearest store that carried Mrs. Fields cookies.

"Chloe?" Whined Jack. "Can I go play in the rafters? I'm bored." Why Jack was asking Chloe's permission, we'll never know. "Please? If Tony comes too, will you let me?"

"All right." Chloe relented, confused. "As long as you don't play 'CTU Agents and Terrorists' in the rafters. Or 'Batman and Joker'." Jack ran off, presumably to find Tony, or go play in the rafters. "That was weird. I wonder why he was asking my permission."

"Why didn't he ask my permission?" Diane whined. "It's just like Derek all over again. Ohmygod. Where is Derek? My son! MY SOONNN" She began wailing out loud, much to the chagrin of the audience, and just about everyone else.

"Go backstage and moan about your son there." HeavensNight growled.

"She can't." LBP said. "She's the next performer. Everyone, here is Diane Huxley singing Taking Chances by Celine Dion. What's with you and the Celine Dion music? And Jack? Someone get s a little too obsessive, if you ask me."

"Well no one asked you." Diane growled, a little too defensively.

" Diane sucks!" Stratus5 announced, and crossed her arms. "I don't want to listen to her." A pout formed on her lips. LBP made a 'shh' motion and Diane glared at her, grabbing the microphone all the while.

"Jack, I love you. Marry me." Diane announced. However, Jack couldn't hear her, as he was playing 'CTU agents and Terrorists' in the rafters with Tony.

_Don't know much about your life.  
Don't know much about your world, but  
Don't want to be alone tonight,  
On this planet they call earth._

_You don't know much about my past, and  
I don't have a future figured out.  
And maybe this is going too fast.  
And maybe it's not meant to last,_

_But what do you say to taking chances,  
What do you say to jumping off the edge?  
Never knowing if there's solid ground below  
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,What do you say,  
What do you say?_

_I just want to start again,  
And maybe you could show me how to try,  
And maybe you could take me in,  
Somewhere underneath your skin?_

_What do you say to taking chances,  
__What do you say to jumping off the edge?  
Never knowing if there's solid ground below  
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,  
What do you say,  
What do you say?_

_And I had my heart beating down,  
But I always come back for more, yeah.  
There's nothing like love to pull you up,  
When you're laying down on the floor there.  
So talk to me, talk to me,  
Like lovers do.  
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,  
Like lovers do,  
Like lovers do._

_What do you say to taking chances,  
What do you say to jumping off the edge?  
Never knowing if there's solid ground below  
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,  
What do you say,  
What do you say?_

_Don't know much about your life  
And I don't know much about your world._

"I like oboes." LBP said with a grin. "Especially my own. Anyway, judges, what did you think of Diane's performance? Better or worse than Patrick Wilson's haircut in the Phantom of the Opera movie?"

"Definitely better than that. Nothing could possibly be worse than that." Paul said. "You know, the audience may say you suck, but I enjoyed that. I thoroughly enjoyed that, no matter what anyone else says. You have a gift."

"I agree and I disagree." Marie began. "I agree in the sense in that it was better than Raoul's haircut. I disagree, however, because I don't think you have a gift. The only thing you have is the ability to keep my attention, and you've barely done that."

"You're really mean this week, Marie." Aaron stated. "Anyway, I thought you were pretty good, Diane. Probably a front runner for this week. Then again, I missed half of the performances, so I don't really know if putting you as a 'front runner' is helping or hurting you."

"Thanks?" Diane asked before walking off stage.

"I WANNA BE THE CTU AGENT!" Tony wailed, causing everyone to look up into the rafters. "That's not fair Jack! You always get to be the hero. Why don't you be the terrorist for once?"

"Because the world would implode." Jack cackled evilly. Sadly, this was true.

"Jack!" Chloe and Teri said in unison. They looked at each other, and Chloe nodded for Teri to do the honors.

"Jack Bauer, what did Chloe tell you?" Teri snapped.

Jack bowed his head and muttered, "Not to play 'CTU Agents and Terrorists'."

"And what did you do?"

"Play 'CTU Agents and Terrorists'." He shot a resentful, childish glance at Chloe.

"You want to keep playing?"

"Yes ma'am." Tony said eagerly. "Sorry." He muttered after getting a scolding glance from Michelle.

"Yes ma'am." Jack growled.

"Then let Tony be the CTU agent." Teri said.

"Yes!" Tony cheered.

"Aw, man. It doesn't matter, I'm still gonna kill you for the sake of what I believe in." Jack challenged.

"Over my dead body!" Tony announced. The two went back to playing their game. They're acting like five year olds for a reason, no one knows what that reason is just yet.

"Okay, our last performer of the night is Carrie Bendis singing Hometown Glory by ADELE!" LBP announced really loudly. "Give her a round of applause, I want this show to be over with already."

happyhooligan2001 asked, "Can Chloe sing again instead of Carrie?"

"Please?" Asked bunhead-luvs24.

"Chloe doesn't need to sing again." Tiana stated. "One performance should be enough to keep her safe for the entire season."

"I disagree with that statement!" House24Fan yelled.

"I agree with House24Fan's statement!" twentyfour.mad shouted. "If anything, one performance from Tony could keep him safe for the rest of the season!"

"But he's playing 'CTU Agents and Terrorists'!" Stratus5 said, looking wistfully up into the rafters. "That sounds like fun. Can I play?"

"If she gets to play, I want to play!" Vadergirl2006 screamed.

"Wait, what's happening?" HeavensNight asked.

"No idea." Tiana said. "Just yell randomly. You'll get about the same result."

Carrie heistitantly grabbed the microphone. "Well, um, here it goes."

"HERE IT GOES, HERE IT GOES, HERE IT GOES AGAIN!" Sang all of the reviewers in unison. Even if they didn't know the song, they sang that one line. Completely ignoring the reviewers, Carrie sang into the microphone.

_I've been walking in the same way as I did  
Missing out the cracks in the pavement  
And tutting my heel and strutting my feet  
"Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I can call?"  
"No and thank you, please Madam. I ain't lost, just wandering"_

_Round my hometown  
Memories are fresh  
Round my hometown  
Ooh the people I've met  
Are the wonders of my world  
Are the wonders of my world  
Are the wonders of this world  
Are the wonders of my world_

_I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque  
I love to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades  
I like it in the city when two worlds collideYou get the people and the government  
Everybody taking different sides_

_Shows that we ain't gonna stand shit  
Shows that we are united  
Shows that we ain't gonna take it  
Shows that we ain't gonna stand shit  
Shows that we are united_

_Round my hometown  
Memories are fresh  
Round my hometown  
Ooh the people I've met_

_  
Are the wonders of my world  
Are the wonders of my world  
Are the wonders of this world  
Are the wonders of my world_

Aaron stood up and began clapping. The judges soon followed suit and the studio, completely bewildered, began clapping and standing on their feet. "Carrie, I think you're going to need a GPS system." Paul began. Carrie looked confused. "You're going to need to find my mind because you completely blew it away!" Carrie beamed. "I was telling Sarah before about how she needed to have it in her eyes, and how I needed to hear it in her song. I heard it with your song. I saw it in your eyes. You are my new favorite person, and no matter what happens, I am one-hundred percent behind you!"

"That's what he said to her." LBP muttered, giggling at the perverseness of her aforementioned statement.

"Carrie . . . you are amazing." Marie said. "That performance, your audition, just everything about you puts a smile on my face and keeps me wanting more."

"That's what she said!" Tiana giggled.

"Shut up, peanut gallery. Anyway, your voice told the story of the song. I loved it. My favorite performance of the week." Marie finished, glaring at LBP and the audience, who were now attempting to find perversion in the judges' statements.

"That was amazing." Aaron began.

"That's what she said!" Everyone said at once.

Aaron gave them the 'Secret Service glare of death' and they shut up. Not because they were dead, but because they respected Aaron Pierce. "Anyway, you're the new front-runner for this week. That was honestly the greatest minute or so of my life."

"And now it's up to you, reviewers." LBP announced. "Vote for who you want to be voted off. I repeating, you are voting for the character you want voted off. Next week is the guy's week, and then the week after is our results show, where one guy and one girl will be sent home. I'm LBP, telling you all to have a good night! Good-bye!"

* * *

**You know the drill! At least, you better know the drill, I just told you what it was. I'll see you again . . . whenever the heck I update again. I hope that's soon, but you never know with me. :D Love you all! **


	11. Guy Week!

**A/N: I am so freakin' sorry I haven't been here. I really am. Okay, so, I have a good reason, I swear. Around Christmastime, I had a brand new chapter, all ready to go. I had just finished editing it, and planned to update it before I left for my Christmas vacation. My computer hard drive had so many virsuses that it just shut down. I lost _everything_. I had been meaning to stop writing this story for awhile, as indicated by the beginning.**

**But then I started writing it again. And I remembered how much I loved it, and I remembered how much everyone else loved it. And I resolved to move on with this story. So that's why it's been eleven months. I'm really sorry.**

**Reviewer Replies:**

**jackxnina15: I actually like Kim, despite how much I bash her. She redeemed herself a lot this season, I think. Carrie Bendis is actually from Season 5, whilist Carrie Turner is from Season 2. I wish they revived Michelle as well. Alas, it could not be. **

**Stratus5: But I knew you spoke with the British accent. You used to talk like that on AIM all the time with me. And with Glindapaw and Elphabapaw, and the time Moonie tried to kill them both. XD**

**BBC: I LOVE PROJECT RUNWAY!! And don't try to get back at Bill. He'll never get over that he could never have Michelle.**

**happyhooligan2001: You know, I have friends who make jokes that I get lost all the time, and it's so true. I do get lost all the time. It's sad, actually. Now, I'm totally gonna sound like a punk-ass teenager, but what is a 78?**

**Vadergirl2006: You're twenty? Well, surely 21 by now . . . anyway, you're older than I am. I haven't seen Mirrors yet. It was on G4 last week, but I missed it.**

**House24fan: Your long reviews are epic win! I love you. Okay, so I'm gonna pick little things to respond to.**

**Sweeney Todd reference- I love Sweeney Todd. It's so epic. But I like the Broadway version a lot better.**

**Alexis-I just went along with what I wrote. Because, like I knew I wanted him to show up, and then I was like, "Hey. I have no one for Broadway week. Let's use Alexis."**

**Evil-dom in 24- I understand Morris and Audrey, but how is Kim evil? Unless she conspired to make Tony evil . . .**

**All I Ask of You- The only thing creepier than that is 'Johanna' from Sweeney Todd.**

**skycloud86 (Chapter 10): Why thank you.**

**skycloud86(Chapter 9): Praise terrorists was inspired by my friend Michael, who was pretending he was a preacher from the south when I wrote than. Often, in the middle of class, he would throw his hands up in the air and scream, "PRAISE JESUS!" Not that I thought it was an acturate portrayl, but I was just reminded of that as I was writing.**

**Tiana: Haha, that's okay. And thank you for being my 100th reviewer! I'll have to owe you something. What did you have in mind?**

**Toxichi-BK-JA: -sheepishly rubs the back of her neck- Yeah, I'm sorry for not updating sooner. Don't worry, I wrote good stuff for you. Or, at least I hope I did. **

**Tiana (again): And I finally updated. I'm so sorry it's been so long.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own 24 or any songs I use, or anything I parody. **

* * *

_After last week's show_

Smiling brightly, LBP headed backstage to her dressing room, where hopefully she could relax for the rest of the week. She noticed, however, with a twinge of worry that the phones had only rung seven times. "It's probably nothing," she told herself firmly, and continued in the direction of her dressing room.

Waiting there was a man from scheduling. LBP whimpered as he advanced, teeth bared and snarling. "LBP," he growled. She nearly shrieked, but took in a deep breath to calm herself down. She focused on the warm light that was coming out of her dressing room. "Mr. Foxy would like to see you to discuss the cancellation of your show."

It was hardly an exaggeration to say that LBP's jaw nearly hit the floor. She couldn't speak, and she wobbled around the room for a few moments, as her vision was getting quite dizzy. "Cancelled?" she asked hoarsely, staring at the man from scheduling with blank eyes. She couldn't believe it. Her show? What she had worked on for so long?

"Say _what_ now?" House24fan asked. Whispers circulated around the group of people. Some random passerby looked shocked. It was the janitor, Sweepy. Nobody cares about him, as he doesn't really do a good job of cleaning things up, anyway. "I don't understand! Mr. Foxy said only two weeks ago that we were doing such a great job."

"Yeah! He's being such a hippo!" Tiana exclaimed. Stratus5, happyhooligan2001, and House24fan all suddenly got the mental image of a hippopotamus wearing horn-rimmed glasses. The image was amusing, to say the least.

"Hippo? Like a hippopotamus? I mean, I know the man is fat, but that's no reason to call him a hippo . . ." House24fan looked at Tiana weirdly. Many other people were also giving Tiana this strange look, as they had never heard of the term 'hippo' before, other than for an abbreviation for the animal, hippopotamus.

"Hypocrite," Tiana clarified, nodding as she did so. Other people began to nod to, albeit, they were still quite confused by the term. BBC made a mental note to write this down at some point, so that s/he wouldn't forget it.

"Oh, that makes sense," House24fan nodded. "Yeah, he is being a hippo! Why the cancellation? Maybe he's jelly of all the attention we're getting. But wait, that doesn't make sense either! Our show gets more attention, and he makes more money, so that can't be it."

"Jelly?" Tiana asked, lifting an eyebrow, and completely ignoring the rest of House24fan's musings. And people thought 'hippo' was weird? Language is a very strange thing, that could certainly be agreed upon.

"Jealous," House24fan clarified. People had begun to take out notebooks and copy down this strange lingo that they had never heard before. LBP, using both words in her everyday life, wondered why people had never heard of these terms before.

"We have a wonderful new show that would be perfect for your spot," the man from scheduling growled, a wolfish smile in his lips. He was ignoring the chatter around him, and he had a crazy gleam in his eye, as if he actually believed he was a rabid dog. LBP was frightened, and also wondered if she would need a rabies shot in the near future. Or if any of the reviewers needed rabies shots. "'Are You Smarter than Kim Bauer?' It's sure to be a hit." Despite her fury at the cancellation of her own show, LBP couldn't help but grin. She still had that blank, dazed look in her eyes, and she still couldn't move due to the reaction of their cancellation, but she could still hear just fine.

"Wouldn't 'Are You Smarter than Audrey Raines' be better? Or 'Are You Smarter than Morris O'Brian?" skycloud86 asked serenely. Paul glared at her, as did Audrey. Morris, however, was distracted by a butterfly and hadn't noticed that he had even been insulted.

"No, 'Are You Smarter than Kim Bauer?' is fine," jackxnina15 interjected. The man from scheduling slunk off, looking pleased with the job he had done, and the chaos he had stirred. "But that still doesn't make it okay that they're cancelling this show! It just doesn't make sense to me . . . we're a hit, aren't we?"

"Your mom doesn't make sense," BBA, who is actually now BBC, muttered under his/her breath. Everyone glared at him/her, as the perverted/lame jokes had already ended. Nevertheless, people sighed in agreement. "But I agree. WTF, man?"

"Let's go throw tomatoes at Mr. Foxy!" Vadergirl2006 shouted, pulling out the tomato bucket from the show. "At Bauer's end the sections are prepared!" she began to sing.

"The Almeidas, they're straining at the leash!" Stratus5 hollered back.

"Students, workers, everyone! There's a river on the run! Like the flowing of the tide, Foxy Studio coming to our side!" House24fan added.

"The time is near," happyhooligan2001 began. "So near, it's stirring the blood in their veins. And yet beware, don't let the fame go to your brains! For the army we fight is a dangerous foe, with the men and the arms that we never can match. Oh, it's easy to sit here and swat them like flies, but the security guards will be harder to catch!" He paused, to take in a deep breath. He then finished, "We need a sign, to rally the people, to call them to arms, to bring them in line!"

The reviewers, and some of the stars, began to come arm themselves with tomatoes. "Do you hear the people sing? Singing the song of angry men? It is the music of the people who will not be slaves again! When the beating of your heart, echoes the beating of the drums, there is a life about to start when tomorrow comes!" happyhooligan2001 was leading the rallying cry, skipping over LBP's favorite part in the Red and Black song but it was a good segue way nonetheless.

"Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? Beyond the studio is there a world you long to see?" Vadergirl2006 sang after him. LBP was actually amazed that people were using her second, no wait, third favorite song from Les Miserables as a rallying cry.

"Then join in the fight that will give you the right to be free!" House24fan hollered.

Everyone began to sing, "Do you hear the people sing? Singing the song of angry men? It is the music of the people who will not be slaves again! When the beating of your heart, echoes the beating of the drums, there is a life about to start when tomorrow comes!"

"Will you give all you can give so that a TV show may advance? Some will fall and some will live, will you stand up and take your chance?" Stratus5 sang out. "The blood of the martyrs will water the meadows of the studio!"

"No!" LBP exclaimed loudly, finally coming out of her stupor. Everyone froze and gave her a confused look. Some of them were disappointed that the parody had ended. "If we throw tomatoes at him, then he'll cancel our show without hearing us out! I'll go down and meet Mr. Foxy. Maybe I can convince him to keep our show alive," she explained, brushing bangs out of her eyes.

"Who are you going to bring with you?" Tiana asked. "Y'know, to make Mr. Foxy see reason. I can't believe he's canceling the show! This is madness!"

"THIS! IS! SPARTA!" House24Fan screamed.

"Did you just do that?" Happyhooligan2001 asked. "Really? Did you really just do that?" House24Fan looked sheepish, while Stratus5 was laughing, among with a few others.

"300 is fierce," BBC said.

"I freaking love Christian Siriano and Tyra Banks," LBP interjected, snapping her fingers. "Anyway, I'm gonna go down to Foxy studios and hopefully get this whole mess resolved."

"What if you can't get it resolved?" Michelle asked. "What will happen to us?" By "us" she meant all the characters that had died, and been brought back to life by the show. "Will we die again?"

"I don't know," LBP admitted, looking down at her feet. "I still say that nothing is set in stone yet, so don't worry about it." She tried putting on a brave face, but ended up just scowling. Somewhere in the studio, Chloe was pulling the same face.

"And what about those of us who have cultivated relationships?" Milo asked, batting his eyelashes. It was creepy. "Like Jamey and I?"

"I would hardly call that a relationship," Toxichi-BK-JA, who will now be called Toby, muttered under her breath. "Stalker with a crush, if you ask me."

"I am not a stalker!" Milo wailed.

"Comma, Officer," Vadergirl2006 added cheekily. "Dude, the only person who is more of a creeper than you is Edward Cullen. Well, I guess that doesn't count, cuz he's a vampire and all. And like, dead and stuff. But still! Creeper!"

Milo suddenly looked flattered. "You're comparing me to Edward Cullen?" he let out a girlish squeal. "Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" He skipped off into the sunset, sparkling all the while. Milo had purposely poured glitter all over himself, to make it seem like he sparkled in the sunlight, hoping to attract girls that were obsessed with Twilight. It didn't work.

"I hope LBP isn't bringing Milo with her," skycloud86 muttered. "Hey, LBP, who are you bringing with you to Foxy studios?"

"Well, since I can't separate Josh from Vadergirl2006 anymore . . . hmm, I can't bring Nina," LBP was muttering to herself. "I can't bring Jamey, Jack has a standing restraining order against Mr. Foxy, I brought Tony and Michelle last time, and Audrey's a bimbo . . . oy! Chloe!"

"What?" Chloe asked, annoyed. She and Jack had just emerged from a random corridor. Her hair was ruffled, and she and Jack were both panting really hard. Before your perverted minds take that any farther, they were merely taking a walk, some ninjas attacked them, one of them had a blow dryer and messed up Chloe's hair, and Jack beat them up. Fearing that the ninjas were like Sand People and would return in greater numbers, Jack and Chloe got the hell out of there.

"Come with me to Foxy studios!" LBP hollered.

"Why?" Chloe and Jack asked in unison. Teri was watching from nearby, beginning to realize that perhaps she was taking a back seat, and even though Jack would always love her, it was time for her to let go. She sighed. Jack looked at her questioningly, but she shook her head in response. Now wasn't the time to discuss it.

"How much do you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?" LBP quoted one of her favorite movies of all time. "C'mon, Chloe! Don't make me bring Kim!" she whined.

"No need," one of the producers handed LBP a phone. "It's Mr. Foxy for you, ma'am."

Nervously, LBP grabbed the phone. "Hello?" she asked quietly. "You needed to speak to me, Mr. Foxy?"

"Yes. I'm glad I found you. I was wondering if you had seen Jim," Mr. Foxy said good-naturedly.

"Who is Jim?" LBP asked.

"Ask him why he's canceling 24 Idol!" hollered jackxnina15.

"And why he's replacing it with 'Are You Smarter Than Kim Bauer?'" Stratus5 added.

"Canceling 24 Idol?" Mr. Foxy sounded flabbergasted, and utterly bewildered. "Why would I cancel one of our greatest shows? And why would I replace it with a rejected game show?"

"Someone from scheduling told me that 24 Idol was cancelled!" LBP spoke up, hoping that she hadn't just ruined the future of her show.

"That would be Jim," Mr. Foxy sounded frustrated. "I've been meaning to fire him for ages. He's lost his mind, you see, and it's imperative for the studio that we find him soon."

"Oh. We'll find him for you, Mr. Foxy," LBP said assuredly. "Don't you worry about that crazy guy from scheduling. We'll deal with him." Nodding twice more, LBP hung up the phone. With that, she had started to laugh, a laugh that echoed around the studio. Many people stared at her, and she said, clapping her hands together as she did so, "Guys! We're not cancelled! Now, c'mon, we have a show to run!"

_This week_

"Welcome to 24 Idol!" LBP announced, the bright lights nearly blinding her. Jim, the guy from scheduling had not been seen since last week. It unnerved her slightly, but she was comforted by the fact that her show wasn't cancelled. "I'm pleased to welcome our judges Marie Warner and Paul Raines, joined by our guest judge Aaron Pierce!"

"What happened to Graem? Is he still in the hospital?" Toby asked. "Will he come back and judge when he feels better? I hope not."

"Yup. Until then, Aaron is our guest judge!" LBP announced. "So, without further ado, I'm going to start our show tonight." The audience cheered, and LBP couldn't help but smile. "First up, is Jack Bauer, singing Don't Fear the Reaper."

"You better do well on this, Bumblebee," Teri said warningly, as her husband approached the microphone. "You know how much I like this song!"

"Bumblebee?" jackxnina15 cackled. "Jack Bauer, one of the most feared men in the world, has the nickname Bumblebee? I love you couples and your wacky-ass nicknames for each other." She was still giggling even after Jack had given her a patented glare of doom.

"Chloe!" Jack whined like a five year old. "She's being so mean to me and I dun like it!" He pouted his lip and pointed at jackxnina15, who was still cracking up on the floor. The baby voice caused her to crack up harder, and she was gasping for breath.

"Jack, I only listen to big boys," Chloe said patronizingly, wondering what had happened to the Jack that she had been with after the show last week; the one that beat up the ninjas for her. "And is that a big boy voice?" Jack stamped his foot, folded his arms, and scowled.

"I know somebody who won't get ice cream later," Teri said warningly. For some reason, the thought of ice cream brought Jack out of his stupor, and he seemed to return to his mature presence. "You're welcome," Teri muttered bitterly, walking away sadly. Chloe said nothing, though the air was riddled with awkwardness. Jack's circle of girlfriends was cheering for him, and they were all trying to get past each other so they could glomp him.

Jack grabbed the microphone, very confused about his ex-wife's mood swing, and began to sing her favorite song. Kind of ironic that he chose it, no?

_All our times have come  
Here but now they're gone  
Seasons don't fear the reaper  
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain_

_We can be like they are  
Come on baby_

_Don't fear the reaper  
Baby take my hand_

_Don't fear the reaper  
We'll be able to fly_

_Don't fear the reaper  
Baby I'm your man_

_Valentine is done  
Here but now they're gone  
Romeo and Juliet  
Are together in eternity_

_Romeo and Juliet  
40,000 men and women everyday_

_Like Romeo and Juliet  
40,000 men and women everyday_

_Redefine happiness  
Another 40,000 coming everyday_

_We can be like they are  
_

_Come on baby_

_Don't fear the reaper  
Baby take my hand_

_Don't fear the reaper  
We'll be able to fly_

_Don't fear the reaper  
Baby I'm your man..._

_Love of two is one  
Here but now they're gone  
Came the last night of sadness  
And it was clear she couldn't go on  
Then the door was open and the wind appeared  
The candles blew then disappeared  
The curtains flew then he appeared_

_Saying don't be afraid  
Come on baby_

_And she had no fear  
And she ran to him_

_Then they started to fly  
They looked backward and said goodbye_

_She had become like they are  
She had taken his hand_

_She had become like they are  
Come on baby_

_Don't fear the reaper_

Aaron was first to speak. "I have a fever . . . and the only prescription is more cowbell!" The audience laughed and clapped at the SNL reference. Those who had not heard of the skit merely looked confused and said nothing. "Jack, that was pretty good. A great way to open the show, and I'm so glad you chose this song. It suits you perfectly."

"It's actually kind of scary," Marie said wasting no time in speaking. "This song was perfect for you. You did a nice job with it. I can't say anything else." She slapped the table for good measure. "Woo!"

"I didn't like it. I felt like there wasn't enough emotion in your eyes. You were very cold toward your audience, and I don't think the reviewers are going to appreciate that," Paul said while Jack continued to nod. The audience booed him. "But hey, what do I know? I'm just a judge."

"Where's Mr. Snuggles?" Stratus5 asked randomly, realizing that no chaos had ensued yet. "I haven't seen that teddy bear in awhile."

"Oh," Milo said distantly. "I didn't even notice it was gone. I stopped missing it because you kept taking him away from me. I got a new stuffed animal!" He held out a stuffed kitty. "His name is Mr. Kitty-Cat," Milo said proudly. "I named him all by myself!"

"I got it!" BBC announced proudly, holding up Mr. Snuggles triumphantly in the air. "I finally got the stupid bear!" Milo, seeing his favorite teddy bear in sight, instantly dropped Mr. Kitty-Cat and sprinted after BBC, with his crowbar en tow.

"What the hell?" House24fan asked. "Isn't it my job to steal Mr. Snuggles?"

"Nah," Stratus5 said. "Your job is follow people the people who have Mr. Snuggles in a Phantom of the Opera-esque way." House24fan swished her cloak and proceeded to follow BBC in the aforementioned way.

"Some things will never change!" Tiana said fondly, wiping a tear from her eye. "Good thing too, otherwise, I'd have nothing to laugh at."

"I'm sure you'd find plenty to laugh at," House24fan said innocently from the darkness of the side stage. "We're all just a ball of energy and sunshine and fun."

"Compared to what? Milo?" happyhooligan2001 retorted.

"Well, he sparkles in the sunlight now," jackxnina15 had to refrain from laughing as she said that. She was still giggling from Jack being called 'Bumblebee'. "So, technically, we are less shiny than he is."

"I'm pretty sure that's a good thing," Stratus5 nodded sagely. "I don't know about you, but I definitely do not want to sparkle in the damn sunlight. It'd make going to the beach a pain."

"Agreed," LBP said. "Next up, is Tony Almeida, singing by Hero by Chad Kroeger. I love that song. You have no idea how amazing I think it is! Take it away, Tony!" The crowd cheered as Tony came on stage. LBP reflected that this song wasn't quite a lovey-dovey song like those he had chosen the past two weeks. She hoped that would help him and not hurt him.

He adjusted the microphone, and cleared his throat. Girls swooned, because let's face it; evil or good, everybody loves Tony freakin' Almeida.

_I am so high, I can hear heaven.  
I am so high, I can hear heaven.  
Oh but heaven, no heaven don't hear me._

_And they say that a hero can save us.  
I'm not gonna stand here and wait.  
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles.  
Watch as we all fly away._

_Someone told me that love would all save us.  
But how can that be?  
Look what love gave us.  
A world full of killing, and blood-spilling, that  
world never came._

_And they say that a hero can save us.  
I'm not gonna stand here and wait.  
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles.  
Watch as we all fly away._

_Now that the world isn't ending, it's love that I'm sending to you.  
It isn't the love of a hero, that's why I fear it won't do._

_And they say that a hero can save us.  
I'm not gonna stand here and wait.  
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles.  
Watch as we all fly away._

_And they're watching us (Watching us)  
They're watching us (watching us) as we all fly away.  
And they're watching us (Watching us)  
They're watching us (watching us) as we all fly away.  
And they're watching us (Watching us)  
They're watching us (watching us) as we all fly away._

"Tony," Marie said slowly. "I have to ask you a very serious question before I give you my critique." Tony nodded for her to continue. "This week, you chose a very serious song, with a very dark theme. Why didn't you stick to the lovey-dovey songs you delivered to us the last two weeks?"

"I think that showing diversity is a good thing in this competition, and I wanted to show right off the bat that I'm not confined to one type of song," Tony answered truthfully. Marie nodded a few times, as did Paul and Aaron. This made everybody nervous.

"Well, that being said, I think you were brilliant," Marie said, shaking her head. "There's no other way to put it. Well done. I personally think this song would be more suited for Jack, but I liked the performance you gave us. Well done."

"I agree completely," Aaron said. "Marie said it best, and there's no way to dispute it. For the future, I just think that maybe you could work on your high register, as it is a little pitchier as you get higher. It happens with all singers, but you have to make it so the difficulty in the upper range goes unnoticed."

"Aaron gives insightful comments, and Graem is just down right mean," Sarah said. Everyone refrained from glaring at her, as she had quite the valid point. "Why can't Aaron stay instead of having Graem come back?" People actually cheered at her words. LBP wondered if the apocalypse was on its way.

"If we have our way, Graem will never come back," skycloud86 muttered. "It's not like he'll come out of his comatose state any time soon."

"The comatose state we put him in," House24fan said with a dreamy sigh. "That was the best thing we ever did."

"Oh, but naturally. But shut up now, I want to hear what Paul has to say," Stratus5 said good-naturedly. How you tell someone to shut up with a good nature is beyond me, but whatever.

"I really liked that, Tony. You know, I don't think you have to worry about taking a backseat to Jack in this competition. You really are a front-runner. You truly, truly are. Kudos!"

"Sounds like good reviews overall! Good job, Tony!" LBP congratulated him. "Next up is David Palmer singing Fall Away by The Fray. Now, I have a question. What is with all you old people and singing The Fray? I mean, don't get me wrong, I like The Fray as much as the next person, but still . . ."

However, LBP's rant/observation was ignored as David Palmer came out on stage. People cheered loudly for him, and he smiled. Briefly, he reflected on how they used to cheer for him because he was the President. Now, he was just a man, singing for votes in a contest. Life was strange that way.

_You swear you recall nothing at all  
That could make you come back down  
You made up your mind to leave it all behind  
Now you're forced to fight it out_

_You fall away from your past  
But it's following you  
you fall away from your past  
But it's following you_

_You left something undone, it's now your rerun  
It's the one you can't erase  
You should have made it right, so you wouldn't have to fight  
To put a smile back on your face_

_You fall away from your past  
But it's following you  
You fall away from your past  
But it's following you_

_You fall away  
You fall away_

_Something I've done that I can't outrun  
Something I've done that I can't outrun  
Maybe you should wait maybe you should run  
There's something you've said that can't be undone_

_And you fall away from your past  
But it's following you_

_You fall away from your past_

_But it's following you now_

_You fall away from your past_

_It's following you now_

_You fall away from your past_

_But it's following you_

_You fall away  
It's following you_

_You fall away_

_It's following you_

_You fall away_

_It's following you_

_You fall away_

"David, I hope you don't mind my saying so, but that song wasn't really quite your style," Aaron muttered. When Marie gave him a look that clearly read, 'You're a judge, why do you care what he thinks?' Aaron replied, "It's a Secret Service thing."

"I agree and disagree," Marie said, filling her fingernails. " I agree that wasn't quite your style. But, for it not being your style, I think you did it quite well. This song tells a story, and you portrayed that story quite nicely. There are other, older, songs you could've chosen, but that one was just fine."

"Paul?" LBP asked. "What did you think of David's performance?"

"Really, just, terrible. I don't know what drug Jack slipped Marie and Aaron, because that performance was just . . . ugh." The crowd booed him, and he swiveled around to face them. "I'm a bloody judge! If you don't like what I say, that's fine, but there's no need to boo me."

"You stink! You don't even know what you're talking about half the time!" screamed Stratus5.

"Neither does anyone else on the real American Idol. I think we'll be okay," Tiana said, patting Stratus5's arm. "Hey! Milo left his kitty. Should we pick it up?"

"Nah, I think he'll be okay," House24fan said, picking the cat up off the stage, and hiding it away. "For now, anyway. He's too busy chasing BBC all around the studio for Mr. Snuggles. Seriously, I think he'll be okay."

Milo soon proved her wrong, by wailing, "Where'd Mr. Kitty-Cat go? He and Mr. Snuggles never got to meet!"

"And they never will meet!" cackled BBC.

"Hey, House24fan? Aren't you supposed to be following her/him in a PotO-esque way?" Toby asked serenely.

"Oh yeah!" House24fan smacked herself in the forehead for nearly forgetting. "Thanks for reminding me!"

"Next up," LBP announced, hoping distract people from Mr. Snuggles and -Cat. "Is Keeler, singing . . . Heartless by Kayne West? Really?" He came on stage, waving to the audience. There was no response. No one breathed, and there were no crickets chirping. "Did you and David decide that you'd try to be hip this week?" she asked.

"Well, actually, we were planning on wearing matching ties . . ." Keeler said, laughing. Once he realized that no one found him funny, he cleared his throat. "I'll just sing, then?"

"I think that'd be best," happyhooligan2001 muttered. "No one likes you, anyway."

_In the night I hear 'em talk,  
The coldest story ever told,  
Somewhere far along this road  
He lost his soul  
To a woman so heartless...  
How could you be so heartless... oh  
How could you be so heartless?_

_How could you be so,  
Cold as the winter wind when it breeze yo  
Just remember that you talking to me yo  
You need to watch the way you talking to me you know  
I mean after all the things that we been through  
I mean after all the things we got into  
And yo I know of some things that you ain't told me  
And yo I did some things but that's the old me  
And now you wanna get me back  
And you gon' show me  
So you walk around like you don't know me  
You got a new friend  
Well I got homies  
But in the end it's still so lonely_

_In the night I hear 'em talk,  
The coldest story ever told,  
Somewhere far along this road  
He lost his soul  
To a woman so heartless...  
How could you be so heartless... oh  
How could you be so heartless?_

_How could you be so Dr. Evil  
You're bringing out a side of me that I don't know  
I decided we weren't gonna speak so why we up 3 a.m. on the phone  
Why does she be so mad at me for, homie I don't know she's hot and cold  
I won't stop, won't mess my groove up cause I already know how this thing goes,  
You run and tell your friends that you're leavin' me  
They say that they don't see what you see in me  
You wait a couple months then you gon' see,  
You'll never find nobody better than me_

_In the night I hear 'em talk,  
The coldest story ever told,  
Somewhere far along this road  
He lost his soul  
To a woman so heartless...  
How could you be so heartless... oh  
How could you be so heartless?_

_Talkin', talkin', talkin', talk,  
Baby lets just knock it off  
They don't know what we been through  
They don't know 'bout me and you  
So I got something new to see  
And you just gon' keep hatin' me  
And we just gon' be enemies  
I know you can't believe  
I could just leave it wrong  
and you can't make it right  
Im gon' take off tonight  
Into the night..._

_In the night I hear 'em talk,  
The coldest story ever told,  
Somewhere far along this road  
He lost his soul  
To a woman so heartless...  
How could you be so heartless... oh  
How could you be so heartless?_

"Keeler, I can appreciate your attempt to connect with the young people," Marie began, heading off any comment Paul or Aaron would give. "But, like Sarah, you have no passion in your eyes, and you picked a horrible song to sing to! This performance was just . . . bad." She shook her head and continued, "My prediction for next week is that you and Sarah will go home. If you prove me wrong, I guarantee you won't last long unless you chose better songs, and gives us more entertainment value! Let's face it: you suck. No one likes you."

"Now, that's not entirely fair, Marie," Aaron interjected. The reviewers rolled their eyes. They all hated him, and though they understood that he had the whole Secret Service bug in their minds, and that man was once a President, they had no interest in listening to Aaron defending Keeler. "Marie, there's no reason to be an Inspector Javert, terrifying people so that they can't defend themselves."

"Really? You're calling me Javert?" Marie shrugged. "A compliment in my eyes. Continue."

"Keeler, sir, I think you need to stop picking recent songs. They don't work for you. But good effort on your part."

"Aaron!" screamed jackxnina15. "Stop being so nice! Just let the douche bag get the comments he deserves!"

"Keeler, I actually thought he was wonderful," Paul began. With that, House24fan jumped down from the ceiling, knocking Paul unconscious with a crowbar.

"That's just great!" LBP exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. "We have no third judge now! Uggh, I have to make phone calls! I hate talking on the phone! God, imagine if I had to get Morris to come judge! It'd be like having a fish head sitting in that chair, except smellier!"

"I'll do it!" Milo offered hesitantly. Everyone stared at him. "I know no one likes me, but I promise to be a really good judge!" Everyone shrugged, preferring him rather than Morris, and Milo delightedly took a seat in the third chair. "Ooh! It's so comfy!"

House24fan looked rather annoyed, as did BBC. They couldn't taunt him, when he was judging the other contestants. "Well now what are we gonna do?" BBC whined.

"We could . . . go make fun of Chloe for being married to Morris?" House24fan suggested.

"Don't make fun of Chloe. I'll lay the smack down on you both," happyhooligan2001 growled. By the look on his face, they didn't doubt him. "Why don't you two go make fun of Audrey for being a bimbo or something?"

"That's a great idea! And then we can go play CTU Agent and Terrorist in the rafters with Tony and Jack!" BBC jumped and darted off to find Audrey.

"Wait! You're going to play 'CTU Agent and Terrorist'?" Stratus5 asked. "I wanna come!" She ran after them.

"You wanna play 'CTU Agent and Terrorist'?" jackxnina15 asked Tiana. "We can start a sleeper cell that totally gets unnoticed by the President until it's way too late for him to do anything." Tiana shrugged, and they followed the others.

Vadergirl2006 was clinging happily to Josh. "Can we get on with it? Please? We have five auditions to go!"

"That's right," LBP said, smacking herself in the forehead. "We do have five auditions to go. All right, let's get a move on with it, then. Okay, then, next up is Adam, singing Story of a Girl!"

"This is for Chloe. I love you, Chloe, and I always will," Adam said, grabbing the microphone. Chloe looked ready to throw up, Jack was too busy playing 'CTU Agent and Terrorist' in the rafters to pay attention to what Adam was saying about Chloe, and Morris was still chasing the butterfly from last week. Claudia, Teri, Kate and Nina all laughed. Diane felt sorry for Chloe, even though Chloe was mean to her.

"Wow, I don't think we could ever have guessed that," muttered happyhooligan2001.

_This is the story of a girl  
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world  
And while she looked so sad in photographs  
I absolutely love her  
When she smiles_

_Now how many days in a year  
She woke up with hope  
But she only found tears  
And I can be so insincere  
Making her promises never for real  
As long as she stands there waiting  
Wearing the holes in the soles of her shoes  
Now how many days disappear  
When you look in the mirror  
So how do you choose_

_Your clothes never wear as well the next day  
And your hair never falls in quite the same way  
You never seem to run out of things to say_

_This is the story of a girl  
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world  
And while she looked so sad in photographs  
I absolutely love her  
When she smiles_

_Now how many lovers would stay  
Just to put up with this shit  
day after day  
Now how did we wind up this way  
Watching our mouths for the words that we say  
As long as we stand here waiting  
Wearing the clothes or the soles that we choose  
Now how do we get there today  
When we're walking too far for the price of our shoes_

_Your clothes never wear as well the next day  
And your hair never falls in quite the same way  
You never seem to run out of things to say_

_This is the story of a girl  
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world  
And while she looked so sad in photographs  
I absolutely love her  
When she smiles_

_Well your clothes never wear as well the next day  
And your hair never falls in quite the same way  
You never seem to run out of things to say_

_This is the story of a girl  
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world  
And while she looked so sad in photographs  
I absolutely love her  
When she smiles_

_This is the story of a girl  
Whose pretty face she hid from the world  
And while she looks so sad in photographs  
I absolutely love her_

_This is the story of a - girl  
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world  
And while she looked so sad in photographs  
I absolutely love her  
When she smiles  
When she smiles!_

"Adam," Milo said quietly. "Let it go, man. You're losing a fighting battle, and to be honest? There's no way you can compete with Jack. So just . . . just let it go, man."

"Who are you trying to convince?" Adam asked. "Me or you?"

"Ho snap," the audience murmured. The group of people playing 'CTU Agents and Terrorists' didn't notice, although it seemed to look like the terrorists were momentarily winning. The CTU agents were heavily outnumbered, and Jack was warding off three people at once.

"I liked it! Admittedly, you totally sound like a creeper now, but you know what? That was a respectable performance. I know you were only in one season, but I think you'll be in our competition for quite awhile," Marie said. "Hey, did anyone else notice that I'm the only original judge not left in a coma?"

"That can be changed," House24fan said brightly, standing over an unconscious Tiana. "Whoops, sorry, Tiana," she giggled.

"I think you have a very strong voice, and you're in a lot pain because you can't have Chloe," Aaron said, uneasily watching the games being played in the rafters above them. Happyhooligan2001 made retching noises from the audience. "And that came through in your song. Good job. I hope to see you next week."

"DUDE!" screamed Tiana, who clearly was all right even though House24fan had bludgeoned her with the crowbar. Everyone looked up at the rafters. Tiana was glaring at House24fan, and Tony and BBC were glaring at Jack. "This isn't fair! You have crowbars, and Jack's using the Vulcan Neck Pinch on people! We have nothing!"

"Yeah!" Tony cried. "Jack's cheating! 'Chelley! Jack's cheating!"

"Nu-uh!" Jack responded. "Tony's got karate skillz. Just cuz he isn't using them doesn't mean you don't got nothin'."

"Play nice, or you're all gonna get a timeout!" Michelle said warningly. "If I hear one more complaint about this game, you'll all be put in a fifteen minute timeout, and no one will get ice cream!"

"Aww, man," Tony and Jack muttered.

"Even us?" Stratus5 and jackxnina15 asked. Michelle nodded, giving everyone in the rafters an icy glare. "We didn't even do anything!" Michelle continued to glare at the pair of them, and they both decided that getting down from the rafters was a good idea before they were put in timeout.

"Sorry Michelle," Jack muttered, looking sheepishly at his feet.

"Yeah, sorry, 'Chelle," Tony muttered.

Michelle's look softened, and she said gently, "That's all right. Now, go back to playing." Those in the rafters cheered, and it seemed all had been settled. Michelle's smile was warm and soft, as she looked at Tony scamper about in the rafters.

"Are we done yet?" LBP asked, narrowing her eyes at all that had disrupted her. "I'd like to finish tonight's show, if you don't mind. There's a rabid man from scheduling lurking about, and I'd prefer to run into him when the cameras aren't rolling."

"Who is next to sing, anyway?" Stratus5 asked, dangling dangerously from a nearby rope.

"Errm, next is Lynn McGill singing Don't Stop Believing. Really? That's what you choose? Don't Stop Believing? Well, each to his own. That reminds me. I like Glee. And I can't wait until it comes back on TV," LBP announced.

Lynn came out, and watched the ceiling nervously for any falling sandbags. To be honest, he was just happy to still be in the competition. "Thank you everyone," he said, as he adjusted the microphone.

_Just a small town girl  
Livin' in a lonely world  
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere_

_Just a city boy  
Born and raised in south Detroit  
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere_

_A singer in a smoky room  
A smell of wine and cheap perfume  
For a smile they can share the night  
It goes on and on and on and on_

_Strangers waiting  
Up and down the boulevard  
Their shadows searching in the night  
Streetlight people  
Living just to find emotion  
Hiding somewhere in the night_

_Working hard to get my fill  
Everybody wants a thrill  
Payin' anything to roll the dice just one more time_

_Some will win, some will lose  
Some were born to sing the blues  
Oh, the movie never ends  
It goes on and on and on and on_

_Strangers waiting  
Up and down the boulevard  
Their shadows searching in the night  
Streetlight people  
Living just to find emotion  
Hiding somewhere in the night_

_Don't stop believin'  
Hold on to that feelin'  
Streetlight people_

_Don't stop believin'  
Hold on  
Streetlight people_

_Don't stop believin'  
Hold on to that feelin'  
Streetlight people_

"Ooh, I just got chills," LBP said once Lynn had finished. "But that's because it's freezing in here. Who the hell made it colder in here?"

"No one, ma'am," a nearby janitor said, cowering under LBP's angry glare. "We turned the air off in an attempt to be greener."

"How the fuck is this studio cooler then? Aren't we going through Global Warming?" LBP demanded. "Go fetch me a blanket! Or fix the temperature!" Sweetly, she turned to the judges, and asked, "Well, what did you guys think of Lynn's performance?"

"That's really not a song you should sing in a competition. It's familiar, but it's way difficult. Still, you pulled it off very nicely and I-oh bloody hell!" Marie exclaimed as the sprinklers turned on, and everyone started to get wet.

"I am so firing the next janitor I see!" LBP bellowed. A poor unfortunate soul happened to stumble upon her path. "You! You're fired!" she screeched and pointed at the poor soul. Alas, it was poor Sweepy who had been given the proverbial pink envelope. Good-bye, Sweepy.

Blankets were soon provided for LBP, the judges, and the audience that wasn't up in the rafters playing. They still hadn't noticed all the commotion that had been occurring below them. "M-m-Milo?" LBP shivered, wrapping the blanket tighter around her.

"It was good," Milo, clearly impervious to the cold, said. "The high notes were clear, and it was enjoyable to listen to. I think that you'll be around for a while. You might even make it to the finale." Some people snorted at these words, but applauded Milo nonetheless. Aaron nodded his agreement, having nothing else to say.

"KABOOM!" Jack screamed, causing people to look up. "Haha, I win! I told you if I were a terrorist, the world would implode! And it did, cuz my diabolical plan succeeded!" he cackled to a bemused Tony.

"No it didn't!" Tony exclaimed, scowling. "You just agreed to be a terrorist, and then you shouted, 'Kaboom!' You didn't even do anything. You didn't even tell me what your plan was supposed to be."

"We need more Lemon Pledge," Jack said, matter-of-factly.

"Jack! Ten minutes in time out!" Audrey tried to reprimand him, but he gave her a blank stare. She blushed as the members of Jack's girlfriend ring giggled and pointed at her.

"He didn't even do anything," Michelle muttered, trying not to giggle at Audrey's stupidity. "Go back to playing, boys." Both men nodded and pretended to shoot each other with imaginary guns. Both men clearly forgot they both had gun holsters and could shoot each other for real.

"Next up," LBP announced, hoping Jack and Tony could just solve their issues without interrupting her show. "Tom Baker, singing Bohemian Rhapsody." She paused for a moment, and said quietly, "This is gonna be a train wreck."

_Is this the real life?_

_Is this just fantasy?  
Caught in a landslide,_

_No escape from reality  
Open your eyes,_

_Look up to the skies and see,  
I'm just a poor boy,_

_I need no sympathy  
Because I'm easy come, easy go,_

_Little high, little low  
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me_

Mama, just killed a man,

_Put a gun against his head  
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead  
Mama, life had just begun  
But now I've gone and thrown it all away  
Mama, ooh, Didn't mean to make you cry  
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow  
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters_

_Too late, my time has come  
Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time  
Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go  
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth  
Mama, ooh, I don't want to die  
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all_

_I see a little silhouetto of a man  
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango  
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very fright'ning me  
(Galileo.) Galileo. (Galileo.) Galileo, Galileo figaro  
Magnifico. I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me  
He's just a poor boy from a poor family  
Spare him his life from this monstrosity  
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go  
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go  
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go  
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go  
(Let me go.) Will not let you go  
(Let me go.) Will not let you go. (Let me go.) Ah  
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.  
(Oh mama mia, mama mia.) Mama mia, let me go  
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me_

_So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye  
So you think you can love me and leave me to die  
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby  
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here_

_Nothing really matters, Anyone can see  
Nothing really matters  
Nothing really matters to me_

_Any way the wind blows_

"Wow. Just, wow, Tom," Aaron said. "That was ridiculously impressive, and much better from your drunken stupor last week. Seriously, anyone who can do all four voices in Bohemian Rhapsody at once . . . wow."

"I totally agree," Marie said. "Y'know, I was a little worried when I saw you were gonna sing that, especially given your performance last week. But, you know what? You proved me wrong. You proved everyone else wrong, and I hope you're proud of that fact. Excellent job!"

"We have wow and excellent," LBP said. "Would you like to add anything, Milo?"

"I think, the voters have no need to type out Tom fan-freakin-tastic Baker when the time comes to vote!" Milo said, slapping the table. The audience cheered loudly, and the people who were playing CTU Agents and Terrorists had even stopped to listen to the commentary. Satisfied with that bit, they went back to their game. Jack was finding that being a terrorist was harder than it sounded.

"I'm bored! Can we go get ice cream now?" Jack whined. The others cheered their agreement, and nearly flew out of the studio. LBP stared, wondering how they had all gotten down from the rafters without getting hurt.

"Get me a coffee ice cream with cookie dough inside!" she hollered after them.

"Look at that big hole in the studio wall," Toby pointed out the hole they had all gotten out of. "Something, or someone could get through that no problem. I bet they could even drag another person through that, and no one would ever know!"

LBP made a mental note to have that patched up. She was still thinking about the rabid guy from scheduling that was on the loose. "Next up, is Chase Edmunds, singing Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana! Go Chase!"

_She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak  
I've been locked inside your Heart Shaped box, for weeks  
I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap  
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black_

_Hey!  
Wait!  
I've got a new complaint  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice  
hey  
wait  
I've got a new complaint  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice  
Hey!  
Wait!  
I've got a new complaint  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice_

_...your advice_

_Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet  
Cut myself on Angel Hair and baby's breath  
Broken hymen of your highness I'm left black  
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back_

_Hey!  
Wait!  
I've got a new complaint  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice  
hey!  
Wait!  
I've got a new complaint  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice  
Hey!  
Wait!  
I've got a new complaint  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice  
...Your advice_

_She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak  
I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box for weeks  
I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap  
I wish I could Eat your cancer when you turn black_

_Hey!  
Wait!  
I've got a new complaint  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice  
hey!  
wait!  
I've got a new complaint  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice  
Hey!  
Wait!  
I've got a new complaint  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice  
Your advice  
Your advice  
Your advice_

"That was dark and morbid. But, you finally let us understand what they were originally sang," Marie said. "I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I want you to sing another Goo Goo Dolls song. They're more suited to your vocal style."

"I disagree. I thought the grunge was perfect for Chase," Aaron said. Milo nodded after Aaron's words, indicating he agreed with Aaron. "If you can, I want you to sing Soundgarden at some point. I think you'd be really good at singing their songs."

"Black hole sun, won't you come? And wash away the rain?" LBP and anyone else who knew the song sang along in a drunken manner, even though none of them were drunk.

"MARIA!" Reza pushed Chase aside. Chase looked ready to smack a bitch.

"NO!" Marie screeched, smacking Reza across the face, and beating Chase to what he wanted to do. "GET OUT OF MY LIFE OR I'M GETTING JACK TO COME HUNT YOU DOWN!" she screeched. Reza seemed to get the hint, and slunk out of the room.

"Our final performance of the night," LBP announced once Reza had disappeared. "George Mason, singing Mississippi Queen!" LBP had her Rockband guitar ready for when Mason started singing.

_Mississippi Queen,_

_If you know what I mean  
Mississippi Queen,_

_She taught me everything  
Way down around Vicksburg,_

_Around Louisiana way  
Lived a cajun lady, _

_We called her Mississippi Queen  
You know she was a dancer  
She moved better on wine_

_While the rest of them dudes were'a gettin' their kicks,  
Buddy, beg your pardon,_

_I was getting mine!_

_Mississippi Queen,_

_If you know what I mean  
Mississippi Queen, _

_She taught me everything  
This lady she asked me,_

_If I would be her man  
You know that I told her,_

_I'd do what I can  
To keep her looking pretty  
Buy her dresses that shine_

_While the rest of them dudes were making their bread  
Buddy, beg your pardon,_

_I was losing mine!_

_You know she was a dancer  
She moved better on wine_

_While the rest of them dudes were'a gettin' their kicks,  
Brotha, beg your pardon, now I'm getting mine!  
Ohhhh, Mississippi Queen_

"That was traumatizing," Milo said. "Mason, you're not a player. Don't pretend to be, and don't act like you've ever gotten any in your life."

"He has a son," Aaron pointed out. "He had to have gotten something from someone." The mere thought made people shudder.

"Mason, sing a better song next week," Marie said firmly, as if it settled the matter.

"Well, you have it, folks! Vote for the people you want to get voted off, and I'll see you soon. This is LBP, telling you to have a good night!" The moment the cameras were turned away from her, LBP turned around to face a man who was snarling and growling. It was Jim, the man from scheduling. "Oh shi-." She never finished her sentence, as she was knocked unconcious and dragged through the giant hole Toby mentioned earlier.

* * *

**So, tell me which guy you want to have voted off. Next chapter will be the results show. That chapter is only, like, four-thousand words. **

**OH WAIT. NO IT ISN'T. Because I wanted to do stuff to make it more interesting. So, in your review, also tell me who you think the best guy and girl performers were (as you imagine them). **

**And, I found my word document that had my plans for the future of the story and converted it to a Word document. Just now. Not even kidding.**


End file.
